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AIBU?

To never lend SIL money again

157 replies

TrixieBlue2016 · 02/04/2016 12:56

First thing yesterday morning DH got a call from SIL saying she had lost her purse when out the night/3am before and could he lend her some money to tide her over until she gets new bank cards. She needed £250 (food, new shoes for her DS and petrol). DH agrees and goes to the ATM and dropped it round.

SIL has recently been in trouble at work and thought she might lose she job. SIL texted DH and me to say she was really upset so couldn't talk but was fired and won't get any notice so won't get paid. SIL asked DH for money to cover her rent and bills until she gets benefits. DH again agrees.

We are friends on Facebook. SIL was posting photos of going out for lunch and then dinner with her friends. It was clear they were drinking as the post after dinner were a bit off. Fair enough being fired is shit.

Looking at Facebook this morning DH saw her posted that including slagging off DH as gullible. DH called she and SIL told him that she hadn't lost her cards and wasn't made redundant. DH asked for all the money back. SIL has spent it on going out and new clothes for her (and not anything for her DS). All the clothes were in their bags unworn and tagged so DH took all the bags when he left. SIL was angry he did this.

Luckily the bags had the receipts and the stuff was paid in cash. So DH intends to take everything back.

SIL is now texting me saying it was an April fool and a joke and has told MIL that DH came to her house a took her things (not anything about the money).

I have suggested we no longer lend her money ever again. SIL has borrowed and paid back money a number of times before. She was terrible credit so wont be able to get a loan or credit card and doesnt budget properly. AWBU to say to tell never again to lending money.

OP posts:

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TrixieBlue2016 · 03/04/2016 19:42

puzzle I had a heart attack last year. They fucking better no start with that. DH has blocked MIL and SIL from both mobiles and home phone.

OP posts:

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 03/04/2016 19:43

My goodness thats horrendous! :-( I'm so sorry for you and your DH.
You knew they weren't going to loose their meal ticket without a fight :-(
Good for you both for remaining strong.

Also, to the poster who mentioned looking up FOG, thank you for this. Been looking at this myself and a lot of stuff is starting to make a lot of sense.

RebootYourEngine · 03/04/2016 19:44

How does your DH feel? Is he realistically willing to cut them off?

Lweji · 03/04/2016 19:44

So, in addition to being shameless freeloaders they are also rather stupid.

I expect when they realise that they will apologise. What then?

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 03/04/2016 19:45

They have financially abused your family for long enough

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/04/2016 19:46

On the upside you're considerably better off. You'll be mortgage free with all that extra income every month.

Bit low saying he's never one anything. He's done everything apart from chew their food for them.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2016 19:46

I knew DH was paying both their car insurance but I didn't realise the rest, MIL SKY, car payments, SILs bills when needed, council tax arrears, etc

How much was he paying out for them per month?

lem73 · 03/04/2016 19:48

My god how much does your dh earn to afford all that?

LaContessaDiPlump · 03/04/2016 19:50

Shit in a way that slap is a good thing. It'll make your DH absolutely 100% certain he has done the right thing in cutting these freeloaders off.....

MyAmDeryCross · 03/04/2016 19:54

That's awful. You sound like lovely people and don't deserve their crap. If DH is with on this I would phone non emergency police number to report MIL just to get incident log in case you need it in the future. If they carry on harrassing you you could look at getting an injunction. I would serve MIL with notice that she needed to move out. I would cancel any direct debits paying for their shit.

They have behaved in a completely disrespectful way and now they are being pulled up on it are resorting to violence and emotional blackmail.

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 03/04/2016 19:55

Good idea re reporting the incident to the police.

TrixieBlue2016 · 03/04/2016 20:02

DH earns about 40k but I earn 6 figures. We put 50% of our wages into the family Pot and 10% into savings. The rest he can do wot he likes. He hasn't told me how much it is but I think it's at least £300.

If I had my way I'd evict MIL and go NC with both. I'd report MIL to the police and sell the house. But I can only support DH and his decisions.

OP posts:

eddielizzard · 03/04/2016 20:07

financial abuse. it's going to get very nasty when mil & sil realise their meal ticket is finished. brace yourselves! and i think you're doing the right thing.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2016 20:07

How he's been treated is appalling, Let's hope he's seeing them for the scrounging arses they are.

StrictlyMumDancing · 03/04/2016 20:10

Your poor DH. If MIL was going to slap anyone she should have slapped SIL. SIL's stupidity has ruined it for them both. You're right though, sadly - you can only support him in this I fear.

WellErrr · 03/04/2016 20:13

Well, that escalated quickly.

Teddy1970 · 03/04/2016 20:20

SIL is accusing DH of being childish?!! Jesus, this is awful, I'm so sorry for you and your DH.

Inertia · 03/04/2016 20:21

How did buying the house under Right To Buy work - was DH the official tenant after his father left? Presume you have had some watertight advice about that one?

Spandexpants007 · 03/04/2016 20:22

Horrid IL's!! Users and nasty.

A joke is only really a joke if it's funny to the recipient.

AyeAmarok · 03/04/2016 20:36

That's just such awful behaviour. Truly awful, how ungrateful they are. They obviously think they're entitled to be funded by him. And that 800£ plus the 300+ a month is a LOT of money for someone on 40k.

Shocking. Your poor husband.

BoatyMcBoat · 03/04/2016 20:53

Omg. Your poor dh. How does he feel, having people as stupid and self-serving as those two as close relatives.

It is helpful, in a way, that you earn more than he, as that keeps you right in the middle of the loop. Conversely, it does mean that they are likely (as they already have) to blame it all on you.

gamerchick · 03/04/2016 20:57

Inertia you can bring any outside person in to put in for right to buy with you. They don't have to be the properties tenant.

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Fionajsd · 03/04/2016 20:59

What awful people and your poor husband 😟 I hope he's able to stand strong and keep to his word about no more money.
They are despicable and deserve nothing!

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/04/2016 21:00

One of our relatives has bought her mums house under rtb this year. They know the DD bought it.

GeoffreysGoat · 03/04/2016 21:09

So the best part of 20k a year has gone to funding their lifestyles? That was one expensive April fool!

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