To be annoyed at my dad for making me feel awkward breastfeeding

[crunchymummy]

When he comes round and I feed DS he always leaves the room, "I'm just going to check on the dinner." "I'm just going to go for a walk"

UGH I'd like to feel comfortable feeding my son in my own house

AIBU to be annoyed?

'artificially fed'

Give me strength.

A child being breastfed is being 'fed'.
A breastfeeding mother would like her choices respected.
Maybe touches a nerve the other way round?

On the front of my current maternity notes is a sticker about bringing your own formula if you are going to be artificially feeding. So it would seem to be a term in use by the NHS at least to refer to bottle feeding formula.

I breastfeed in front of my dad but am mortified if my nipple becomes exposed when baby unexpectedly unlatches. I would rather die than go topless in front of him on a beach. Not sure what any of this means

And I too have suggested OP ask him the same several pages back.
However, there are several posters here who are very outspoken about the fact that they don't like to see breastfeeding (and not for privacy reasons). I'm countering their points, that some of us might not like watching artificial/bottle feeding.

A breastfeeding mother would like her choices respected.

And the relevance of this in the context of this thread is??

I doubt the OP's father is disrespecting her by leaving the room when she starts to feed. Most likely he feels embarrassed. As many older men do in this situation.

''i'd probably leave the room during bottle feedings, why should I stay? '

Because she's your dd and I'd hope you would respect her choices?'

Believe it or not, unless you've missed 1/2 the thread, some people don't like breastfeeding. It might not be for privacy reasons- he might share some of the 'unusual' views above, e.g. consider it the same as ejaculating, experiencing sexual arousal or using the toilet.

minifingerz wtf? "Negative feelings"?! No, he just wants to give her some privacy. Jesus Christ. You really are taking breastfeeding and all its associated meanings way too far.

Mini has always been..um..militant about breastfeeding.

God there are some people acting like dicks on this thread.

Personally I'd my dad was uncomfortable watching people east and left the room. I would just accept it.

I wouldn't take it a judgment on me. I presume the OPs father would leave the room whoever was breastfeeding. The OP hasn't drip fed that he was ok when her sister, Sil or other relative BF.

It's his issue and he is dealing with it as he sees fit. It's not an issue that he only has with the OP.

'My cousins family all bath together, and chat to each other in the bath/naked. My family are always fully clothed in front of each other and we lock the door when we are in the bath. We all love each other and have never felt the need to force them to be like us or felt pressured to be like them.'

It's about the love and acceptance of quirks within a family IMO, and hopefully the dad will relax as time goes on.
Lord knows I was a very odd new mother with all sorts of weird requests and opinions and sudden yelps about things that were often irrational. But everyone in my family was lovely and patient and no-one said 'FFS that's crap, get a grip' and slowly I became more together about stuff.

Is finova pointing out that if you left the room because a baby was being bottle fed then you would be seen as ridiculous?

I understand OP it's horrid when family make you feel like this. For me it's my MIL and she's now not invited over unless my DH is here. I got so fed up of her being so odd and judgey about it. I tried hard but got to the end of the line with it. She suggested I might like to leave the room at her house too, nope not happening! The last time she was at my house for my baby's birthday she couldn't get out of the room quick enough when I started feeding. The room was full of relatives and she was the only one that left. It's so so hurtful.

When my dad came to see new baby, I was bf. He came right up and looked at her and stroked her cheek. I was surprised, as we're not at all close and I thought he would be squeamish, but apparently not! Opposite problem to op, obviously

Mini - or whoever it was, my DSD bf her son for the first few weeks. As she has known me most of her life and was around when her sisters were born, she is well aware of my thoughts about bf and we actually had many conversations about it when she was pregnant. She respects my feelings and desire not to see it, and I respect her decision to feed her baby how she wants. So I would excuse myself and go and do something else when she was feeding. It has not affected our relationship at all.

"It has not affected our relationship at all."

If I was your dil you would say the same as I would rather die than let my MIL see that she had hurt me feelings. I would go a long, long way to avoid any conflict with her because she is so precious to my DH.

It's not ok to feel that the sight of a newborn baby eating is so disgusting you have to leave the room every time it happens, any more than it is to find the sight, say, of elderly people, or small children eating disgusting. If I felt like this I'd want to try and change those feelings - they're so clearly dysfunctional.

Maybe you should try to desensitise yourself - it works you know. Instead of pandering to them.

It's not ok to feel that the sight of a newborn baby eating is so disgusting you have to leave the room every time it happens

Er, okaaay. You know you're not in charge of other people's feelings, right?

they're so clearly dysfunctional

My very first . Labelling other people's feelings as dysfunctional is kind of unhinged.

Yes, breastfeeding is normal and natural etc etc. But some people are a bit uncomfortable around it. So what? We're all different. It's a bit weird to be so vociferous about wanting to control other people's feelings and make them feel the 'right' thing.

Yabu. Your dad is polite.

It's not ok to feel that the sight of a newborn baby eating is so disgusting you have to leave the room every time it happens, any more than it is to find the sight, say, of elderly people, or small children eating disgusting. If I felt like this I'd want to try and change those feelings - they're so clearly dysfunctional.

Who mentioned the word 'disgusting' minifingerz?

I'm pretty sure 'awkward' is the word you're searching for, although I accept that doesn't suit your ranty agenda on this subject.

A newborn baby eating is not disgusting. But it's very intimate. I think this is often the word that's missing from discussions of breastfeeding and why the comparison with adults eating feels a bit like it's missing something.

Breastfeeding is a hugely intimate act. How could it be otherwise? And different people react differently to witnessing that kind of intimacy. As long as they are not going 'ew, gross' and are managing their own reactions politely I really don't see the need for overblown judgements of anyone who feels awkward around the intimacy of breastfeeding.

Lealeander implied it might be thought of as disgusting.
Others compared it to having 'a shit' in public.

'If the party leaving the room is not objectively rude - i.e. if they don't say "Ugh" or "that's disgusting" but employ a euphemism such as "I need to wash the dishes," then any reaction on the part of the mothers is her own to manage. So is her need to occupy her mind while feeding.'

It has surprised me how outspoken people have been on here, the equivalent talk about bottle feeding just would not be tolerated.
I think people are very cautious to say anything negative about bottle feeding to spare the feelings of those who feed this way. Some of whom may have struggled to breastfeed, some of whom chose to feed this way from the start.
This is absolutely right and bottle feeding is a great way to feed a child.
Breastfeeding is also a great way to feed a child.
However, breastfeeding mothers seem fair game on this thread, there is no consideration to their feelings by many who have posted. In fact at times on mumsnet those who support breastfeeding are mocked. It's such a double standard.

Again someone implying it's disgusting
'As long as they are not going 'ew, gross''

Imagine that statement written about bottle feeding!