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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think my husband's drinking is getting out of hand...

234 replies

LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 13:31

He drank three bottles of red wine last night. I noticed the amount, as in the last month or two I have stopped drinking at all.

I think it is too much. He went to the shop late in the evening to get the third bottle. This concerns me.

If he his, what can I do? It is his responsibility, not mine. But I don't want him to make himself ill. He doesn't do this every night by the way. Mainly at the weekends.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 14:22

PA I have a bet with him I won't drink until we go on holiday to France in August. Maybe I can say I bet he can't stop for a month. (I read somewhere after a month you stop craving it).

OP posts:
Ipigglemustdie · 06/04/2016 14:22

Snot that much.... Blush

exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 14:23

it's not bad. it's potentially lethal and he will know this - it's standard advice that you don't drink on it as it can cause serious liver damage. the liver will only forgive to a certain point, and methotrexate and extremely high alcohol consumption together can cause irreversible problems.

he will know this, OP. talk to him today.

Original poster
LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 14:25

Do you think I should go to the GP and tell her?

My friend who has MS said the (same) GP rang her to help her to stop smoking as it is bad with MS. It's a small practice and know us well.

It would depend on whether the GP would be willing not to tell him I'd been in to see her though; he wouldn't like that.

Maybe, if it stays the same and he won't change it could be an idea. Maybe she could say how bad it is with his health condition etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 14:26

exWife he might not, don't know how much they explain to him at the consultant's...not specific to alcohol anyway.

OP posts:
exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 14:27

I can't overstate the danger he is putting himself in. something needs to give, and very very soon.

cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 14:27

He might be having 'regular blood tests' but it's highly unlikely - if he's minimising his intake to them - that they'll also be running liver function tests. Could you ask him about maybe having one of those in the course of your conversation?

AnyFucker · 06/04/2016 14:27

He needs to sort this out urgently.

That level of tolerance to alcohol he has developed whilst on methotrexate is a walking time bomb.

NickyEds · 06/04/2016 14:28

I've been known to put it away in my time but 3 bottles of red wine is a huge amount of wine. The vast majority if people would be very, very sick drinking this. Does he work? Does he drive? I'd start with Al-Anon perhaps?

isthismylifenow · 06/04/2016 14:28

Or what about from the angle of how is feeling the next day? Does he suffer with hangovers after a binge (coz sorry OP, that is what it sounds like, binge drinking). If he is feeling awful today, perhaps start the conversation about why is not feeling so great today, the result of the wine last night etc...

Sorry, I don't have personal experience, but I do understand that you are concerned and are trying to help him.

trulybadlydeeply · 06/04/2016 14:28

Yes, the methotrexate itself can lead to liver damage, and with this level of damage he is at very, very high risk of serious damage.

Try adding up the units that you estimate he has in a week, for example yesterday alone was probably 25-30 units. Then make him aware of this, along with the recommended limits.

Has he gone to work today? Has he driven? I shouldn't imagine he is capable of much at all today.

Fairenuff · 06/04/2016 14:29

I don't think there is anything you can OP, other than talk to him. It's the elephant in the room at the moment isn't it.

Ask him whether he thinks three bottles of wine in one day is a good choice for him at the moment and see what he says.

Most likely he will say it's not and he really should cut back. Then you can talk about ways to help him with that such as having a dedicated alcohol free day, no alcohol in the house, etc. and see how he gets on.

If he struggles to manage without it you can ask if he thinks he is dependant on it, etc. If he says not, challenge him to do an alcohol free month and see how he gets on with that.

LineyReborn · 06/04/2016 14:30

I also wonder if the condition he's taking the methotrexate for is adversely affected by that amount if alcohol consumption. Probably is.

The GP needs to know she's prescribing a powerful drug with the known side effect of liver damage to a patient with a drink problem.

Sorry OP - this must be awful to hear.

cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 14:30

Are you certain he's not also got 'private' bottles of spirits going? That behaviour sounds like someone who needs to stay 'topped up' in social/family situations when they can't have a swig of vodka for some reason.

Does he drive the morning/day after?

Narp · 06/04/2016 14:31

I don't know how old your children are, but as time goes on, they will notice; it will affect them

exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 14:31

it is highly unlikely the consultant hasn't advised him of the dangers of drinking on these meds. it's just not filtering through to you.

meds aside he is killing his liver anyway. I had right-sided pain for months and months before I finally quit drinking. after nearly 2 years sober I am very, very lucky not to have sustained irreversible liver damage and my levels are normal. you can not feel a thing, and then you're dying. I watched it happen to someone I know and it's just awful.

this needs to be discussed with your husband, urgently. he must tell the GP what's going on so they can monitor his liver function.

Original poster
LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 14:32

Thank you for the messages about the meds and alcohol.

I have just printed off a summary of the probe with the med and alcohol and liver damage for him which i will leave in the desk with a note for him.

I will go from there. Thank you again.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 14:32

Ah - so he might be having liver function tests just for the methotrexate?

cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 14:33

So he is driving?

exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 14:33

sorry OP, this must be frightening for you. but it must be faced.

Narp · 06/04/2016 14:34

The driving thing is a real worry too

Fairenuff · 06/04/2016 14:34

A note is too passive, OP. You need to talk to him. Get this out in the open.

SurroMummy13 · 06/04/2016 14:36

That's s lot of booze.

cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 14:36

Would Al-Anon be a useful support? (I haven't been to one of their meetings. )

Narp · 06/04/2016 14:38

Good luck, OP. I have a friend who has lived with this for years. I hope your DH can acknowledge and take steps. Hers has not been able to