Not happy that SIL is pregnant at the same time as me

[Earlyday]

I'm sure I'll be told I'm being unreasonable....but anyway...

I'm pregnant after several miscarriages. I've had a really horrible year - apart from the miscarriages. I'm feeling a bit depressed as it's been a lot to go through - and some things are ongoing.

I'm holding off on telling people I'm pregnant for now.

SIL has just announced she's pregnant - just a little bit further along than me.

I've never got on with her. I like my own space but she tries to hard to be best pals and it's not what I want. We are very different personalities. I don't mind meeting up now and then (not often) and being nice - but then I need to get away and have space.

Her and DB recently moved very close to me - initially they tried to move almost right next to my place. She has twice tried to get a job in the same place as me - even though we live in a big city and I can't understand why of all the places in this city she'd be trying to work in my place.

Just as I was starting to feel happy about this pregnancy she announces her pregnancy and I feel myself getting really depressed. I just have this vision of everyone seeing us as a pair now - because we are both at the same stage of pregnancy and our babies will be the same age.

I feel like I will end up having to spend loads of time with her when I'd prefer not to. I'm dreading it. I don't want to bump in to her at the hospital or at baby groups. I feel like I won't be able to enjoy this maternity leave as she'll be close by and expecting to meet up all the time.

DH says to look on the bright-side - our baby will have a cousin to grow up with. I appreciate that part - but I don't like the idea of SIL having to become a big part of my life.

I'm sure I sound horrible to be thinking like this - but I'm not looking forward to announcing in pregnant now - and everyone being delighted that me and SIL might end up in hospital at the same time giving birth , I know SIL will probably start crying with joy when she hears I'm pregnant too - I'm not looking forward to that.

I agree that silence doesn't help with the anxiety but arguments or setting boundries may only create more anxiety the best thing to do is not to overthink it and enjoy the pregnancy...and find a way to spend time with your SIL on your terms in a way that is suitable for you..you don't ever need to be best friends but think about it like in the work situation try to accept her. And rememeber my previous post, once the baby comes you will both be so busy meeting other people that you will hardly have time for eaach other probably any way, :)

I don't get the assumption that SIL will follow you around OP, why would/should she? & you are being rather sly, bitching about her on here. She is pregnant too.. somehow being scornful about her when I can't see what she's actually done to you aside from daring to get pregnant too, doesn't sit right. If she catches onto how you disdain her no doubt you'll be on MN in a year's time complaining about your unfriendly SIL ignoring you/not bonding with your child and then you'll get sympathy too, because any relative of a DH, being that he is a man, is obviously deserving of scorn

You've had a miscarriage and thats not pleasant at all. I was grateful for women around me for advice, help, a shoulder when I lost my 1st then got pregnant again quite quickly. I appreciated them for who they were. & people have lives its quite precious to presume you are somehow going to become the centre of theirs.

Competitiveness against another woman.. so many ways and reasons and excuses contrived to make this a central part and focus of life it seems to be rife.

I am with you OP. The thought of having my child in the same hospital at the the same time as my SIL is just ghastly. And I would bet she would feel the same.

I think you just need to be clear about your boundaries. You will probably meet up on mat leave - and once the babies get a bit bigger they will enjoy seeing each other. But try to limit to an amount you are comfortable with. Once a week maybe?

Is anyone else worried the op hasn't thought through what having a child means.

The op continually states she likes her own space but once the baby is born having "your own space" goes out of the window. What is the op going to do with a child who continuously needs her and follows her around. Does the op not realise that a baby is with you 24 hours per day 7 days per week.
Also people keep telling the op that once the baby is born she will be meeting new people. But if I am reading this right surely the op will be complaining that just because she has had a baby at the same time as someone else doesn't mean they are friends and will be on here complaining that groups want her to do things but she wants her own space, then on here complaining that she has no one to talk to.

Oliversmumsarmy I already have two children - I mentioned one of them above - he has special needs and requires a lot of extra help so i already know what it's like to have almost no space

And I do already do things with friends - but with people who are on the same wave- length as me -people that are happy to meet up but not pushing for more and more time.

I think you need to be brutally honest with your sil and explain how the way she behaves makes you feel.
It'll be kill or cure though I'm afraid.

It's a shame beause you should be happy. She obviously thinks highly of you but really you can't stand her.

Some families are very smothering and I too like my own space as I like my own life and it doesn't need to involve family all the time.

You will sound unreasonable if you deaf her out so there isn't a lot you can do. Just try and focus on your own pregnancy, you're not sharing a pregnancy with her.

I am pregnant at the same as my SIL (her little boy is 5 weeks old and mine is due in 7 weeks) I've felt ridiculously lucky to have someone else go through pregnancy at the same time as me. I've had a relatively easy pregnancy whilst she had an awful one compared to her first child and we helped each other through it, they live 2 hours away from us but weekly chats and monthly visits certainly helped. I don't think your SIL will follow you round, does she have any friends in the area or is she completely new. there will be more than one set of ante-natal classes on at most hospitals so make sure you go to ones you know she won't be at if it's too much. I agree with PP though, don't let this ruin your wonderful time after your miscarriages, enjoy your pregnancy and if she does want to meet up what harm is it doing?