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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have handed my dd over to my dh and refused to deal with things for a while

208 replies

Sothisishowitfeels · 04/04/2016 19:54

I have posted God knows how many posts on here about my youngest Dd (5 months) I just can't deal with it anymore, she is such incredibly hard work she screams for hours on end she comes out in random rashes, she has excema she, is terrible to feed, she wakes regularly at night. She has been in hospital twice already with chest infections, she is constantly snotty and dribbling to the extreme and has been since birth. She scratches herself constanly if you allow her access to her body - she has a bleeding cut on her leg which she did with her own finger despite me cutting her nails down as far as I physically can.

She cuts herself and bleeds so easily - today she had a bleeding cut on her chin which she got from a rusk ffs.

She has non blanching spots which I'm told are petichae but no one is told me why she gets these on her legs.

I have asked our go about these issues but because I have pnd (which frankly isn't surprising) he just asks me how I am sleeping etc.

This is not my first rodeo - she is my 6th child but I just can't take it anymore she screamed for hours on end today. today I have told him that I need him to do something . He works long hours, I know that I am probably asking the impossible but I am too tired to care.

I blurted it all out to him, showed him photos of our day which were various rashes, screaming and cuts and he has said he is calling the gp tomorrow to find out wtf is going on and tell them it's pretty much not in my head which is what I'm sure they believe it is.

He has sat her with me while she screamed for hours solid he knows that she is to say the least difficult.

Was I being unreasonable . I have literally left him holding the baby, he is going to have to take time off work to go to he gp for something that is potentially on my head.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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RavioliOnToast · 13/04/2016 04:10

I came to say exactly what. KP said. My DD suffers with cows milk protein intolerance and most days I was so fucking sick and didn't know what was wrong that I was seriously considering running away. In a midnight flit to teach I picked up some soya milk to see if it was the dairy causing problems, within a day, I had a different baby. It was remarkable.

Pm me if you want to Thanks

Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:18

Abso - I started giving her some purées etc at 5.5 months (she's pretty much 6 now). Because the HV said she thought she might have reflux and that this often improves with weaning. Tbh she is only having a teeny amount of food atm!

Today I have given her no food just milk and she hasn't developed the rash on her back she has had the last couple of days. But the HV this morning told me to push on with weaning and that if it was a food allergy she would have the rash on her face not her back!

So confusing! ( which is probably why I'm lying awake at 4amGrin)

OP posts:
Spandexpants007 · 13/04/2016 04:19

If you were having cows milk while breast feeding, that would have passed through to her

RavioliOnToast · 13/04/2016 04:23

My DD was also prescribed baby gaviscon, to help with the reflux she was getting because of the cows milk. Honestly, ask for a prescription just to try. They wouldn't give me one so that's why I bought the soya, when I could tell them 100% it had worked, she was prescribed nutramigen formula

Baconyum · 13/04/2016 04:26

That gp that keeps fobbing you off needs struck off! Idiot!

Sounds and looks like classic allergy convergence (what everyone knows as when kids/some families have asthma, eczema and hay fever) which we're gradually learning also tends to come with cmpa and certain stomach issues (ibs, Crohn's, diverticulitis, gert).

It's particularly prevalent in Scandinavian and Celtic genealogy (fair haired fair skinned).

But the studies are only at peer review stage so not widely known yet.

Definitely push to get on anti allergy formula ASAP, I bet within 12 hours many symptoms will be gone and baby much happier.

For the eczema, avoid heavily scented products inc fabric conditioner, febreze on fabrics that baby in lots of contact with, air fresheners, scented baby bathing products and toiletries, aim for clothes to be cotton as much as possible. Cloth nappies might be worth a try too, tricky as disposables better for dryness but cloth not got plastic in which can irritate.

For chest, avoid possible hay fever triggers in the house, humidifiers, don't have home too warm.

Most of my family have these issues and several friends too.

Baconyum · 13/04/2016 04:27

Forgot to say an immunologist would be better than a general paediatrician but a paediatric immunologist would be best.

Baconyum · 13/04/2016 04:28

Sorry keep forgetting bits - yes citrus fruits can be problematic too that includes tomatoes.

Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:30

That's interesting bacon - me and my kids have red hair freckles and ghost white skin Smile

I am going to try buying some milk to see if it helps !

OP posts:
Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:33

With the fruit - how long afterward would you expect a rash. She was only developing the rash about 4 hours after eating and on her back and stomach not her face. The HV said this wouldn't fit a food allergy?

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 13/04/2016 04:39

If you even slightly suspect food allergies, you need to not wean until as late as possible and then avoid foods that are more likely to cause problems .

So don't give her solids at all just yet as she's too young .

When your do wean her, avoid risky foods such as wheat ( rusks ) , tomatoes, nuts and fruits. Try rice and no salt rice cakes, porridge made with oats , rice pudding ( made with special formula ) and vegetable purres instead of fruit.

You can easily buy GF bread and pasta .

We have a family history of aetopic disease and so my kids didn't have any " high risk " foods until they were 10 months old .

Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:43

Argh the only foods I have given her are rusks and fruit Blush I had no idea this was a bad move!

Ok my plan - buy new milk, stop with food for a couple of weeks to see if milk helps. I am hoping to hear from the gp about the HV fax so see what she says (I asked for a different gp!)

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 13/04/2016 04:44

Forgot to ask - do you have pets in the house or does anyone work with animals ?

Do any of you smoke ?

I agree with Bacony to avoid all products on baby - nothing in bath or on hair . Just wash her with water .

Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:47

We have a cat bit no smokers apart from MIL who we see less than once a week (and she smokes outside!)

Ok so stop using any soap and just apply the aveeno after the bath?

OP posts:
Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:48

Her skin is actually lovely and smooth for the moment apart from the blood spots on her legs!

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 13/04/2016 04:48

Also, do you have carpets in the house ? I mean rather than wood or other hard flooring ? If so, don't put baby down on the carpet directoy, use a towel . In case she also has a problem with dust mites .

Can you vacuum her cot mattress and air her cot bedding over a hard chair every day ?

Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:49

Forgot to add the fruit puree she had I thought "might" have caused the spots was apple , pear and papaya.

OP posts:
Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 04:53

We have carpet upstairs but wood down ( although we do have a big fluffy rug!)

Kristina can I ask could pimple like spots be allergy? this is what she had after the purées .

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 13/04/2016 04:55

Sorry, I'm just trying to think of reasonably easy ways of reducing her contact with known allergens until you can get a better idea of what is actually causing her problems . As Bacony said, , it may well be more than one thing but it won't do any harm to be as careful as possible .

The cat is tricky as obviously you can't rehome the cat just in case . Can you try to keep the cat out of her bedroom and her buggy ?

I think someone up thread said to apply the cream 8 times a day not once .

I would try to bath her less often too, maybe two or three times a week, not daily . Just wash her hand and face and nappy area on the other days .

Baconyum · 13/04/2016 04:59

Not surprised you're redheads my lot are red/blonde too except dad and sister (and they don't have the allergy issues). Rest of us also very fair skinned, prone to freckles and sunburn. Atopy is the same thing I'm in Scotland sometimes things have different names here eg scarletina instead of scarlet fever, peely wally etc lol

Yes the only bath product used when my lot (me and cousins) little was oilatum and oats as a folk remedy. Eucalyptus for the chest. One cousins eczema so bad she was 'greased up' and wrapped in cotton bandages at night like a cute wee mummy! (Meant she couldn't scratch as much too).

We all still have to be careful with toiletries, hair dye (dying red hair a nightmare anyway!) detergents etc even as adults. I haven't even tried anything new in years my biggest frustration is when a product disappears or is changed.

Kr1stina · 13/04/2016 05:05

It could be eczema triggered by an allergy I think. But I'm not a doctor , just a mum with very allergic children and I do think you need professional advice .

It seems to me that you have multiple possible sources of problems - CPM allergy , other food intolerances, pets, dust mites, soap powder, skin products - and you need to cut out as many things as possible until you get baby more settled.

Then once she's stable and happy and you are feeling better, you will be better able to judge what's causing an adverse reaction with her . I suspect it will be more than one thing .

The good news is that in the long term is that children often grow out of some of their allergies / intolerances .

Baconyum · 13/04/2016 05:05

Yyy to not bathing daily, my dd even now gets rashy legs if she showers 2 days in a row. (Teen).

You can get hoovers for allergies/dust mites/pet fur.

Yes to cat not in her room. You can also get hypoallergenic cot mattresses which I also did plus I got hypoallergenic one for Moses basket but I think your baby too old for Moses now?

It's been a while for me but someone will correct me if wrong - is freezing cuddly toys for killing dust mites? Or just germs? Certainly wash regularly

Baconyum · 13/04/2016 05:08

Yes they outgrow things, dd was severely allergic to strawberries lemons and cherries when little but is fine with them now.

Original poster
sothisishowitfeels · 13/04/2016 05:08

Ok I am going to give all of the advice I have had ok this thread a go! It can't make things worse (fingers crossed!)

My older children have been so easy compared to this!

OP posts:
MartinaJ · 13/04/2016 05:09

I am sensitive to fruits and veggies such as pepper, tomatoes, apples, grapes etc. It can manifest itself in different ways. Recently I ate a hot chilli sauce with my chicken wings. Came to the chemist asking for zirtec with my back and arms already itching, even my ears were itchy. If your baby is sensitive, she can have rash on her back, no bother.

Kr1stina · 13/04/2016 05:13

My kids are all school age now and have very few problems. We don't have pets or carpets and have leather sofas and they don't use bath products ( except simple soap and shampoo ) and I use non bio Eco soap powder and they have no skin problems .

I'm the only one who has to have a GF diet and like Bacony, be very careful about using new products, especially skin care . I do several tests over days before trying anything new on my face or neck ! Sometimes I can become allergic to products I have used for years :-(

However I should say that my kids DONT have CMP allergies so I don't know how that works out in the long term