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AIBU?

To never lend SIL money again

157 replies

TrixieBlue2016 · 02/04/2016 12:56

First thing yesterday morning DH got a call from SIL saying she had lost her purse when out the night/3am before and could he lend her some money to tide her over until she gets new bank cards. She needed £250 (food, new shoes for her DS and petrol). DH agrees and goes to the ATM and dropped it round.

SIL has recently been in trouble at work and thought she might lose she job. SIL texted DH and me to say she was really upset so couldn't talk but was fired and won't get any notice so won't get paid. SIL asked DH for money to cover her rent and bills until she gets benefits. DH again agrees.

We are friends on Facebook. SIL was posting photos of going out for lunch and then dinner with her friends. It was clear they were drinking as the post after dinner were a bit off. Fair enough being fired is shit.

Looking at Facebook this morning DH saw her posted that including slagging off DH as gullible. DH called she and SIL told him that she hadn't lost her cards and wasn't made redundant. DH asked for all the money back. SIL has spent it on going out and new clothes for her (and not anything for her DS). All the clothes were in their bags unworn and tagged so DH took all the bags when he left. SIL was angry he did this.

Luckily the bags had the receipts and the stuff was paid in cash. So DH intends to take everything back.

SIL is now texting me saying it was an April fool and a joke and has told MIL that DH came to her house a took her things (not anything about the money).

I have suggested we no longer lend her money ever again. SIL has borrowed and paid back money a number of times before. She was terrible credit so wont be able to get a loan or credit card and doesnt budget properly. AWBU to say to tell never again to lending money.

OP posts:

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bloodyteenagers · 03/04/2016 21:20

Wowzers. They sound charming.
Cannot believe she hard the nerve to say he doesn't do a thing when he has been funding them for years.

As for logging with police. Do people really believe you can call the polic and say I want this logged. I was just assaulted? You do realise how the police work right? You phone to report a crime and they investigate?

clam · 03/04/2016 21:20

20k? How does £300 a month add up to £20k?

TrixieBlue2016 · 03/04/2016 21:28

When my mother found me on the web and sent an email to my work I reported it to the police as she had been threatening in the past. The police (Police Scotland) logged as a potential issue. That way if we phoned them in 999 they would know the there had been previous.

I know know DH has been using 'his ' money primarily supporting them rather than saving for the manshed he has always wanted.

I am a bring forth the dogs of war type of person if someone hurts me and DH is not. I have suggested he books an appointment with my counsellor to talk about were to go from here.

OP posts:

ItsJustPaint · 03/04/2016 21:31

Wow.

There is no way in any 'normal' world that could be considered a joke.

You and your dh sound lovely 'normal' folk who would do what they can to help out friends and family in need.

I hope you now realise that this fraction of your family are taking the piss and you never let them take advantage of your generosity again

RubbleBubble00 · 03/04/2016 21:52

hopefully your dh will follow through and cancel all the extras he's been paying. His mum has a roof over her head that he has supplied so anything else he should not feel guilty about.

RebootYourEngine · 03/04/2016 21:52

300 per month for the 17 years that your DH has been working is about 60 grand.

That is a lot of money.

GeoffreysGoat · 03/04/2016 22:19

Oh yeah, probably more like 16k. 10% to savings, 50% to household leaves that much spendies unaccounted for

SquinkiesRule · 03/04/2016 22:19

Wow that did escalate fast.
SIL will soon realize how much help Dh has been once she has to cover all her own bills.

rollonthesummer · 03/04/2016 22:57

Has he cancelled their sky/car insurance etc?

SheHasAWildHeart · 04/04/2016 01:03

Are you ok OP?

OzzieFem · 04/04/2016 06:06

What a shock that must have been for your husband, being slapped after everything he has done for his mother and sister in the past. Sadly it just goes to show how abused he has unknowingly been over the years.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/04/2016 06:33

Make sure he cancels all the dds while he's still angry. It's high time for mil and sil to be self sufficient.

CoraPirbright · 04/04/2016 07:06

Does your SIL work? What about her childs father - where is he in all this and why isn't he contributing to new shoes?

Its going to be a real shocker when they realise just what the SIL's so called 'joke' has cost them in real terms. When the car insurance is cancelled, I wonder if they will cover the cars themselves or just drive without insurance...

coconutpie · 04/04/2016 09:04

Bloody hell. DH should report her to the police and sell the house. Let those two stand on their own two feet for a change.

Collaborate · 04/04/2016 09:25

Make sure that there's nothing in his name. There's one thing paying their bills (which can easily be stopped) - another thing entirely making it his bills.

RuthyToothy · 04/04/2016 09:41

Wow that did escalate fast.

Indeed.

Just how luxurious was this 'manshed' that you thought your DH was saving for, that approx 10% of his salary was disappearing to fund it each month?

TrixieBlue2016 · 04/04/2016 10:03

The 10% savings is for the family savings account. DH wants to build a hut/shed type thing at the bottom of the garden sound proofed for his band. He is a drummer.

DH has decided not to cancel the car insurance but intends to after emailing MIL and SIL to let them know so they can organise some. For everything else he has cancelled them as most need 30 days notice. If it was me I would have cancelled it without telling them and then reported them to the police for having no insurance. I am aware I react in an extreme way to this sort of thing, I am a one and done type of person. You hurt me and mine once I go nuclear. I know this is unreasonable.

DH has about £1000 left each month to pay for his car, gym, clothes, hobbies and what every he likes. That's why I thought he was saving for the 'manshed'.

He doesn't want to go NC and hasn't reported MIL to the police. He feels guilty about what has happened. I do to, for how upset DH is. I must admit pushing DH to stand up to them. We spent most of Saturday night discussing his family comparing them to mine and what if I did it to DSS.

OP posts:

wallywobbles · 04/04/2016 10:07

Dont think it'll be finished. Please make sure he gets help and does loads of reading around the subject. Can you take charge of communication for the next couple of months. Presumably you are going to survive being demonized. In for a penny in for a pound.

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/04/2016 10:12

Why on earth does he feel guilty?.

They deceived him to pay for her night out.
His mum ruthlessly exploited him so she didn't have to work.
Sil mocked him on fb for being so trusting because she knows she can manipulate him.
His mum hit him. She actually hit another adult.

RuthyToothy · 04/04/2016 10:17

Dont think it'll be finished.

No danger of that. I very much doubt that all involved will see the error of their ways and this thread will subsequently fizzle out without the OP and her DH suffering further incidents of jaw-dropping entitlement.

rollonthesummer · 04/04/2016 10:31

Why does he feel guilty?!

I suspect if that's how he feels, they will be able to continue to manipulate him and use him as their cash cow :
He needs to feel angry.

Dragongirl10 · 04/04/2016 10:50

Trixie....l am so sorry for you and your DH... you sound like lovely people.

Please listen to everyone on MN... your lovely kind DH has been treated appallingly by these vile people...family or not.

Neither of you deserve this, do not doubt yourself or take on board any of the vitriol spouted by either DM or SIL...this is not normal on any level...they are the worst type of scroungers.

Go NC if you can.

Wishing you a much happier future without them.

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Fedup21 · 04/04/2016 10:52

What exactly has he cancelled of theirs?

I can't believe people would be so horrible to him when he's quite literally supporting their lifestyle?! Are there no other men on the scene?

NeedACleverNN · 04/04/2016 11:05

I've read this with that look on my face!

Even my dh is in shock

I'm sorry this has all happened but it's time your mil stops sponging off her son.

Parents should care for their children not the other way

TrixieBlue2016 · 04/04/2016 11:31

In a way I understand what DH has been doing. I had to pay off my parents to leave me alone.

Thankfully I had sold some tech coding which made me a lump of money before I changed my name and moved away. I was able to effectively buy out of my family. As I have a new name and have changed my hair colour, body shape and my braces have changed by face shape, I don't need to worry having my family contact me. I could walk past them in the street without then recognising me. DH doesn't have that luxury.

We will need to be able to coexist with them as we live in the same city.

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