To be annoyed at my dad for making me feel awkward breastfeeding

[crunchymummy]

When he comes round and I feed DS he always leaves the room, "I'm just going to check on the dinner." "I'm just going to go for a walk"

UGH I'd like to feel comfortable feeding my son in my own house

AIBU to be annoyed?

finova it is clear from this thread that a lot of people do find breastfeeding to be disgusting/repulsive/gross/weird or whatever. Certainly to view it as more intimate than bottle feeding. It's not really surprising considering the really low rates of breastfeeding in the UK now and historically - it is out of the ordinary for many people.

finova 'Imagine that statement made about bottle feeding!'

Yes but bottle feeding is different. Yes, you're feeding your child. But you're not doing it using milk produced on demand in your own body and fed to the child using a body part normally covered up.

Personally I think breastfeeding is amazing and beautiful and quite magic. But it's also incredibly intimate. I can't think of an analogy because I don't think there is one - the comparisons like PDAs or taking a shit or whatever are wrong, because nothing exactly compares to breastfeeding. And different people react differently to the intimacy and rawness of it. I really think as long as people are being courteous about their reactions that's as far as it is reasonable to go in trying to control others' feelings about it.

OP: make a breastfeeding ultimatum.

Either your father personally squeezes the milk from your breast into the waiting mouth of your infant child or you will go No Contact.

Woah, so I'm dysfunctional now?

My relationship with my step daughter is perfectly fine, thank you. And as my own DD's are both under 10 then I'm not going to waste my time now thinking about something that might not be relevant many years in the future.

It is, however, polite and good manners to respect other people's views even if one may not agree with them. I'm glad that my DSD and I manage that, but think that some other people may need help in that area.

"Personally I think breastfeeding is amazing and beautiful and quite magic. But it's also incredibly intimate."

In 2/3rds of the world it's not some 'magical', 'intimate' thing - it's just a way to feed a baby and people do it at the drop of a hat anywhere and everywhere. I know this by having been raised in these places.

It's only in countries like the UK where breasts are fetishised, and where breastfeeding is optional (and therefore mainly invisible) that people make such a bloody song and dance about it and come over all weird when they see it.

You're the one making a song and dance on this thread minifingerz.

As for other countries, yes they may be different. So what? cultures vary and why does there have to be a right and a wrong?

Would you like BF to be compulsory then minifingerz?

OP YABU as your father isn't making you feel awkward. Or at least not deliberately. (in any case can he 'make' you feel it). He just feel uncomfortable and does

minifingerz, This is not just in this country. I don't know which countries you're referring to (Scandinavian?). There are plenty of countries where breastfeeding is the norm. However, in these countries t's certainly not anywhere and even at home it's not typically done in front of men.

Bizarre that so many people find the sight of a baby eating (breast or bottle) uncomfortable.

I've never given it a second thought.

"OP YABU as your father isn't making you feel awkward.Or at least not deliberately."

No - he's not thinking about the OP's feelings at all, only his own.

He hasn't thought what message he's communicating by getting up and leaving the room every time she feeds.

Of course the message is: you breastfeeding in some way upsets me, to the point beyond which simply 'not looking' can deal with.

"As for other countries, yes they may be different. So what? cultures vary and why does there have to be a right and a wrong?"

The U.K has the highest rates of dysfunctional breastfeeding IN THE WORLD, and this is reflected in high rates of pathological defensiveness, anger and sadness tbat women feel in relation to their feeding experiences. We ARE messed up about this issue, and squeamishness about normal breastfeeding is both an expression of this and contributes to it.

My father was a farmer and well used to trying to get calves to latch onto their mother's teats - he was never uncomfortable with breastfeeding! I never minded feeding in front of him , and he'd happily talk away and loved that my babies were being breastfed because he felt it was best for them.

But I understand your dad being uncomfortable, and he is being gentlemanly by excusing himself - I couldn't criticise him! Maybe your mum has it ingrained into him - a lot of woman used to ask their husbands and sons to leave the room if i was about to feed (even though I was very discreet and they might not notice until I was 5 minutes into it!) and this could be the case with your mum?

Mini fingers - you can come on here and preach as much as you want, but you are never going to change how people feel about something, and nor should you. This is a free country. We are free to bf if that's what a woman wants to do, and we are also free to not like it, feel uncomfortable around it and choose not to be around when someone is doing it.

The U.K has the highest rates of dysfunctional breastfeeding IN THE WORLD, and this is reflected in high rates of pathological defensiveness, anger and sadness tbat women feel in relation to their feeding experiences.

A disappointing experience of breastfeeding can cause sadness, yes. But I don't think those other feelings are due to "dysfunctional" breastfeeding. I think women who switch to bottle feeding can feel looked down upon by evangelical promoters of breastfeeding. It's this which causes the anger and defensiveness.

I went to feed my baby in my living room once while my brother was there, he asked "are you going to do that here are you?" Like he thought I should leave the room, and once at my mums house he asked if I was decent before walking into the living room. he's such a prude and he and my dad always look very awkward when I bf in front of them.

"I think women who switch to bottle feeding can feel looked down upon by evangelical promoters of breastfeeding"

Oh never mind individual enthusiasts who say 'breastfeeding is great!' (How very dare they! Breastapo nazis!), just knowing that breastfeeding is believed by the medical and health establishment to be healthier and safer, and that this is communicated regularly through public health promotion is enough to make many mothers feel angry and guilty.

But a scapegoat is always good, if you're looking for someone to blame.

I can't believe this thread is still going!

Um, he's a bloke, lol. Blokes aren't great with being in those kind of surroundings. I know he's your dad but he isn't trying to make you uncomfortable I don't think. I honestly think he's just trying to give you space to do what you need to do.

I'm a card-carrying member of the breastapo and would sooner scratch my eyes out than BF in front of either my father or FIL.

My Mum died right before DD1 was born, so my poor unfortunate Dad bore the full brunt of my over-sharing re. childbirth experience swiftly followed by pretty constant breastfeeding for the next 18 months. He was deeply embarrassed at first, but quickly realised that I wasn't exactly stripping to the waist every time, and being flat as a pancake to start with, my bf-ing norks were still pretty "blink and you'll miss them", so you often wouldn't even really notice what I was about at all.

The only comment he ever made was right at the beginning when, blushing furiously, he asked would I actually be able to breastfeed, given that I am so flat of chest, and was I sure I wasn't setting myself up for disappointment.

His brother, my deeply conservative unmarried uncle, had never heard of such carry-on before, looked it up on the internet, and spent the rest of the year proudly informing customers in his job about the virtues of breastfeeding and what a great job his niece was doing.

Poor Dad. He has a lot of unexpected parenting to do since Mum died.

My MIL, on the other hand, decided early on that my breastfeeding was a passive-aggressive comment on her decision NOT to breastfeed her children.

It takes people in different ways.