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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my dad for making me feel awkward breastfeeding

246 replies

crunchymummy · 08/04/2016 14:19

When he comes round and I feed DS he always leaves the room, "I'm just going to check on the dinner." "I'm just going to go for a walk"

UGH I'd like to feel comfortable feeding my son in my own house

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Chinks123 · 09/04/2016 22:23

And I know there are zero similarities between a bowel movement and breast feeding as I said in a pp but they are both natural things is all I was saying. Oh god I'm exhausted Wine

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 22:25

I know you've flounced, but... the comparison to a gay relationship was comparing behaviour that is (or should) be acceptable in public, to breastfeeding. Comparing breastfeeding with going to the toilet is not the same, as very very few people would accept that going to the toilet in public is acceptable.

LeaLeander · 09/04/2016 22:26

Emitting a bodily fluid/matter from an orifice that in most western cultures is generally covered up in public or in mixed company. Toileting, breast feeding and ejaculating all come to mind. There ARE similarities, sorry, when it comes to involving third parties in what you are doing.

It is not "just eating." Many women (as many as 50 percent according to a quick Google of reputable sources) admit feelings of sexual arousal during breastfeeding; I don't hear of that happening when people are consuming their own food or administering a bottle or spooned dish to a young child. And I don't want to see any woman I know even remotely in that state.

The notion of finding it "frustrating" that someone didn't want to be a passive spectator to any of the above is really weird to me. I would never condone active discouraging of breastfeeding, or ousting of anyone from a public venue for doing so. But those who don't want to observe are not in the wrong and the feeding mother is responsible for her own reaction and feelings.

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 22:27

If you know they're totally different things why did you use them for a comparison? It's clearly offensive to compare a normal method of feeding a baby to defecating.

Chinks123 · 09/04/2016 22:29

Haha I haven't flounced Hmm just felt it was getting abit silly and OP isn't even commenting anymore everyone's just arguing amongst themselves seems abit pointless. I agree breastfeeding and going to the toilet are not the same no as I have now said 3 times I was simply saying I find helping an unable person go to the toilet natural, others would cringe.

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 22:32

Ah ok, so now it's the same as ejaculating, and it's probably sexual. but at least I've got some insight into your thought processes on this.

And it wasn't a random third party, it was your own immediate family that was being discussed, who have come to visit. I am so glad that none of my family had this attitude, and were happy to be present when I was feeding. Otherwise I would probably have never got a chance to sit and chat with them in the early weeks, as it was a fairly constant situation.

Chinks123 · 09/04/2016 22:32

I used them as a comparison to basically just say what people's 'embarrassment thresholds' are for want of a better phrase. I know feeding a baby is not the same as defecating as believe it or not I have a child and meant no offence by it.

squoosh · 09/04/2016 22:37

Old fashioned df thinks he's being discreet and giving dd some privacy but going by minis usual diatribes he is committing a dreadful faux pas.

I think that about sums it up. My father would leave the room assuming a mother would want privacy.

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 22:37

Of course people get embarrassed at different things, that's clear. As I said before, I find it a great shame that something that should be benign and innocuous is still viewed as LeaLander and others see it. As equal to defecating or ejaculating, and therefore worthy of people finding it repulsive/embarrassing. It should be unremarkable and unimportant, just as bottle feeding is.

Itsmine · 09/04/2016 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 22:49

Yes of course they're all different. I don't think it's wrong though to wish that more people would be comfortable with it. As I said before, I wouldn't dream of mentioning it beyond saying that it wasn't necessary on my behalf.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/04/2016 22:52

Has anyone called the father a misogynistic bastard yet? Wouldn't surprise me...

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 22:54

Helpful, yes, very helpful.

LeaLeander · 09/04/2016 22:55

Exactly, itsmine. It's not all about the breastfeeding mother.

I don't like watching messy, smeary toddlers feed from spoons and via their own hands and such either. That doesn't mean I don't want them to eat or begrudge their nutrition or think they are horrible beings. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 22:57

So you would excuse yourself from every single meal that your (hypothetical) grandchild had? And you would expect your daughter/son not to mind that?

LeaLeander · 09/04/2016 23:03

Probably. At least for that messy stage.

Why on earth is it important to have an audience at feeding time?

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 23:08

It's not about having an audience, it's about spending time with loved ones. So your (hypothetical) daughter/son invites you to meet with them at a cafe where everyone will be having lunch including a baby/toddler grandchild. Presumably you either turn down the invite, or you turn up, but then disappear outside for the entire meal. Seems a bit of a shame to me and I would imagine your daughter/son might feel a bit disappointed that they didn't see you.

LeaLeander · 09/04/2016 23:10

I'm sure there would be plenty of opportunity to spend time together that didn't involve watching a 2-year-old smush pasta in its hands or all around its face.

I'm not keen on young children being in restaurants anyway unless it's somewhere like McDonald's.

SpeakNoWords · 09/04/2016 23:11

I hope so.

OTheHugeManatee · 09/04/2016 23:15

Best breastfeeding bunfight in months Grin

pandarific · 09/04/2016 23:24

Poor OPs dad. I'd be popping off to our in the kettle too, and I have a vagina and everything.

It's fine not to want to watch someone feed their baby.

finova · 09/04/2016 23:32

I can't believe some of the things I've read here. I hope my daughter gets on with breastfeeding.
I'd hate to see her bottle feed a baby, (for lots of reasons). I'd probably leave the room during bottle feedings, why should I stay?
It wouldn't be up to me to worry about her 'feelings'. I just wouldn't want to feel uncomfortable myself. No one should have to watch a new life being artificially fed.
Sound okay that way round?

findingmyfeet12 · 09/04/2016 23:32

My df would never stay to watch me bf. I would not think that he had any negative thoughts about my baby eating as a result of his embarrassment - what an odd conclusion to jump to.

Itsmine · 09/04/2016 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itinerary · 09/04/2016 23:42

If a child is bottle feeding they are being fed, not "artifically fed".