To never lend SIL money again

[TrixieBlue2016]

First thing yesterday morning DH got a call from SIL saying she had lost her purse when out the night/3am before and could he lend her some money to tide her over until she gets new bank cards. She needed £250 (food, new shoes for her DS and petrol). DH agrees and goes to the ATM and dropped it round.

SIL has recently been in trouble at work and thought she might lose she job. SIL texted DH and me to say she was really upset so couldn't talk but was fired and won't get any notice so won't get paid. SIL asked DH for money to cover her rent and bills until she gets benefits. DH again agrees.

We are friends on Facebook. SIL was posting photos of going out for lunch and then dinner with her friends. It was clear they were drinking as the post after dinner were a bit off. Fair enough being fired is shit.

Looking at Facebook this morning DH saw her posted that including slagging off DH as gullible. DH called she and SIL told him that she hadn't lost her cards and wasn't made redundant. DH asked for all the money back. SIL has spent it on going out and new clothes for her (and not anything for her DS). All the clothes were in their bags unworn and tagged so DH took all the bags when he left. SIL was angry he did this.

Luckily the bags had the receipts and the stuff was paid in cash. So DH intends to take everything back.

SIL is now texting me saying it was an April fool and a joke and has told MIL that DH came to her house a took her things (not anything about the money).

I have suggested we no longer lend her money ever again. SIL has borrowed and paid back money a number of times before. She was terrible credit so wont be able to get a loan or credit card and doesnt budget properly. AWBU to say to tell never again to lending money.

[rollonthesummer]

I presume you/DH will reply--'I'll come round to you at (insert time) to get the money.'

?

[Lweji]

Yes, tell her that he's going to collect the money and rent.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Is she familiar with the concept of letterboxes?.

[Clutterbugsmum]

If you can afford to lose the money then I would text her back

"Fine, no dinner, no money the bank of DH & I is now permanently closed to you".

She never going to see what she done is wrong, as she has always behaved like this and got away with it.

Unless your DH is going to change the way he behavior towards your SIL and your MIL over giving money or paying the bills for them then there is no reason to change theirs.

[Fionajsd]

Oh my I would be livid and if they were my family I'd be feeing incredibly sad that my family felt they could use me like that , your poor oh.
No lunch tomorrow , let them stew on it . The way they've behaved is totally disgusting x

[BoatyMcBoat]

i have a friend whose family treat him like this. He will give his neices, sisters and mother whatever they want whenever they want it, no matter how rudely they ask or what financial state he is in. He has no direct dependents so it doesn't impact on anyone else, but he tells extraordinary stories about their behaviour and expectations which leave me with my jaw well and truly dropped.

The trouble with these sort of people is that their expectations are high and only get higher. Your dh has other responsibilities now, and has to learn to prioritise differently; not easy but he seems to be making a good enough job of it now. Keeping it up longterm will be the problem. His sister and mother will take some time to learn the new order of things and he will have to stand firm while that's happening. He'll certainly be doing his sister a favour if he does.

[Roussette]

She wasn't playing an April Fools joke, she was taking the piss out of him and posting all about it on Facebook. Slagging him off, making him look stupid, bragging about how gullible he was. Why would your DH want to help someone like that, even if it his DSis?

Short sharp shock needed. Tell her how appallingly she has behaved. Let her earn back your DH's contact with her.

[Greyponcho]

What are we missing from Radical? Are they your SIL??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Okay - so up to now you've had the half hearted "apology" with the suggestion that actually it's all your fault for not "taking the joke" ... oh, and confirmation that you wouldn't have got the money back anyway as she has to buy shoes (at £250??!!)

Soon it will turn to downright anger, emotional blackmail with sudden dire illnesses and all the rest. Is DH prepared to stick this out, do you think?

[rollonthesummer]

Are you going to get the money today?

[coconutpie]

Is Radical the SIL?

[coconutpie]

OP, you can take her to court and get the money back - from all the text messages etc you have evidence that she owes money. And never lend that ungrateful bitch money again. Also, his mother is just as bad - I can't believe your DH, as a young guy, had to go out and work to support his grown ass mother and his younger sibling. Your DH needs to stop this immediately. He has been sucked dry by them for half his life, time to take back control.

[Tywinlannister]

I would text back that she's welcome to come for dinner, but it is £800, and you'll accept cash only. Then give them egg on toast.

I would have thought this couldn't be true but seeing the way my poor MIL is treated sometimes by her family, I know these things do happen.

Don't ever lend these chumps money again.

[Nofunkingworriesmate]

tywinlannister give them egg on toast !! You are being way to generous I'd recommend air crumble with a jus of farts

[BustingOut]

jus of farts

[MrsOs]

Omg it sounds like Mil and sil are carved from the same stone.. I'd be cutting ties with sil she sounds like a total bitch

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I feel sorry for your DN. Your SIL is gonna be sponging off that poor boy for years to come.

[TrixieBlue2016]

Sorry i ve had trouble posting. It has all kicked off. MIL slapped DH.

[Fluffycloudland77]

That's awful, shows what she thinks of him though.

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Wow ... They obvs just want a compliant meal ticket

[twinjocks]

The poor man, he must be utterly shocked. Well, I hope that'll put a final stop to any more lending of money to either of them. And frankly, I'd be wanting to chuck them out of the house I'd paid for them to live in too.

[GeoffreysGoat]

Mil needs evicting

[TrixieBlue2016]

MIL and SIL came luckily without DN to give the rest of the money and DNs new shoes. DSS is at his other DGM (DH exMIL).

SIL thinks DH is being childish he needs a grip. MIL said nothing. DH told them that they obviously don't respect him and he has had enough. There will be no more loans. SIL called his a arsehole who has never done anything for his family. She said I was to blame I made my family hate me so I have started on his. I am controlling. DH had enough and there was more shouting.

I knew DH was paying both their car insurance but I didn't realise the rest, MIL SKY, car payments, SILs bills when needed, council tax arrears, etc. DH is stopping everything, cancelling everything. He will 'continue' to be selfish. This is when MIL slapped him. I had to physically pull her off him as he is an crutches and I thought he would fall over. I then kicked SIL and MIL out.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I'm so very sorry, Trixie - neither of you deserve this, but at least it will hopefully help with his decision

I'll say it again: be prepared for suspected heart attacks, hints of terminal illness and more

[RebootYourEngine]

MIL slapped DH

what the hell!

I think now is the time to start eviction proceedings on your MIL