Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
coveredinhopeandvaseline · 11/04/2016 20:02

Any news?

Threefaries · 11/04/2016 20:07

Could you message your friend to ask if she received your text -as there are a lot of people on mumsnet who really want to know what she's playing at-- ?

EvansAndThePrince · 11/04/2016 20:08

Sooooooo...?

Limurz · 11/04/2016 20:14

Ooh this thread - I really need to know what happens!

Blitzburgher · 11/04/2016 20:17

No reply, but...there's £55 in my account and the 'ref' is her DH's name.

Have WhatsApped "Thanks for transferring the cash. Everything ok?"

Now I feel like a bitch for asking for the money and for this whole thread! But how weird not to contact me? What if it was just the bank being slow?

OP posts:
Becca83 · 11/04/2016 20:21

I wonder if she's seen this thread! It was being promoted on the mn Facebook earlier! Eek. Glad you've got your money back though.

RTKangaMummy · 11/04/2016 20:21

Glad you got your money SmileSmileSmile

YWNBU btw imho Smile

LineyReborn · 11/04/2016 20:22

But your list didn't add up to that much, OP. Shock

Fluffy24 · 11/04/2016 20:22

The bank won't have been that slow. I'm in the 'probably write it off camp' but even I can see that £55 is alot of money and she would've been taking a liberty not paying. You aren't a bitch!

Coconutty · 11/04/2016 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

irregularegular · 11/04/2016 20:24

I think it is normal to be paid back for that amount of shopping, even if you are quite well off and can perfectly well afford not to worry about it. Just seems like standard etiquette to me for most people.

We're in the six figure household income bracket. £55 wouldn't honestly be a big deal - I wouldn't notice if it slipped out of our bank account. And that would be true for many of the people we go to dinner with. But I do have the sense to realise that isn't true for most people! And I'd still expect friends to pay. Just not necessarily on the spot or in a hurry as I wouldn't expect it to be top of their mind - and I know that they know that we're not going to have any money problems as a result of waiting. I often owe or am owed about that much for theatre tickets etc for a few weeks, even months.

I'd mention the amount next time I was in touch with them, if they didn't bring it up earlier. Not a big deal.

Lower amounts are more awkward. Less than £5 I definitely wouldn't expect to be mentioned at all. Less than £20-£25 or so I'd expect to be mentioned but met with an "oh no don't worry, about it"

BMW6 · 11/04/2016 20:26

Glad the money has been repaid to you - you really should NOT feel like a bitch for asking to be reimbursed for her shopping.

If she has an issue with you it should be her who approaches you now. I can see how you will feel awkward but as far as I can see you did nothing wrong at all. No-one in their right mind would expect anyone to buy £55 worth of their groceries Hmm

If there is no backstory from her, you'll just have to assume she was trying it on, or forgot........

Blitzburgher · 11/04/2016 20:28

I must have got the alcukation wrong last night (wine). The wines weren't all the same - so a couple must have been more than £6.

No reply. But WhatsApp says she hasn't read it.

OP posts:
Blitzburgher · 11/04/2016 20:29

Alcukation?! Calculation. Oops.

OP posts:
feckthemall · 11/04/2016 20:31

Alls well that ends well so..

Embarrassed87 · 11/04/2016 20:32

I honestly wouldn't worry about it OP.

YWNBU at all. £55 is a lot of money. She should have mentioned it that night or the next morning.

I would just try and put it behind you now and just be normal to her when you see her at the weekend

InionEile · 11/04/2016 20:36

Oh dear. Sounds like she might be a bit miffed that you asked for the money back ,Blitz. You had no choice though because 55 quid / $80 definitely needs to be accounted for. And I say that as a 1%-er here in the US Blush. You can't let that slide. In your situation, since you say you know her well I would have said it directly to her at the party or else engineered some way to meet up with her in the near future and ask her directly then. Texts are always a nightmare because they can be misconstrued.

And as for stinky's We own our house because we do not smoke or drink - that cracked me up Grin. I've had a good laugh on this thread! Such BS...

Jojoriley · 11/04/2016 20:36

I think the most likely explanation is that she saw this thread and is embarrassed and probably angry. If I were you I would let some time pass before contacting her again so that you can just allow the situation to calm. You shouldn't feel bad for asking for the money but you might be a bit wrong to have made it so public. eek - not that you could have predicted how many of us were hanging on her response!!

NotReallySureNow · 11/04/2016 20:40

Has she seen/ replied to your what's app?

DementedUnicorn · 11/04/2016 20:43

Totally aghast at the cheek of her!

Honkyspiggy · 11/04/2016 20:47

Yanbu...some people have a cheek!

Ohwhatfun · 11/04/2016 20:47

Loved reading this thread Smile

chocomochi · 11/04/2016 20:49

She would've seen there's a message from you (doesn't it pop up on your phone's home screen with the first line of your message?).

penguinplease · 11/04/2016 20:51

I have my whatsapp notifications turned off so she might not have seen it yet.. Glad you got your money, have been checking back in all day!

llhj · 11/04/2016 20:51

Sympathies OP, this would preoccupy my thoughts a great deal.

Swipe left for the next trending thread