I think my husband's drinking is getting out of hand...

[LovelyBath]

He drank three bottles of red wine last night. I noticed the amount, as in the last month or two I have stopped drinking at all.

I think it is too much. He went to the shop late in the evening to get the third bottle. This concerns me.

If he his, what can I do? It is his responsibility, not mine. But I don't want him to make himself ill. He doesn't do this every night by the way. Mainly at the weekends.

Blimey - that is a lot.

My husband is a heavy, anti-social, drinker (something he's working on, thankfully!) but I have never known him to consume three bottles of wine to himself of an evening.

Unfortunately, as I learnt with my husband, the change does need to come from him - no amount of nagging, getting cross, or guilt-tripping will make any difference. He needs to want to change it. I am pregnant with our first DC and that was what seemed to change my husband's attitude to alcohol. He has now cut down to drinking low-alcohol cider 3 nights a week maximum, but it has been quite a slow process and I've had to be patient and let him get on with it, his way. Compared to how much he was drinking previously though, it is an improvement and one he made by himself, without me telling him what to do.

I hope your husband can find the will to make a change here, as that level of consumption, even if he only does it one night a week, really isn't healthy.

I feel for you - it's really difficult living with and loving someone who indulges in such destructive behaviour. There were many times when I thought it could lead to the end of my relationship because I felt so powerless to help him.

cozietoesie What won't they have done?

OP, I apologise if I've missed your answer but someone asked if he drives the next day? I pray he doesn't.

I'm sorry, Mary. I'm not sure to which post your question was directed?

OP when you go on holiday to France, who will be doing the driving?

In your place I'd be telling him you aren't going to risk your children's lives in the car if he's still drinking then.

I don't think the OP was willing to address that one, Mini. Very happy to stand corrected there.

I'm sorry, Mary. I'm not sure to which post your question was directed?

My question was directed to the post where you said:

"They may not specifically have done one, I fear. Surgeries can be astonishingly complaisant where they think they know their clients. And can also overlook things at times."

Ta.

Just that, in my own experience, a good and winning smile together with an authoritative delivery can quell most GP practices. (Along with some quiet obfuscation on dates.) Dependents are often in the business of manipulation and denial, sadly.

I'm going to leave aside the medication issue because if he shouldn't be drinking on that then there isn't much more to say.

On the 3 bottles of wine subject, I do find MN to be very conservative and pretty judgy of alcohol consumption. I am a fairly big drinker as is my social circle. I have occasionally got through 3 bottles of wine in a day- don't forget that's around 9 large glasses- in 12-15 hours not so much. OP doesn't seem to have said that this is a daily thing which has been assumed. Also there is a lot of emphase on cost and driving neither of which are flagged as a problem.

OP you sound lovely but you need to decide for yourself (not MN because with all due respect it seems anyone who has had a big night out is alcohol dependant on here) whether you are comfortable with his consumption. He is an adult. He may need help, but he may also just want to drink loads. You can't tell him what to do. And GPs don't speak to other people about patients problems

with all due respect, op appears to be ignoring the fact of her H driving the next day after drinking 3 bottles of wine the day before....but that does not mean it isn't a problem

If I had DC and my husband was drinking himself into liver failure, yes I would tell our GP.

Can he go sun to thur with no drinking?

If you don't see him drinking do you assume he isn't?

3 bottles does seem essessive esp going out to get another

Does he think he has a problem?

Sadly my husband was an alcoholic and suffered from severe depression. All got too much for him and killed his self 5yrs ago next weekend

He was detoxed at hospital few months before he died and stayed sober for a few months but when died was almost 6 times over the limit

Please get help for your husband now before it is too late

But Liney what would you want your GP to do? They're hardly going to call him, make an appointment on his behalf and try and discuss it with him are they?

I'd expect my GP then to follow the methotrexate protocol to the letter, Buckin.

MTX is highly toxic drug hence can only be used once a week and particularly bad for liver so need regular liver enzymes coupled with alcohol excess gives me serious concern... Just echoing what's already been said as a medic you need to get him help ASAP

I have to say that I don't think there's much that the OP can actually do, apart from laying out the facts. (Let alone the GP - apart from withdrawing treatment which they would be unlikely to do.) Pride and self-determination are big issues for dependents in my experience

I disagree with you, I fear, Buckin. I'm extremely tolerant of drinking liquor - I don't much care either way much of the time - but there are some real flags waving when I look at the OP's husband's behaviour.

On the AA website there is a section of questions for people who think they might have a problem with drinking. You could take a look and if you think he might perhaps show to him? Ultimately it's up to him to do something about his drinking but there's no reason you can't bring it to his attention. Good luck

Thanks for all the messages- there are some really supportive and helpful ones here.

I have seen his last letter with the consultant. It said "I saw this nice chap who is a (his job) and he feels his treatment is working very well" etc etc that was about it, and plans for the continuation of the meds. If they don't ask him about drinking, he isn't going to bring it up.

Anyway. I have called the GP and after a chat with the receptionist (who said might be tricky to discuss husband and meds directly with GP due to confidentiality) decided to write a note to the GP about it. I have put in a copy of the NHS guidelines on Methotrexate and alcohol and said to her I'd given him a copy and he probably won't listen to me about the drinking. I suggested he might however listen to her or his consultant but would prefer he didn't know I had written in case it was seen as interfering. I also suggested that perhaps a liver function test might be a 'wake up' call...

So...we will see. He has since seen the NHS guidance mentioned with note from me left on his desk (he works from home). He hasn't mentioned it, but did say later that I was 'being negative' today which I ignored.

He seems to be functioning OK. Which is probably a worry in itself.

Just that, in my own experience, a good and winning smile together with an authoritative delivery can quell most GP practices. (Along with some quiet obfuscation on dates.) Dependents are often in the business of manipulation and denial, sadly.

Yes, but what are you saying they won't have done? The liver function tests?

Cozie- thanks for your post. With regards to withdrawing treatment it did say not eh NHS guidance it should not be prescribed in people who abuse alcohol or have a history of abusing it.

To be honest, I'd love it if he didn't have to take the methotrexate. It is as mentioned a strong med and I feel it is cheaper than Humira (which had to get funding for) and I don't feel the side effects are being taken as seriously as it should be. They just keep giving it, for years and years. And, again as mentioned it is a weekly things with blood tests etc and well, I feel it is just not a nice med. But it works. It has apparently meant he hasn't had to have surgery he would otherwise have had to. And for that I suppose we should be grateful.

"on the" on the first line. Sorry.

Sorry, I'm a but confused. If the comment about the liver function tests is for me, no I don't think they have done (but they might have, it's his personal stuff so i'm not sure). I know they do regular bloods but they're on things like white cell count, inflammatory markers.

I'd expect my GP then to follow the methotrexate protocol to the letter, Buckin.

There is not reason to think they aren't though. Presumably his liver function tests have been okay which suggests the heavy drinker either doesn't happen often or has only recently happened. You can hardly expect them to stop the methotrexate if the liver function tests are okay and the DH says he is only drinking within guideline limits.

Keepingitreal Liver enzymes...from the GP or a supplement? I don't think he has these.

Op what happens if/ when you go away for the night leaving him in charge of the children? Does he drink then?

Dh sought help from an alcohol counsellor to address his attitude to drink. He wasn't regularly binging and certainly not the amount you describe, but he was sneaking vodka to top up what he was drinking in front of me during the week - maybe a quart bottle a week. It was enough to put him on a different level to me and cause him a sore head/ bad mood and arguments when he had a hangover. After repeatedly saying he'd stop and failing I told him I was leaving. So he sought help. The counsellor was great and got him to make a note of every drink he was having, as dh said he was convinced he wasn't going above the weekly limit. He was absolutely mortified to find out that, when he made a note of it, he was drinking double. His counsellor also told him that the amount he was drinking, coupled with me having, say 2 glasses of wine on Friday night (which is all I have, tops) would be enough to concern social services. This reality check petrified him.

He's had some blips, but on the whole our relationship is happier and better than it has ever been. But it took him reaching rock bottom to seek help.

I do think your dh has a problem, but I think our society is very good at minimises alcohol abuse so he will not recognise it until it begins affecting his relationship with those around him. He needs to do it for himself but my fear is that you will continue to enable his behaviour way past the point of most people's tolerance.