To be annoyed at my dad for making me feel awkward breastfeeding

[crunchymummy]

When he comes round and I feed DS he always leaves the room, "I'm just going to check on the dinner." "I'm just going to go for a walk"

UGH I'd like to feel comfortable feeding my son in my own house

AIBU to be annoyed?

You're not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about his reaction. He wouldn't make himself scarce if you ate something, or gave baby a bottle. It's isolating you and making a subtle issue.

My mum tended to disappear when I started feeding my babies. I'd travelled to see her for her company, which she'd then withdraw leaving me bored and on my own for a fair chunk of time as my feeds weren't quick. There wasn't anything to see as I wore feeding tops and it just looked like I was cuddling baby.

I never had family withdraw. It must be a bit undermining, if your own family can't stand it.

Unfair Ava.

Paul he is a very lovely man.

My father always went to " read the evening papers" when I breast fed my babies at his house. My mum and I always had a laugh about it, especially if it was 10 in the morning.

YANBU. My FIL clearly felt a bit awkward and so did my MIL, but he told her they should stay in the room with me, bc to leave might make me feel isolated. He wanted to treat me considerately because I'd just had a baby and it's an emotionally vulnerable time.
Other relatives - BILs especially- got used to it eventually (I bf a long time), it gradually got less awkward and I cared less and less. These are long term relationships, they can take minor awkwardness for a while here and there, so keep doing what's best for you & your baby.

Sounds like hes doing his best to not make you feel akward & to let you feed in peace. Perfect.

Re 'miss' I work with teens with behaviour problems. They call all adults 'miss' and 'sir'. If I see any out of school it is 'hi Miss'.
DH works in a young offenders prison. It's 'miss' and 'sir' there too.
It's just a respectful term when you don't know a name.

Breastfeeding
My in laws would leave the room. This is okay in theory but they have a small house and feeding can take a long time. I ended up feeling really tense and cutting feeds short. It made me feel I should remove myself which is isolating. Once at a family gathering 6 adults left the room leaving DH and I alone in the living room.
I could hear them joking in the kitchen about how long I was taking as they were waiting to come and sit down. Not nice!
BTW I was a very discreet breast feeder, smallish boobs, vest down, top up and my babies were good latchers. You'd be hard pushed to see anything. Sometimes I think the suckling noise bothers people though!

finova

Yes, the teenage boys round here say Miss too. It's nice

minifingers why are you comparing it to a gay couple kissing? All I said was different people have boundaries..which they do. Her DF feels uncomfortable seeing her breastfeed so leaves the room. So clearly he has different boundaries to people who would not leave the room, hence why i said it.

No I would not say it about a gay couple because that is a different and isn't what the OP asked.

"My dad had the decency to simply ignore my breastfeeding"

Leaving the room isn't showing indecency some people just feel uncomfortable it doesn't mean they're trying to be rude, the opposite in fact probably!

If you want someone to know they don't have to leave the room, tell them, if they still insist let them go they have the right to leave a room whether bf is perfectly natural or not (which it obviously is)

YABU. He's not asking you to do anything different, he's discreetly seeing to his own comfort and boundaries. Not everyone is of the let it all hang out mentality and that's OK.

And as others have pointed out, perhaps the proceedings are not as fascinating as you think. Maybe he's bored.

The responses on here have really surprised me.
There are a lot more people than I expected, who are tolerant of the idea, that people can be 'uncomfortable', with the normal way to feed a baby.

Individuals are uncomfortable with myriad things, and need not apologize or feel like oppressors.

I don't enjoy listening to adults eat either. That doesn't mean I begrudge them their food. I don't care to see my neighbor on his speedo even though swimming in brief attire is perfectly natural. Me averting my eyes or going round the other corner of the house costs him nothing. I'm not obliged to remain in his presence as some sort of statement that the human body is nothing to be ashamed of.

People who are dismayed when their audience chooses to disperse are the ones with the problems, frankly.

People being uncomfortable with anything is down to experience and background. They are uncomfortable with the unknown or with something they've had a bad experience.

Im uncomfortable around dogs. A dog owner may get offended by me being uncomfortable around their precious dog, but having been bitten unprovoked by a dog i dont care. I would not do anything to harm a dog, of course, but why does anyone have the right to tell me how a dog should make me feel?

People feeling uncomfortable around other breastfeeding probably dont have much experience of people (other than their wives) breastfeeding.

My husband wasnt comfortable with people bfing near him before we had our dd. Then, after weeks of baby classes / nct meets and boobs everywhere he stopped even noticing.

What do you do if you are around adults eating then?

If they are slurping and chomping or eating something distasteful to me I withdraw. I don't tell them to stop.

Omg lea in once went swimming with my housemate at uni. I used to go theee times a week and he decided to join me one morning. I got to the pool and he was already in doing lengths. Then he got out to get something from the side to reveal... WHITE SHORTS!!!!! Looking at his see-through shorts forgive me but My god i felt uncomfortable.

A grown man doesnt want to see his adult daughters boobs? Alert the elders!

Yabu op

Must be awkward, do you leave your food or eat whilst walking

Yikes!!

I was at a professional conference at a resort once and at cocktail hour around the pool a tall, strapping German attendee calmly stepped out of his trousers and pants & donned a speedo right at the edge of the pool area. Some of us uptight Americans almost keeled over in shock.

Fi ova, I do t know why you are obsessed. I'm not necessarily eating. For example a co worker brought oatmeal to a meeting last Monday and was noisily gobbling it. A couple of us were grossed out and left the meeting. Situations like that. If I'm at table with a slurper I'll move chairs away from them or yes, as last resort, leave the meal. Food is not so important to me that I would suffer noisy chewing and gobbling.

Hmm I wouldn't say asking you 2 questions to you was 'obsessed'.
I'm just not convinced that people would react in the same way towards an adult eating.
I think the majority of people would avert their gaze/do their best to ignore, but not leave the room. I can't imagine many people leaving their food or isolating themselves.

My in laws, as I said initially left on mass. They soon got used to breastfeeding though, as most people do.
It isn't a show with an 'audience' it's feeding a baby.

You can't make your dad want to sit and watch you breastfeed. He's not being rude.
Yabvu

He's not being nasty or anything so try and see it from his PoV?. X