To not eat at a restaurant

[YouCouldBreakMe]

I am starting a meal replacement diet as of Friday but I have a few social occasions lined up. I really have two AIBUs:

1. WIBU to politely decline to eat but drink mineral water and just join in the chat?

1. AIBU to expect friends to support me and not keep telling me I could have this or try that and lecture me about it not being healthy and eat fruit?

Thanks :)

I would feel awkward just sat there with a mineral water whilst everyone else tucked in and would suggest other, non-eating activities with friends to catch up, meet at a cafe or park, for example. Or meet up for a walk. Just me, but personally I'd feel uncomfortable in a restaurant with just water.

I don't think there is a definitive answer to whether it's reasonable to do this and whether you should expect support.
If you are a long standing group where people know each other and their personal lives very well then there is a strong chance they would like you to be there for the social aspect.
But I think it would also link to your history - if you have been 'dieting' for years and keep trying the different 'name' diets but falling off the band wagon then I suspect there would be some eye rolling or comments that it's another fad and possibly attention seeking. If it's the first time this has cropped up then this doesn't sound like a good first diet to try and do and I suspect people would want to support you that the more sustainable way to lose weight is a healthy relationship with food and exercise not a meal replacement diet. So yes you can probably expect support but you can't define the former of that support - you may find that their support is a different way of tackling your food/diet/weight issues.
From a personal point of view I wouldn't bring in my diet to a group dynamic like a book club - there will be comments either to your face or not that could be damaging to your final goal so I wouldn't put myself in that position. I would choose 1 meal a week at that restaurant that is reasonable or I would decline the meal rather than just sit there with a drink.

Does anyone actually keep the weight off with these things?

Doesn't sound like it!

Walter I'll be honest and say it didn't work for me. I managed it for 3 months and the weight does come off really quickly, so you'd think I'd keep that going but 6 months later and I'm bigger than when I started! But that's through my own bingeing. I felt I needed to get away from food for a while and not make any meal decisions but in the end it was too restrictive and backfired. All the people I know who have done meal replacement have lost tons of weight and they're all big again. The hard thing about being a binger is that it's always going to be a part of who we are. Even if it doesn't work for OP, sometimes we need to try it for ourselves... But hopefully it will work for her!

Walter - it worked for my MIL to a degree. She dropped to an 8/10 from a 14/16. She did the maintenance diet, then gradually transitioned to a normal, balanced diet away from the diet guidelines. 5yrs on she's now a 10/12 - so not as thin as she was (which looked too thin for her), but managing to keep a shape and size that she's happy with. She wanted to lose weight in a hurry for a reason and it did change how she thought about food. Personally I do agree there are healthier ways though

It worked for me too - I lost stones and kept them off for a few years. I've put 2 back on, through having a decent relationship and a baby, but it's entirely due to the fact that DP and I are a bad influence on each other when it comes to things like takeaways and cakes. Before I met him, it stayed off no problem at all! I would do it again if I weren't currently bf'ing.

Plus I am still a good 3 stone less than when I started!

kali

It does not matter what we think of her approach, that is a matter for her and her HCP.

And besides she did not ask for opinions on that she only asked if she should go to socialise at the meal or not.

She also said nothing about long term use or anything else.

Other people being uncomfortable about people not eating unless they are drawing huge amounts of attention to themselves or passing comments on what other people eat or being dramatic about it, is a matter for them to deal with not the perfectly reasonable person who is trying to be healthy

My brother does ketogenic diets - on food, rather than packaged stuff, but the same physical effect. While he's dieting, his breath stinks Might be an idea to take precautions if you're going out with friends!

I would go to the restaurant if I wasn't going to eat anything.
Why not go for the meal make a healthy choice and have it with a glass of sparkling mineral water instead of wine? You can't live on the shakes forever so need to be able to make healthy choices when you go out.

I wouldn't go not would

Wanting to take food out of the picture completely is completely unsustainable for any length of time, but that's a separate issue. Wanting to do this while going to a restaurant once a week is absolutely ridiculous.

I would go, buy a salad (emphasise with no dressing, lashings of cheese etc) and push it around the plate/eat a tiny amount. I wouldn't want to make those I'm with feel uncomfortable.

1. Don't do it! Could you at least order the cheapest thing on the menu and subtly palm it off on those around you?
2. People are weird about other peoples eating. I wouldn't even bring it up unless asked.

If I was just meeting one friend in a restaurant and they're not eating, I'd feel massively uncomfortable. But as a group? Wouldn't care a less!

Quite often I've been in a restaurant and a friend has text asking where I (or one of the others are) we'd say where and they'd come and join, order drinks as they've eaten and noone would bat an eyelid or talk behind their back!

Absurd that people think it's an issue. Real friends wouldn't judge.

Lot of bollocks being spouted on this thread! :)

VLCD (800kcal / day) do work for some people. I lost over 3 stone when I did one and have kept the weight off so far (well over a year currently). Taking food out of the picture completely is totally and easily sustainable for the 3 months you are on just the bars and shakes, if you have that kind of mindset.

OP - as the person on the meal replacement diet, I went to lots of social occasions where food was involved. I ordered green teas and sparkling mineral water and happily mattered away while my friends ate. No awkwardness, no misery, no undue attention of "oh look at me I'm not eating" - just a good catchup and chat.

Go out, enjoy your life and teach your psyche (somehow) that food is a completely unimportant part of the whole equation where the main purpose is to socialise. Good luck with the weight loss :)

I did Lighter Life years ago, so completely understand your question. In my case, I didn't make a fuss, quietly explained to the restaurant staff I wasn't going to be eating , but would be ordering drinks and would tip appropriately and just got on with it. If you start asking your friends if they mind, it becomes a big issue, if you don't even mention it, most won't notice you aren't eating, those that do I just said I was on a restricted diet and moved the subject on. I found the less of an issue you make it, the less fuss it causes - definitely don't stop socialising!
If you would feel more comfortable, order a salad and push it round your p,ate without eating - nobody will notice.

I know you haven't asked this, but as an aside from someone who has been there and done it, I would never do the meal replacement diets again - Slimming World all the way as on Lighter Life I put the weight straight back on.

Good luck

I find it weird, I would rather a friend reschedueled for when they were eating!

FeralBeryl i was discreet, it was when they came to collect the plates that they saw it

needs i've already said i think sibu, and she said up thread she plans to do it till she reaches her target weight, not the 12 week starting period, so people are going to comment on it.
I don't think these diets are bad at all, just not cutting food out all together until goal is achieved.
It can be dangerous.

walter i do think they can work.
I use slimfast. I don't follow their diet plans but i have a shake for lunch most lunch times ( unless im sick) and then have a relatively low fat dinner. I've certainly lost weight, would lose more if i could exercise ( or get out of bed more than one or two days a week but still can't be upset by it!). Probably helps that i have always loved their shakes so i don't ser it as a diet!

This is what I came on to say (what HicDraconis said).

It worked for me and people do not fell "uncomfortable" that you're not eating! Good luck with the diet.

I lost 4 stone on a VLCD and as long as you work up through the maintenance plan you can retrain how to eat healthily and maintain afterwards.

I'd imagine the restaurant wouldn't be too amused at a customer wh turned up week after week and sat in front of a glass of water. It's not just a question of whether your companions "mind".

1 Not eating in a restaurant is not fair on the restaurant. They are a business. They provide space/heat/loos whatever in return for the profit they make on the food.
1a Friends would feel uncomfortable. It is v difficult to have a conversation with someone if you are eating and they are watching you. Anyone slightly worried about their weight will feel that you are sanctimoniously judging them.

Eating manufactured crap instead of food is incredibly bad for you - but you must know that.

Go, have a salad and a piece of grilled fish/chicken and enjoy it. So much better for you.

It is of course up to you what and how you eat. No-one minds. It is the social side of it that is tricky.

Your food intake is not something to be discussed with anyone unless you choose to do so. ( If you don't go out "to eat" and "not eat" - who is to know what you are or are not eating. This makes a "thing" of it which won't help you in the long run. )

I'd go home after the book club and begin to re-think a social life that centred around places to eat. Meet a couple of friends for a walk on Saturday morning instead.

Is this an actual thing? What do you eat that could take the place of a balanced healthy meal? How long are you going to be doing it for? My mind is boggling!

But no, I really don't think you can go to a restaurant and just drink water. It will make your friends feel uncomfortable and piss the restaurant off. Restaurants and cafes are for the ordering, eating and paying for of food.

Well I can assure you I did not make it up.