To be annoyed at my dad for making me feel awkward breastfeeding

[crunchymummy]

When he comes round and I feed DS he always leaves the room, "I'm just going to check on the dinner." "I'm just going to go for a walk"

UGH I'd like to feel comfortable feeding my son in my own house

AIBU to be annoyed?

My father died long before my children were born. I wish I had your problem!

Your poor dad, he's doing the opposite of trying to make you uncomfortable and is instead probably thinking "oh she'll want privacy" and/or "I feel a bit uncomfortable seeing my grown up DD's breasts" Plenty of dads, I think my own included would feel uncomfortable seeing it. So why is his discomfort more important than yours? If he wants to go let him go. I know you say fil stays but he's not your dad and so probably isn't fussed about seeing your boobs to be honest. Every family and person have different boundaries.

I would just assume he was thinking you might want to not have him in the room and it was an action intended with kindness.

Start leaving your dishes and stuff you may find he makes himself useful.

Ditto teatowel my father died when I was in my mid teens. But I would not have done it in front of my fil or my mothers husband. I did do it in the restaurant when DD was a small baby at my cousins daughters christening but I made sure I was well covered. I had no issue with doing it in certain cafes etc with a bunch other bf mummies but my boobs my choice. I don't think I'd have done it in front of my father but that would have been about me and my relationship with him. As other posters have said he is either embarrassed or respecting you.

Could be worse!
A 10 year old nephew of ours (non Brit) said, 'YUCK!' very loudly more than once when he saw dd breastfeeding her baby. He told her sternly that it was DISGUSTING! and she ought to give her a bottle!

My DB leaves the room if I'm feeding - I think it's because he wants to give me privacy. He is very defensive over a woman's right to feed her child wherever she needs or wants to, he just feels uncomfortable staying. YUBU, he is not trying to make you feel bad

Oh and I'm pretty sure flowers was not being sarcastic

My brother-in-law was the same when i was feeding my baby at theirs (he's moved back home). I did tell him i Didn't mind going upstairs to feed her if it was uncomfortable for him but he point blank refused to let me! His exact words were "oh no you can't, you can't talk to anyone if your upstairs on your own". When i was feeding her though I have never seen him look so intensley at the tv screen! After about a week he just forgot about it didnt realise i was feeding her half the time.

"Every family and person have different boundaries"

You absolutely would not be saying this if the OP was gay and her dad was leaving the room every time she hugged or kissed her partner or held her hand because he was embarrassed by it.

It's only alright if we say it's ok to feel and show discomfiture over breastfeeding, never any other morally acceptable but culturally unfamiliar behaviour.

Oh, and YANBU op. Your dad is a grown man. Tell him to get a grip.

Would add, my own dad (sadly gone now), had the decency to simply ignore my breastfeeding. FIL on the other hand, comes from a country where people aren't neurotic about breastfeeding and fixated on breasts. He would quite happily come over and give the dc a kiss while they were feeding.

Actually that was possibly a bit close for comfort. Even for me.

When my first son was born, my parents came to visit and my dad stood in the garage for most of the two hours they were in the house, because he couldn't be in the same room as me breastfeeding (under a cover with no boob on display!!)
It annoyed me if the truth be told. He was such a hands on dad to me, and my mum breastfed me so I can't see what the issue was. When I go into labour, he and my mum have offered to come and babysit while I go into hospital. I feel like if he sees me have a contraction that he might die of embarrassment!!

Itstime - you'd be saying this if the op was gay and her father was lurching out of the room in mortification every time she held her partner's hand?

Well no, because it's a stupid bloody comparison to make minifingerz. It's not comparable. Good job trying to make it something more than it is though. Well done

YABU

He obviously feels awkward and is excusing himself politely from the room.

He's not being negative, he feels uncomfortable and wants you to be comfortable. Much better than your family asking you to leave the room. I know one friend who when her mother came round she had to go to her room in her own house as it made her mother feel uncomfortable!

I suppose your dad is doing what he thinks is respectful and leaving you to it. My dad/grandad/DP would walk out the room as well. I guess a majority of men would.
Yes BF is natural, but so is going to the toilet but you wouldn't expect people to stay in the bath room while you laid a log or pissed an ocean, now would you.

The 'being gay' comparison is utterly ridiculous.

Some people do feel awkward when a couple starts hugging and kissing, while sitting in the same room as them anyway...regardless of whether they're gay or hetrosexual.

The OP's dad doesn't need to be 'told to get a grip'. He's excusing himself quietly and politely, as he's perfectly entitled to do.

I don't think the dad is being unreasonable either. My parents are divorced and when my dad used to take my sisters and me shopping as teenagers he clearly felt awkward in the underwear department because he used to shove a handful of notes at us and run away to a cafe. Some people are more comfortable around certain things than others. He hasn't been rude or asked you to stop. I think it's fine for him to politely disappear.

My FIL could never tell whether I was feeding or just holding the baby, so he would swoop in to kiss baby then make a big song and dance 'oh so sorry, I didn't know you were feeding her' slapped his own hand.
I do love him. It's like say what you see.

That's really made me smile Ava. Like he was always just so excited to see her