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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
nicenewdusters · 11/04/2016 22:28

Yes, £55 transferred into her account with dh name as the reference.

Only1scoop · 11/04/2016 22:30

Eh....

I've missed that update then

Pipbin · 11/04/2016 22:32

My vodka is in the freezer right now. It doesn't freeze as it has such a high alcohol content.

I'm laughing at the idea that prosecco and Bombay Sapphire are thought of as expensive luxury products by Stinky

Expellibramus · 11/04/2016 22:35

Maybe she hasn't read the whatsapp messages maybe she reads MN?

Happyat40 · 11/04/2016 22:35

You did the right thing OP.

Fizzy81 · 11/04/2016 22:40

Was the money a result of the text?

UpsiLondoes · 11/04/2016 22:46

I did half hope the bank transfer reference was Mumsnet. I'd love to hear what the host's version of this story was. Online delivery with no substitutions, OP insisting to pick up missing items enroute, then quietly seething when the host didn't produce exact change in cash on hand? Grin

megadude · 11/04/2016 22:53

The optimist in me is thinking that your friend was maybe planning to bring stuff with an equal value to your place when you host next. The week after we're all going to Stinky's place yeah?

Changerazelea · 11/04/2016 22:58

Sort of understand both points of view here OP however I would probably not want to risk a friendship for the sake of £55.... AIBU?!

nicenewdusters · 11/04/2016 23:04

Can I come to Stinkys with you Megadude ? Trouble is I'm not sure I can afford 2 bottles of Moet, a Gordon's Gin and a tiara to take with me. I'd hate to come across as scabby and real poor, perhaps I'll just hand over £55 at the door and see if that cuts the mustard ?

If anyone there smokes or drinks does that mean they can't afford to buy their own home, in which case why would they have been invited ? It's going to be a nightmare etiquette wise !

Soapmaker34 · 11/04/2016 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessesbitch · 11/04/2016 23:08

When was this update?? Time?

ZenNudist · 11/04/2016 23:09

Just flicked through this thread. To summarise: OP text a brief and polite reminder, her friend never replied, then after a longish wait her dh did a bank transfer. Is that all (ignoring a massive bunfight. Somewhere around page 11?)

IMO It might be acceptable to expect not to pay for chips & dips + up to 2 bottles of wine, assuming OP and her dh weren't going to drink much more than that (!?) without paying. But I only say that as that's what generous friends of mine might turn up with.

Vodka and 4 bottles of wine? Plus beer. Plus nibbles. For free? Nope.

Johnny5isAlive · 11/04/2016 23:29

jesse

...to want to have been offered some money?
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 11/04/2016 23:33

You should now transfer it to poor stinky to wipe her bum with Grin

ridingsixwhitehorses · 11/04/2016 23:46

Presumably op changed key details though. That is what I would do. So maybe M&S not waitrose. Maybe white wine not red. Maybe olives not crisps. Maybe dinner party last week not this. Maybe £45 not £55. Enough so host could read and not know for certain it was her.

lottielou7 · 12/04/2016 01:49

OP I really don't think you have anything to feel bad about. Even if, from her point of view you owed her money for something, this would be a very passive aggressive way to get it back.

Good friends should be up front with each other.

emotionsecho · 12/04/2016 02:07

I can't believe the host thought that the list of extras shouldn't be paid for, if you are hosting friends for dinner it is at your expense not your guests.

Canadamum7 · 12/04/2016 04:20

Asking for money or the booze back is EXTREMELY uncouth.

SoupDragon · 12/04/2016 05:56

Are bank transfers immediate these days?

MrsTickleMonster · 12/04/2016 05:56

Canada asking someone to pick up shopping for you then not paying them for it is extremely uncouth

pearlylum · 12/04/2016 06:40

nrstickle- I agree, but that isn't what happened.

The host didn't ask for shopping to be picked up, it was the OP who texted her asking what she could bring. It's not unreasonable then for the host to assume that it was a gift.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 12/04/2016 06:41

Canada I'd rather be uncouth than down £55

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 12/04/2016 06:43

Pearl yes it is! The normal answer to a question like that is 'yes please can you grab ' and if you want something expensive you'd state, prior to them buying it, that you'll reimburse them. Why on earth would you take the op's offer of picking up anything they needed as an offer to spend over £50 on them? That's completely not normal behaviour.

BastardGoDarkly · 12/04/2016 06:43

Hmmmm, sometimes my bank says... May take until the end of the day... But it's normally there in a couple of hours.

Op, don't feel bad! You've been lovely if bemused about your friend on this thread, you haven't been awful at all.

Glad it's all sorted.

Grin @ uncouth