significant birthday

[penguinfan]

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

NotReally, you might think your opinion is right, but since your opinion involves giving false names to vicars (bit of a tip off there, when you are stalking churches, that you are batshit crazy) its fairly obvious that you are not just wrong, but so far past wrong you need a whole new word.

P

The 'surrogate dad' Dad post is nothing short of weird actually OP.

Just let your brother and his wife-to-be enjoy their wedding day, without all this sulky foot stomping and drama.

And yes some of these posts really are batshit crazy, even for Mumsnet.

Disclaimer: I don't really get birthdays but evidently lots of people do, so this is just my take on it, I respect that others will have very different views on it!

WhyTF is your 'big birthday' such a big deal? I mean, it's a big deal to you, but like weddings and subsequent anniversaries surely the only people who care are the people involved?
I got married. I've had two anniversaries. Dh and I swapped cards and some small presents but I was a bit at other people sending us Happy Anniversary cards... its very nice but I can't believe some people remember this shit.

Re birthdays it happens every year. Unless someone has been incredibly unwell and overcome the illness then I don't know what is so amazing (for everyone else) about it being another year since you were born.
I mean it's nice for people to think of you and send a card or maybe a present but people who are suggesting they should rearrange their dream wedding because it's someone's birthday...? If you had 100 guests at a wedding there could be any number of birthdays or other significant anniversaries to consider...

It certainly isn't as exciting or important imo as someone's wedding.

As pp have said reply and say you were only joking, can't wait to see them on their special day and then on your 'big day' you'll be all dressed up, and you can just spend the day drinking and eating lovely food and drink probably for free and will probably have access to some professional photos of it all too...
What a lovely birthday!

On another some PPs said
I think people are often encouraged to suck up bad behaviour, in order to avoid conflict, which is how other people get away with behaving like twats, so much of the time

I so agree with this, you see it on here and in real life so much. "Dont say or do anything - it will cause a family row" type thing.

This is mind blowing for me. I have been accepting what I consider to be bad behaviour in the name of not rocking the boat. People can indeed be utter twats when permitted.

Your future sil called you benefit scum, despite you working full time?

How very odd.

I would also like to point out that NotReallySureNow was not giving opinions, like she said. She was giving stupid suggestions such as fake names to vicars, things that would cause trouble for the op. So there was no arrogance on my part, just being sensible.

I agree with Paul

Are you sure it's intentional?

I say this because I got married and best friend was my bridesmaid and got engaged at my wedding.
She very kindly asked if I minded if she got married at the same venue which I obviously didn't I don't own the place.
Then about 8 weeks later she told me she'd chosen a date and gave the date on my wedding but the following year iyswim.

I honestly thought she was joking and said let me guess you're getting married at 3pm too (the time I got married) and she asked how I knew.

I told her it was my 'wedding day'at the same time in the same venue one year later she was mortified. I found it hysterical and a funny way to spend our anniversary but the truth is important dates to us don't often register with other people the same way.

I still think your best option is to plan something with your friends and dh for your birthday and opt out of the whole wedding thing. Just accept that your parents/other siblings will attend the wedding. Tbh if my brother was marrying someone who called me benefit scum I would have cut them both off already.

Your brother knows when your birthday is and that it is a special one so really he is at fault for not making sure it's a different date. You could make a joke out of them trying to steal your thunder but have your party another day and rise above it, they just sound really thoughtless.

Oh dear she sounds awful.
Your DB will see the light but not soon enough I fear.

I'd be a bit at my sister booking her wedding on my milestone birthday and definitely wouldn't have done it to her, but then if the church had no other dates, fair do - she would have phoned me and let me know though. And then suggested we have a massive piss-up to celebrate my birthday before her wedding

Some people think adult birthdays are no big deal, but they are in my family.

If they wanted a March wedding, it is possible that it's the only Saturday left.

If it was deliberate-why?

What would she get from it?

You can't have a party on the actual day-maybe some people wouldn't be able to come or you couldn't get the venue you wanted.

You'll be spending the day eating, drinking & celebrating with family-sounds lovely!

Is she intending to do something on every wedding anniversary so that you can never see your parents/brother at all on the day??

Well,they'll neither of them have an excuse for ever forgetting your bday in future!

Shhhhhhh diddl! Don't be sensible!

No, I've got it!

SIL doesn't like Op, so she's hoping that Op will strop & not go to the wedding.

I think OP has had a hard time on here.

She's allowed to be disappointed that her plans for a celebration - no matter what they are for - have been usurped by her brother and sil.
They could and should have let her know in advance. There is no way they have forgotten when it's only just been mentioned to them.

She's right to question it - possibly not in the way she did - it could have been an oversight that they were willing to change and if she hadn't said anything she'd never have known.

A quiet village church is very unlikely to be booked up so far in advance for the following year and we all know it. Plus who the hell wants an outdoor wedding reception in March!

OP - just remember that in future years - no one will remember about it being their anniversary - as no one but the couple celebrates that, people will want to celebrate your birthday with you.

At least you won't have a problem remembering their wedding anniversary.

Perhaps that was the deliberate bit in all this.

I've just read this whole thread and it is insane.

I was fully on board with the OP that the SIL was stealing her thunder etc until that awful text about wanting to invite her friends to the reception and being surprised at her brothers response. Like other posters I'm surprised that there hasn't been a thread from future SIL about her batshit future SIL as described by Smarter

You have lost the moral high ground OP and you need a serious sit down with your brother were you apologise and you make no demands but clear the air about how you feel about SIL and why, and you might find he has plenty of remarks to make about your own behaviour to his future wife.

I can't believe some of the advice on here and maybe OP WOULDN'T HAVE SENT THAT GODAWFUL TEXT WITHOUT IT.

As to the original issue, yes it looks sly, but it is what it is now and you need to move on. So you have it the Saturday before or after, so what?

You sound like someone who needs it to be all about you.

Whilst I think you should just get over it & have your party another weekend, I also think that it's nonsense that it's the only date the church had free. A non-summer wedding in a small village church is a very rare event.

At least you won't have a problem remembering their wedding anniversary.

The church may share its vicar with other parishes, if it's very small and rural. In which case, it may only have one Saturday per month for weddings. That's what happens around here, anyway.

Oh this thread is the gift that keeps on giving!
OP go to the wedding. Enjoy it. It's your DBs wedding.
Celebrate your birthday a week later, a month later or whenever.

I think the bigger issue (and I said it before) is the contempt for you and your son that your sil has.

Life's too short for grudges.

Before wood is added to the fire it is worth pointing out that a lot of small village Churches are booked up a lot of Saturdays, not just with weddings but with craft fairs, exhibitions etc. Combined with the fact that many vicars have more than one parish to look after (as well as lives of their own) and so the actual church may be free but the vicar may well be conducting a wedding in another church altogether.

I think the only sensible advice that can be given is to just go with the flow, chose another date for your party, enjoy your actual birthday being pampered and watching someone you love do something that is making him very happy. Try and rescue the situation and, as others have suggested, text back that the text was a very misjudged joke and even ask if there is anything you can do to help with the wedding preparations.