To not let dd wear swimming trunks?

[Speckledpeckle]

Just that really Dd is 5. Embraces all things typically thought of as "boy" strongly rejects anything remotely girly. Now wants to wear swimming trunks when we go swimming.. I embrace all the requests for spiderman shirts, darth Vader outfits etc. Right down to her underpants. However wearing swimming trunks feels a step to far.. I can't really articulate why.. Dh is on the fence doesn't really feel it's appropriate but probably wouldn't be too bothered. I have told her no, she is a girl and they wear swimming costumes! Now feeling like a right mean mummy as she says she no longer wants to go swimming then! Aibu?

It means nothing that she chooses things that are typically associated with boys, just that it is her preference at the moment. It's not a reflection on you or her, or has any longer term impact or meaning. The thing to do is allow her to choose, and make no comment about "boys" or "girls" things.

Check Ebay my DD is the same and i get costumes from there.

OP I'd let her wear the swimming trunks at the age of 5. I was a complete tomboy and did and then as I got older I switched to swim suits - did lots of very competitive swimming when the time came and would definitely not have dreamed of wearing trunks then but I remember hating the feel of a tight swimsuit on my body and being much happier in trunks......no biggy. No one else seemed to care and even if they would have is it really any of their business? It's not like I went around kicking and hitting other kids and swearing at them. I just wore trunks!

I wear trunks swimming over my swimsuit. Covers my big bum

Don't overthink it, she's only little.

I question why women are expected to wear swim wear that is cut the way it is.

I like Manteray because they do matching shorts to fit in with their whole range.

There should be the availability to wear shorts, rather than briefs, which most young girls have to pull out of their bum.

I don't really see what your issue is with her choosing what you consider 'boy' stuff or not wanting to wear dresses.
I never wore a skirt or dress to school past the age I was allowed to choose. Still only wear dresses for weddings or fancy evening events.
I'm not trying to rebel or be a bloke I just don't like them. By 5 I think I already had short hair (still have a pixie cut)
Leave her alone and stop projecting. This whole concept of boys stuff and girls stuff just reinforces stereotypes. I am happy as a woman, what I wear and the stuff I like doesn't actually change that just coz I font fit some girly girl stereotype

You know, I would check with the teacher if she is going with school in case there may be children who would mention it (some children can get very hung up on girls and boys wearing the "right"thing!).

My daughters have a shorts and rash top from decathlon, one pink but the other one is green and blue. We got them for a bit more coverage from the sun on the beach but something like that could work?

Oh OP. Get her the trunks.

She's 5. It likely means nothing other than that she loves Spider-Man and doesn't want to wear a swimming costume.

And - on the slim chance that it does mean something more - you cross that bridge as and when. Try not to overthink this.

Sounds just like my dd - I'd roll with it tbh. How on earth does she cope with long hair? Mine pestered to have hers cut as soon as she could -she's had s short bob since she was 4.

I would go with rash vest rather than just trunks as it will be more consistent when 'buds' do start to develop (which happened with girls in our family at age 9). I put dd & ds in these or sun suits on hols to give extra protection from the sun on nice days or keep a bit warmer in cold pools.

That's a good idea tanaqui as then the teacher can be prepared to explain to those children that it doesn't matter, and children can wear whichever swimming outfit they prefer.

I know a lot of this is due to my own perception of things. It makes me sad to see dd reject "girl" stuff.. I don't know why but it does. I want her to fit in, I don't want her to be teased. She hardly has any friends. Desperate to play with the boys but they don't want to know. The girls all come out of school on a Friday hugging and holding hands and going to each other's houses, dd comes out alone. Goes home alone. It just seems to cause more issues than it's worth. I want to do what's best for her but I don't really know what that is. She has told me at school that lots of kids ask why she wears "boy" shoes or why she has spiderman on her lunchbox. It makes her different. And that makes her vulnerable. I'm just worried she's isolating herself further I suppose.. Doesn't want to be with the girls but doesn't fit in with the boys.

Sorry I seem to have massively derailed from swimming trunks!

If it bothers you, Next have some great 2 piece "sun safe" sets.

You are over-thinking this. Feeling more comfortable in boys' clothing doesn't mean anything about how she sees herself and certainly not about how she sees women in general. I also feel far happier in jeans etc, but I am happy being a woman in all other respects.

In any case, shat she insists on now says nothing about what she is going to want in 10 years time. My dd was absolutely obsessed with pinks and purples, never wears them now.

And even if she does grow up the butchest of lesbians, that will just be her being her, not a rejection of you.

Time'll come soon enough when she'll feel she has to wear a costume, let her have the trunks while she's little.

I'm always amzed by these thread about 4 yo that will not wear x or y (whatever that might be).

Seriously at that age, my dcs had NO say to what they were wearing. They didn't even with me in a shop (and most if it was done online anyway). They've had hands me down too (so clearly no choice in the matter either).

I don't have an issue with a girl wearing 'boys' stuff (or the other way around, my son has been known to prefer some 'girly' colour too).
I do find giving so much choice to children that young not always the most productive idea.

Ffs, top half cover up?! Really?!

She is 5. I was EXACTLY the same as a kid. I used to cry myself to sleep as I wanted to be a boy so badly. I had a shaved head, I had trunks which were the coolest thing EVER, wore shorts to school, and was assumed to be a boy by the public. I was happy.

Grew out of it by 10 ish mind.

Buy her the swimming shorts. Nobody will care. And if they do, they are an arsehole.

Let her, she's only 5

Thanks just looking at next two piece sun safe ones now.. They have some lovely ones that I could probably get dd to wear happily although I still feel like I'd be cheating her because what would make her happiest would be a pair of spiderman swim shorts

Until I was 12, I refused to wear anything even mildly uncomfortable. Lots of girls swimming costumes are not that comfortable. Most boys and mens clothes are made to be more comfortable than girls or womens. And I still take labels out of pants.

OP, please don't worry about this. Her choices now don't dictate her choices in 6 months/a year/5 years down the line. DD never wore anything other than fancy dress for the first 4 years of her life. The sparklier the better. Today, at age 9, she has on doc marten boots, ripped jeans (rips from playing out, not 'fashion' rips!), a Minecraft T-shirt and big fleece. She would no way be seen in a princess dress any more! Just because you allow the trunks now, doesn't mean that she will never wear a swimming costume. Kids get influences from many places - friends, TV, books, family members, school etc. She may always want to dress this way, but she may not. I would buy the trunks.

Have you been in to talk to her teacher about how she is getting on socially at school?

Because it does sound as if she is having some difficulties, but you might not be right in attaching that to what you see is 'different'. The teacher should have a better grasp of daytime dynamics, and may be able to make suggestion that will help your DD - such as breaking up playground cliques a bit so that one group cannot exclude her all the time.

I'd let her wear trunks, much better she continues enjoying swimming. At some point in school she'll decide she wants a girls' costume. Don't worry about it now, don't turn it into a bigger issue than it needs to be.

I'm always amzed by these thread about 4 yo that will not wear x or y (whatever that might be).

I'm always amazed that people don't realise all children are different in this respect.

DS1 and 2 couldn't have cared less about what they wore. They wore anything.
DD had very strong views and if she didn't like something, she wouldn't wear it. It would have been a waste of money to buy the things I wanted her to wear.