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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Lunar1 · 11/04/2016 20:51

Hope she replies, this would be a sad thing to lose a friendship over.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 11/04/2016 20:53

Jojo to be fair, only around half of us are hanging on the friend's response - the other half are waiting to see if stinky comes back Grin

leelu66 · 11/04/2016 20:53

Some people feel entitled to other people's money. It's bizarre.

leelu66 · 11/04/2016 20:54

Too bad stinky couldn't decide if she was going to play it rich or play it poor.

Threefaries · 11/04/2016 20:55

Please don't feel bad. You have not said anything nasty about your friend on this thread. You were being kind by offering to pick up some extras. If your friend is uncomfortable I imagine it is towards her own self and not you. One day the two of you may laugh about it FlowersWineChocolate

Biffsboys · 11/04/2016 20:57

Please update us ?😕😀

MysteryDelivery · 11/04/2016 20:58

I don't think OP should feel bad about asking for her money back or for posting on here about it. She has been nothing but complementary about the effort her friend went to for the meal and she was just checking to see whether she had done the right thing in this situation. If the friend is upset by it, she shouldn't have put OP in this position in the first place by not discussing when she was going to pay her back. Whatever your income, I can't believe anyone would ask for those kind of items at that price and think they didn't need to pay someone back. Hope this doesn't spoil your friendship OP and if it does, it says more about your friend than you!

Skittlesss · 11/04/2016 20:59

Hope you're ok. Your friendship can survive this :) all you've done is ask for money she owes you. Maybe she is just busy?

glassrobot · 11/04/2016 21:00

Maaaybe... She read this thread?

AddToBasket · 11/04/2016 21:06

Mmmm. Any chance the hostess is a MNer?

NotReallySureNow · 11/04/2016 21:08

How could the OP lose a friend over this she hasn't done anything wrong.

Jessesbitch · 11/04/2016 21:08

Am I the only one thinking 'back home from a dinner party by 11pm'! Not with all that booze still unopened! Grin I may be a bit of a lush..

TalkMeDownPlease · 11/04/2016 21:22

I have a friend who never gets an alert for my whatsapp messages, I have to text her to tell her I've sent a whatsapp message! If that makes you feel any better OP, she may not have seen it.
I'd let it lie now, if she is a true friend she'll be fine with paying you, and embarrassed that she forgot on the night.

UpsiLondoes · 11/04/2016 21:40

She could lose a friend over this because she posted about it on a public forum jumping to the (wrong) conclusion her friend wouldn't pay her back instead of just waiting until end of today to see if the money showed up. I'm sure her friend is wondering why she offered to pick up anything if she was so worried about being paid back in the first place.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 11/04/2016 21:52

I'm still chuckling about "MN becoming a hotbed of judgemental socialism". I love a bit of judgemental socialism, and I want to join that hotbed.

But more on topic, I think if you're friends, you're allowed to ask for the money back, and even if the friend thought it was meant to be a present (which I am quite Hmm about, but maybe these are very different people from me), then at that point she says "but of course, thank you so much for picking it up, here is the money", and that is the end of it. Being arsey about it shows you were never a great friend in the first place. IMHO.

thatone · 11/04/2016 21:54

Have been following this thread for a while and it occurred to me that friend's dh may have replied using friend's phone so friend may have been unaware of the conversation and thought that all the shopping was a gift.

MadHattersChaiParty · 11/04/2016 21:59

I can understand why OP was so peeved and started a thread on saturday night but it might be that the friend came across this thread before she had a chance to sort out the money and felt humiliated by being a MN hot topic? In an ideal world it would have been resolved before OP left but I imagine the dinner party took precedent.

AnthonyPandy · 11/04/2016 22:01

Can anyone enlighten me as to why you would put the Vodka in the freezer? Doesn't it umm, freeze? Like a big block of ice?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 11/04/2016 22:01

No vodka doesn't freeze.

RavioliOnToast · 11/04/2016 22:02

I think that friend may not have wanted to rush around sorting money out on the night of the dinner party, thinking you would have known she'd square you up the next day?

AnthonyPandy · 11/04/2016 22:03

It doesn't freeze? Doesn't any alcohol freeze then? I am a non drinker and am a bit clueless.

CockacidalManiac · 11/04/2016 22:04

Beer will freeze, because it has a lower alcohol by volume. Vodka won't though.

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 11/04/2016 22:08

Glad you got you're money back OP. Really hope she hasn't seen this thread because otherwise the next dinner party will be AWKWARD Blush

nicenewdusters · 11/04/2016 22:10

Maybe Stinky has gone to find a copy of her tax return to show us, just like dear Mr Cameron. Perhaps we'll learn how the "real rich" offset the cost of their Bombay Saphire and Prosecco.

I'm also considering using "loose change" as slang for £55, just like a "score" and a "pony".

storminabuttercup · 11/04/2016 22:12

Hold up, has the OP got her money back as JellyBean suggests?

I can't see the post with the update! Bloody app!