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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have handed my dd over to my dh and refused to deal with things for a while

208 replies

Sothisishowitfeels · 04/04/2016 19:54

I have posted God knows how many posts on here about my youngest Dd (5 months) I just can't deal with it anymore, she is such incredibly hard work she screams for hours on end she comes out in random rashes, she has excema she, is terrible to feed, she wakes regularly at night. She has been in hospital twice already with chest infections, she is constantly snotty and dribbling to the extreme and has been since birth. She scratches herself constanly if you allow her access to her body - she has a bleeding cut on her leg which she did with her own finger despite me cutting her nails down as far as I physically can.

She cuts herself and bleeds so easily - today she had a bleeding cut on her chin which she got from a rusk ffs.

She has non blanching spots which I'm told are petichae but no one is told me why she gets these on her legs.

I have asked our go about these issues but because I have pnd (which frankly isn't surprising) he just asks me how I am sleeping etc.

This is not my first rodeo - she is my 6th child but I just can't take it anymore she screamed for hours on end today. today I have told him that I need him to do something . He works long hours, I know that I am probably asking the impossible but I am too tired to care.

I blurted it all out to him, showed him photos of our day which were various rashes, screaming and cuts and he has said he is calling the gp tomorrow to find out wtf is going on and tell them it's pretty much not in my head which is what I'm sure they believe it is.

He has sat her with me while she screamed for hours solid he knows that she is to say the least difficult.

Was I being unreasonable . I have literally left him holding the baby, he is going to have to take time off work to go to he gp for something that is potentially on my head.

OP posts:
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8
CadburysTastesVileNow · 05/04/2016 12:05

If you can get the soy formula off prescription, I'd be tempted to do so if you possibly can, and give it a go.

WaverleyOwl · 05/04/2016 12:14

I don't have personal experience of this, but a friend of mine did and it sounds so similar to you - this is her experience - sorry for DM link, but I think it is worth it.

The despair you felt sounds so similar and your wee one looks so miserable. It's heartbreaking for both of you Sad

Janecc · 05/04/2016 12:23

Op please ask for a second opinion immediately. Or get a private paediatrician now. Your DH has been fobbed off. I agree to try non dairy and soya free formula.
A couple of people have advised a cranial osteopath. This is very gentle manipulation of the head and spine to give relief and comfort to distressed babies. Often stress on the head/spine is generated in the birthing process. It may be worth a shot as well. I saw one for me in and after pregnancy for chronic pain. Provided good relief.

Original poster
Sothisishowitfeels · 05/04/2016 12:25

I have spoken to the health visitor who was actually great and she is coming back next week so I will update her and hopefully she will have more ideas.

I know she was really helpful about my older dd who she is pushing to get assessed for various things due to her behaviour and also we are supposed to be speaking to a behaviour nurse and a continence nurse about her.

Tbh at the moment I feel like I just need someone to come in and just fix things, it sounds pathetic but some days at the moment it is hard to just get out of bed and not spend the day crying in a heap let alone dealing with my 5 year olds constant bad behaviour or the screaming of the baby.

I have lathered her in the aveeno - it says apply frequently and often . So I will do that she seemed unimpressed at being moisterized and now she feels greasy but hopefully it will help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sothisishowitfeels · 05/04/2016 12:26

I am looking at other formulas as well we are trying to decide whether to try that or not! The HV said she is going to speak to a dietician to get her opinion so I might wait for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sothisishowitfeels · 05/04/2016 12:28

She is lying on the couch naked in a towel looking at me like "mother why the fuck have you stripped me off and covered me in grease"Smile

OP posts:
Janecc · 05/04/2016 12:34

Oh bless. Next week seems an awfully long time to wait. Have you had any thoughts about going back to gp second opinion demanding 2 week supply non soya/dairy formula? sometimes you have to be really hard nosed. I know ur tired.

Original poster
Sothisishowitfeels · 05/04/2016 12:42

Would you believe that until my last baby was born I was one of "those" mothers with an activity Pinterest board and ffs a BLOG. I used to bake bread and sew clothes. I barely do anything apart from shout at dd(5) and cry at dd (5 months) now!

My dh has finally asked about a vasectomy so I think that sums up my house atm!

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 05/04/2016 12:43

My experience was very similar to Waverly's friend in that DM link. I was constantly fobbed off as neurotic by my GP. It turned out DS has multiple severe food allergies.

He was allergic to nutramigne and wouldn't take Neocate, so I breastfed him until he was 2 on a restricted diet.

I don't know what your financial situation is like, you can buy Neocate over the counter, but it is expensive.

Original poster
Sothisishowitfeels · 05/04/2016 12:43

Janecc- I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow as she is seeing me every two weeks (I think to check I have not gone totally insane!) so I might moan at her about it although I doubt she would go against her colleague and say something else - I don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sothisishowitfeels · 05/04/2016 12:46

We could buy the formula if it would help . We have talked about trying to get a private appointment but tbh we were hoping to pay for an assessment for older dd and we really can't do both. So I don't know which would be the one to go for.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 05/04/2016 12:47

DS turned out to have CMPA, egg allergy and soya intolerance. He was fine being EBF, but suddenly broke out with all over eczema at 5 months. With hindsight, I'd given him formula when I was exhausted from being woken every 2 hour from a growth spurt. The first reaction I identified was early in weaning when I gave him baby porridge and his face swelled until he couldn't open his eyes. I flung him half dressed in the car and hared it to the GP in 2 minutes. Even though they saw that reaction, it still took 2 more visits before I got a referral to peads and a dietician. It was 6 months from weaning when we were advised to change his diet.

He's grown out of it gradually, and at 5 has enough tolerance to milk and soya that as long as I'm careful at home, he can cope normally when out. Quantity matters.

It's so frustrating that it's such a fight to get this identified when every feed aggravates the condition.

KP86 · 05/04/2016 12:47

That doctor sounds like a moron.

Private paed or allergist. Or take to the hospital when the rash is bad and say the doctor won't help but you think it's something serious.

Such rubbish. Makes me really angry.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 05/04/2016 12:51

If you live in the Norfolk area Sothis I have 3 tubs of Althera going to waste!

I don't know if I'd buy it or wait a week tbh; I wouldn't buy soy formula though, definitely not.

PS my finest invention so far in motherhood is applying ds's eczema cream to the tune of "what shall we do with the drunken sailor" but "what shall we do with the itchy baby" - "cover him with creeeeaaaam" of course! You can have that Wink

Believeitornot · 05/04/2016 12:51

It took me several trips to different gps to have one take me seriously re CMP intolerance.... They try and persuade you otherwise. Honestly you have to battle until you find a sympathetic one!

MrsFlorrick · 05/04/2016 12:56

Poor you and you DD ThanksThanks I don't have experience of cows milk/protein allergy.

However insuffer from an allergy to all biological washing powders and liquids. The rash in your DDs photo looks identical to mine when I've been exposed. A sort of non blanching rash which merges into larger areas. No amount of soothing cream soothes it and it just feels strange. Sort of both itchy and painful at the same time.

Before I was diagnosed (mine came on slowly during my early 30s), it slowly started to hurt and cause me pain. However initially there was no pain. It also affected my head as in streaming eyes and nose plus massive headache.

If I am accidentally exposed now, I will get a rash and feel a bit rough for a couple of days.

I'm not suggesting all the other lovely posters are wrong about cows milk at all. I'm just suggesting it might be biological detergents as well as cows milk.

I also find there are a lot of non-bio detergents I can't use (Persil, Ariel). My absolute cryptonite is anything Ariel. If I hug someone who has washed their clothes in Ariel I start sneezing and my eyes start running.

I find Fairy non bio just fine.
And I avoid softeners just in case.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2016 12:58

Yes I had mentioned he problems to several drs amd nurses on three hospital admissions and at least three drs and the health visitors out of hospital.

I basically begged/demanded a trial on formula.

bloody glad I did. made such a difference

BarbarianMum · 05/04/2016 13:03

Typical useless GP reaction. Honestly, go in tomorrow and tell them that you want an investigation into cmp allergy as soon as it can possibly be arranged. And a trial 2 week period on hypoallergenic formulae in the meantime. Tell them you are at the end of your tether. If they refuse demand a second opinion. Make them explain to you why they think it idn't worth investigating.

I said the above to our GP after ds1 had his first adverse reaction to cows milk. All geared up for a fight due to my crappy experience as a child. I wore them down after 10 min. He was diagnosed with cmp and peanut allergy at the first hospital appointment.

Hopelass · 05/04/2016 13:05

That GP reaction isn't good enough. Your DD needs to see a paediatrician and/or an allergy specialist. I'm in the north west and can give you names/numbers if that's any use? I'm with others, it does sound like CMPA or similar. Poor baby and poor you Thanks

APomInOz · 05/04/2016 13:11

I haven't read all the thread, but I want to suggest seeing a naturopath. Drs cure symptoms but naturopaths look at the whole picture and find out why it is happening and do it in a natural way. A friend has a daughter who had severe eczema, that she was covered in sores and bled often, it turned out to be food allergies (many) but she is now on a strict diet but a happy beautiful little girl. Look at all options, they can also help you too.
Hope your DP steps up and takes the time out, you have every right to pass the baby over and have some much needed rest and respite. Good luck.

Twixthecat · 05/04/2016 13:15

Aah I really feel for you. It's definitely not in your head - you've got photos!
Do go to the GP. Ask for help! Can you make appointment with the health visitor? Just having someone else to talk to about everything and give a professional opinion may really help. They see hundreds of babies so will know if anything unusual that needs investigating (e.g. possible allergies/ reactions). My HV never actually gave much useful advice themself, but they did have a lot more time than the GP to discuss stuff and would be able to recommend other services, support etc that's available.

trinitybleu · 05/04/2016 13:21

Definitely see another GP - ask if your surgery has one who specialises in pediatrics or allergies. I was very lucky in that my GP was an ex pediatrician and so she took my concerns seriously straight off and DD was diagnosed as lactose intolerant at 4 months old (from a reducing sugars test on a stool sample).

Hacker - I know what you mean though about the very 'high maintenance' baby but as we never had "failure to thrive" issues with her weight I was worried no one would take me seriously. She piled on an oz a day, from birth! But seemed so unhappy. She wasn't totally better until she stopped bfing, but so much happier within 48 hours of me giving up dairy and then moving to Nutrimigen when the time came, plus weaning.

ParsleyTheLion1 · 05/04/2016 13:45

I have one child. And work part time. I feel perpetually exhausted. You have 6 children. I can't imagine how beyond shattered you must feel. And so everything is bound to feel overwhelming.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/04/2016 13:49

www.scratchsleeves.co.uk/

These things are a lifesaver and they are super quick about sending them out.

Janecc · 05/04/2016 16:23

Just seen your post. Good. I'm glad you're seeing your GP tomorrow. I hope it goes well - sounds like the app is for you but maybe he/she will listen and help. I saw you are on some meds to calm and help you - which is great. And I don't know whether they will help with DD but I imagine you can actually refuse to leave until you do get what you need. I can't imagine how tough it must be with so many children and stil staying sane.