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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BoGrainger · 11/04/2016 18:26

.

Cagliostro · 11/04/2016 18:30

This is one of those threads where reading the OP and then skipping to the last page is REALLY confusing. Fields, Scunthorpe... I'll go back and RTFT!

scmf27 · 11/04/2016 18:30

Dying to know what's happened!!

Flowerbunty · 11/04/2016 18:30

Ahhh I really need to know what's happening with this.

I have definitelyjust burnt my dinner while reading...

weaselwatcher · 11/04/2016 18:36

Also dying to know what happened.

cemay · 11/04/2016 18:42

Cannot believe you've not had a reply yet! How rude!!
Perhaps, like another poster has said, you can find an excuse to Whatsapp her??

Hygge · 11/04/2016 18:46

Sorry Caglio, I was referring to David Cameron calling his wife's £77,000 share of several thousand acres of land as just "a field in Scunthorpe" and comparing it to Stinky saying £55.00 is just peanuts to anybody but the 'real' poor.

To me, that's way more than a field, and £55.00 is way more than peanuts. And I'd say we had a decent household income.

Ughnotagain · 11/04/2016 18:50

Wow how weird. Friend has got a cheek!

BabyGanoush · 11/04/2016 19:00

It MUST have been a joke!

they would have been bemused if you really did bring all that.

They were taking the mickey and you took it seriously?

MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/04/2016 19:06

I think this is my favourite thread! I've loved Stinky's contribution and then her being exposed like that! liar liar stinky pants on fire

puft · 11/04/2016 19:08

Sorry but I can't see you getting your money back Bhurger.
For a start anyone who gives a shopping list like that without gushing about how they'll reimburse the friend straight away on arrival is making some kind of point.
Did the other couples get asked to contribute similarly? Perhaps she felt like her generosity in hosting so many people was being abused and had expected people to contribute? It's always nice if people offer to bring a desert or nibbles or something but it's petty and unfair to basically ask you to buy them a bottle of vodka. She may as well have asked you for cash!
I hope it's been a mistake and I'm wrong but I'd be wondering about her motivations.
I think I'd also do something really PA and send her a bottle of vodka with a note saying 'thanks for such a fab night, you must come to us next time!' Grin

Lukesme · 11/04/2016 19:10

I would ask her if the wine was wrong as she didn't open it and now you are.feeling embarrassed that it wasn't up to par......

mammamic · 11/04/2016 19:16

AND THE OUTCOME WAS.....

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

Shockers · 11/04/2016 19:17

Best lunch I've ever eaten...£49 (excluding drinks).

I suggest the poster who pays £50 for a "shit lunch" hotfoots it to Cartmel to see how the poor folk dine Wink.

...to want to have been offered some money?
...to want to have been offered some money?
BMW6 · 11/04/2016 19:19

OP - is there any way at all that she could have done this deliberatley as some kind of payback?

You say you've hosted as many as she has - have you ever asked her to bring stuff and forgotten to reimburse her?
Could it be said that you drink loads more than you bring?
Has she ever made comments about you that may give a clue to this?

Sorry to ask, but I have a notoriously tight BIL who takes the piss out of others (hangs back at round buying, takes bottles back home after party even if he didn't buy them....) and the family would have LOVED to have him stitched up like this.

Not at all putting you in his category - just trying to explore her side.

BMW6 · 11/04/2016 19:23

Oh and stinky - not only are you a liar, you are not even clever enough to be any bloody good at it.

Lesson the First - remember your previous lies. Someone else is sure to and you will look like the fool that you are..

VerbenaGirl · 11/04/2016 19:30

Agree you need to remind her of what she owes you. This is not on!

ridingsixwhitehorses · 11/04/2016 19:31

Shameless F

MrsHathaway · 11/04/2016 19:36

When it's £55, I would find it very easy to (politely) ask for it. I think it's much harder when it's just a fiver, and feels petty.

Yes, definitely. A fiver here and there would cancel out over time, but £55 is an order of magnitude greater. Most people on professional salaries could absorb that "loss" if necessary (and definitely people who regularly host dinner parties) but at he wrong end of the month they might have to reshuffle a bit to make sure the gas bill didn't bounce.

Fwiw I think £55k as a household income is genuinely pretty wealthy if you have no rent or mortgage to pay. It's certainly Waitrose Prosecco territory.

Fizzy81 · 11/04/2016 19:36

I'm going to break from what everyone else has said here and I'd say:

  1. YANBU

But

  1. Leave it. It's £55. Make yourself feel better by convincing yourself you'd have spent more on a less enjoyable meal out. It is so cheeky but it's also v awkward to ask for it back when they have played host.

However if you're not bothered about seeing them again - ask!!

Tennisnan · 11/04/2016 19:47

The killer touch was giving you back your bag for life - all 10p's worth. These kind of people rely on you feeling too embarrassed to ask, she obviously knows you well enough to know you wont ask. Its up to you - want to be a doormat to keep a 'friend' or stand up for yourself? Only you know if you're 'grateful' she's your friend. If this is the case, you know you wont ask her, so why did you post the question?

LineyReborn · 11/04/2016 19:51

But the OP has asked, in a text. But she asked for the wrong amount. And hasn't heard back.

CostaAddict · 11/04/2016 19:56

Stumbled across this thread and it's my nights entertainment! Please please please keep us updated OP...

Ps. youre absolutely right to text your tightarse friend. Nicely worded. Good luck!

essexmummy72 · 11/04/2016 19:59

.

Toast3 · 11/04/2016 20:01

Just read the entire thread - YANBU!
Very awkward position to be in.... Please keep us posted!