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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

significant birthday

363 replies

penguinfan · 13/04/2016 10:20

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 18:15

NN because in that situation, if they had the wedding on the same date, the wedding would take priority for most family members tbh. Also, if she did go ahead then people questioned why they'd book their wedding on the same day, her brother just has to say that they told her they were using that date and she went ahead and booked a party anyway. It wouldn't garner her any sympathy or guests. I do hope the OP has her party at some point though, it's a shame if she misses out.

FraterculaArctica · 14/04/2016 18:17

What on earth is she doing sending Save the Date cards 'to find out who is free on that day' (implying that she may change the date if not enough people are free). Save the Date cards are sent when the date is set, to TELL people, not ask if that works for them!

Muskateersmummy · 14/04/2016 18:37

When did people stop speaking to each other? When we booked our wedding, we choose a date we like, provisionally booked it. Checked with the key people by phone, actual talking (heaven forbid!) and then booked it fully. Then sent out the save the dates.

All this nonsense could have been avoided if a) brother and SIL called you go talk about the day
B) instead of sending a pretty awful text, you had picked up the phone and spoken to your brother about the dates.

Wow, families are complicated on MN

AddToBasket · 14/04/2016 18:38

Don't organise your party yet OP.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 14/04/2016 18:40

My party is no longer relevant as I've already decided that I will have it on a different day if I bother at all as it's obviously an insignificant event

Pity party for one! Is that the worlds tiniest violin I hear playing a lament.
Sheesh you're such a child!

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 14/04/2016 18:51

My party is no longer relevant as I've already decided that I will have it on a different day if I bother at all as it's obviously an insignificant event.
Pity party for one! Is that the worlds tiniest violin I hear playing a lament. Sheesh you're such a child!

What pure, gleeful spite.

lorelei9here · 14/04/2016 19:09

OP would you now consider saying to your brother that you find it upsetting that they did this? It sounds like your mum will back you up.

It's really not on for them to do this, it's incredibly spiteful and your brother can't wriggle out of responsibility here.

lorelei9here · 14/04/2016 19:10

Musketeers your post reads if you think this is an accident, if you read all the op posts, it is clear it is deliberate malice from the couple.

Muskateersmummy · 14/04/2016 20:06

I still think accident or not, lots of unnecessary situations like this are much much better handled by actually speaking. There's loads of this person says this, that person says that. The OP has sent her brother a PA text and chosen to ignore his reply and now has got loads of second hand information. Maybe if she had actually spoken to her brother in the first place, she might have got more of a true feeling of what's actually happening.

Ultimately we don't know if this is a deliberate act of malice. We know the op believes it is.

NotReallySureNow · 14/04/2016 20:13

I knew your SIL was lying. Despite all the people on here claiming your insane at least now you know your instincts were right. It made no logical sense for a small church to have one free day in a year.

NotReallySureNow · 14/04/2016 20:14

Paul must be your SIL.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 14/04/2016 20:30

I knew your SIL was lying

Psychic as well as stalkery, impressive.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 20:35

Well that was a pretty shit attempt at humour SureNow Grin Are all of us with the same opinion the SIL? Cause that would be weird...

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 20:37

And incidentally OP no one called you insane like SureNow said. A couple of people said you'd look nuts if you took the advice of idiots posters telling you to go ahead with your party anyway and to call the church.

NotReallySureNow · 14/04/2016 21:40

Look I'm just pleased that the OP now knows she was correct and her SIL and DB aren't gas lighting her any more. That's why I suggested calling the church just so she would know if she was being paranoid or not. It's not an ideal outcome become because as PP said OP's relationship with her DB is damaged now she's caught him out.

What does your mum think OP? Now it's all come out that nothing is booked surely they don't think you're unreasonable to celebrate your birthday on your birthday, you know, like you originally planned?

For people saying its a terrible idea for OP to celebrate her birthday on her birthday in case people don't go I don't think that should matter now we know the bride and groom to be aren't tied to that date anyway? And no- this isn't an adult being childish about a birthday it's someone finding out their DB and SIL are being deliberately spiteful toward them.

PrivatePike · 14/04/2016 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slinkysaluki · 14/04/2016 22:44

Now whos being nasty
........

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 22:51

Who? Me?!

slinkysaluki · 14/04/2016 22:53

Mumsnet tag team identified. Long time lurker over many many months. Noticed the usual keyboard warriors on this thread, all forums seem to have them Hmm

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 23:02

Eh?! People have similar opinions so therefore they are 'keyboard warriors' and 'tag teams'? Believe it or not, some people have similar opinions. It's shocking, I know, but it happens. Grin

'Keyboard warriors' is such a shit description btw. It's literally ridiculous.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 23:03

And if you're a lurker and not a name change then I'll eat my hat.

slinkysaluki · 14/04/2016 23:05

Looking in from the outside its fairly obvious really who the main offenders are. I often wonder if this type of person behaves like it in "real life" my betting is they wouldn't say boo to a goose.

slinkysaluki · 14/04/2016 23:06

Oh def not a name changer i m not the type to hide !

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 23:10

Main offenders of what? Similar opinions? How do you think the world works? Democracy etc? Similar opinions! So don't come on here and try to make us who agree on matters seem like dicks, purely because you don't agree with us. It's just stupid and rather annoying.

Incidentally I'd say boo to a prick, fuck the geese.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 23:12

...yet you lurked for months. Right. Cause that mahes sense. Hmm

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