To not eat at a restaurant

[YouCouldBreakMe]

I am starting a meal replacement diet as of Friday but I have a few social occasions lined up. I really have two AIBUs:

1. WIBU to politely decline to eat but drink mineral water and just join in the chat?

1. AIBU to expect friends to support me and not keep telling me I could have this or try that and lecture me about it not being healthy and eat fruit?

Thanks :)

Yabu for doing a meal replacement diet in the first place. Stay at home with your faddy diet and don't make your friends uncomfortable. Or go and eat a salad.

Thank you for your answer Walter

For the 'concerned' posters.
VCLDs are usually done for a maximum of a 12 week period. Packs contain the full RDAs of all vits, minerals etc.
They work by putting your body in to a state of ketosis, completely safe if done properly, and actually medically recommended for those with a large amount of weight to lose. Ketogenic diets are also proving successful at controlling certain neurological conditions.
They come with a refeeding schedule to ease your body back in to a normal way of eating.
They can often be used as a period of education about healthy eating for post plan, by completely removing all choices temporarily, you get to reassess your reasons for picking crap up in the first place.
They can also be a good kick start for those people with a mountainous amount of weight to lose before transferring to something a little more sustainable and sociable.
Ideal? Of course not. We'd all eat beautifully within our recommendations.
Safe? Yes.
Understandable to many? No
They aren't for everyone, but let's not judge too much....

To the people being judgy about the concept, even doctors are suggesting these to obese patients. They're supervised of course but at my surgery 800 cals on one of these or general food (!) diet, is a suggestion for obese patients. You don't go back to eating as you did afterwards, obviously!

Please don't go out to a restaurant and only drink water. I am just back from staying with someone who was on such a diet. On our first evening, we went out to a restaurant and it was a bloody miserable affair. Actually staying there was a miserable affair. It felt like she resented and was staring at all our food, we felt very uncomfortable eating meals in the house. And the fact that she disappeared off to bed at 9.30pm every evening so she wouldn't be tempted to nibble leaving us alone didn't help. I was very relieved to come home!

It wouldn't worry me at all, particularly as it's people you know well and clearly you have a lot to talk about with. I can imagine being annoyed if I'd gone out of my way to book a table at a really special restaurant and then one of the guests unexpectedly refused to eat anything, but this is clearly a completely different situation.

I wouldn't have thought the restaurant would mind either, though I suppose if it is going to be for several weeks you could check with them if you should pay a cover charge or something.

Looki, sounds like you're really supportive of your friend's effort there. Trust me, she's not doing it for fun and there is no good time!

Lorelei she wanted to lose ten pounds before going on a sun holiday . it wasn't for any sort of medical/obesity condition. And if I had known that she'd sit without eating and then disappear with the children to bed every night, I wouldn't have wasted our time off by staying with her. It was very rude and made us very uncomfortable.

Looki,that's a bit different but it doesn't apply to the OP.

Fucking hell. An entire thread full of shit like "you have such an unhealthy relationship with food" all becuase the op wants to take control of her weight.

You have to eat because not doing so makes other people uncomfortable.

Yet not one person has asked why she is using this diet as opposed to others,how much weight she has to lose or pretty much anything else that is sensible.

The diet she's on is one used when people have a fuck load of weight to lose so chances are she's obese or morbidly obese especially given the length of time she intends to be on it.

Op go to your meal drink your water and tell your friends that you are taking back control of your health and weight because it is essential that you do, if needed tell them you would like their support and what would be useful is encouragement to keep to the steps required to take control, if they are friends they will be pleased for you.

Well done, breaking bad eating habits is hard and as you can see from this thread weird attitudes towards food are pretty common.

Sometimes restaurants have a minimum spend per cover.

This thread has reminded me that one of the guests at DH's 30th meal didn't eat. Food was pre-ordered so I knew in advance she wasn't eating and had double checked I wasn't wrong.

Her reasons were financial, which I have no issue with of course, and even though I am the biggest over-thinker and worrier EVER and I ended up sat next to her, I didn't find it awkward. I just figured it was what she had decided* and we still had a good chat, there were no weird silences while I ate and she didn't.

So IMO YANBU. I imagine you are all very chatty as a group as you meet every week and it'd be shame to miss out on that. Just explain what you're up to and then carry on chatting as you normally would. Most people won't care.

• I say decided as she told me she'd just bought £££ of photography equipment so its fair to say that's the way she'd chosen to spend her cash.

earwig earwig

My sister is doing Cambridge and she would eat out in those circumstances. She would choose something as low in carbs and sugar as possible, so steak or chicken and salad, no chips, pasta or rice etc.

So I would say that YABU to not eat at all. Yes your friends should support you but be prepared for the fact that many wont, especially the ones who feel that they could do with losing weight themselves, DSis has a big problem with a couple of people she works with putting down her efforts. They are the ones who are always talking about starting a new diet and then within a few weeks are off it again.

I've skipped two-thirds of the thread but I do think YABU. If going to a shared activity, it's polite & considerate to do the activity. If you wanted to - say, hang out at a spinning class while all your mates were getting sweaty on the bikes, you would be weird and they wouldn't know what to do about you.

Not the best example, sorry, but a "shared activity" is what going out for a meal is.

needs maybe people are saying it's unhealthy bevause op is only having replacement shakes and bars , no food at all.
My friend and her mother lost some weight on the cambridge diet, it made them really sick and put it straight back on but still.
I don't think long term it's mAintainable just having shakes and bars.
Meal replacements can be good, not if you're purely having those and for a long time.
What about their soups i thought that was part of it?
I thought you were only supposed to do it for a short period and then start introducing normal ( low calorie ) food back in?
Low cal diets are great just no like this.
On plus side my friend is losing weight again with me on a lowcal diet however it involves an low cal\fat evening meal (and me sometimes a lunch!!)

I never met her for lunch/dinner when she was on the last diet though.
It is really awkward sitting eating with someone who isn't.
I always felt really awkward.
I know when ive been out with people and been in sudden bad pain and unable to eat, that it's made them feel awkward.
I think it's a bit cheeky too if you're only having water.
Is it a busy place? Yes they have money for your booking, but they may lose out with a person not eating, they could have seated your party at a smaller table.

Too the person who only had water and sprinkled stuff into it, did the restaurant say anything?
I once had water and found some squash in my bag so put some in and you'd think i'd told them their food sucked

Have to say though on few occasions she did come for food even when she was on the dreaded plan ( ie my birthday, dp birthday).

1. WIBU to politely decline to eat but drink mineral water and just join in the chat?

YANBU but you may need to remind people it's your choice as your not eating may make them feel guilty tucking into yummy food in front of you. I once went to a meal and didn't eat as I was saving money. It was miserable. But it's not unreasonable to do it.

1. AIBU to expect friends to support me and not keep telling me I could have this or try that and lecture me about it not being healthy and eat fruit?

YANBU to expect friends to support you BUT meal replacement type things are not, in most people's opinion, very healthy and if you friends care about you they may well want to point this out to you. In your shoes I would decide your strategy and stick to it... this could be...

Please respect my choice
Or
If people tell you it's not healthy or suggest an alternative ask them to send you the links by email and you will look later (which you can choose to do or not to do as you like)

lastly, doesn't even a meal replacement system allow you to have one meal a day, and could that not be a healthy dressing free salad, filling baked potato or fish dish etc?

Good luck.

I work in retail. Very small shop, there's only 4 members of staff (all female) in total and that's including me. On the staff night out, one of the girls didn't have anything to eat at the restaurant. No idea why. I didn't ask. Honestly, it ruined the entire meal for everyone else. It was so awkward having someone watch you eat while they sip on a drink. Made me feel very uncomfortable and the other two members of staff commented on it the next time I worked with them. The restaurant staff didn't seem happy about it either. Based on that I'd say don't go or go and eat a very small salad.

On a side note, I'm not convinced meal replacement diets are any good if you're looking to keep the weight off long-term. I can't believe it's not unhealth either.

My friend and her mother lost some weight on the cambridge diet, it made them really sick and put it straight back on but still

My SIL did the same with Lighter Life. Lost about 6 stone within a quite short period and put it all back on and more. Also ended up in hospital with a heart condition of some description.

Food is such a normal part of everyday life, by simply staying alive and then being sociable etc. Instead of putting the effort into avoiding all it together for the period of the diet, it would be much better to put that effort into normalising the relationship with food.

But then companies like Cambridge and Lighter life wouldn't make money by selling the meal replacement bars and shakes.

I really can't see the problem with just asking your friends outright.

"I'm doing the Cambridge diet right now so won't be eating in the restaurant but would like to come for a drink. Is that ok?"

Surely most people have heard of the Cambridge diet so have an idea what it involves??

Surely most people have heard of the Cambridge diet so have an idea what it involves??

I think you are conflating "things I know" with "things most people know".

I've heard of it, but only because I spend a lot of time on the internet (and so I wouldn't expect my friends who don't spend so much time on the internet to have heard of it), and I didn't know that it required "no actual food". Now that I do know it requires no actual food I think it sounds bonkers and probably bad for you.

I did this a few years ago. For the first month I didn't go out anywhere that involved eating. After that, everyone knew - as the weight loss is v dramatic - and I simply took my soup with me and asked for boiling water. It wasn't a big deal for me as it was only a 3 month thing and none of my friends minded that it was so temporary. Plus they could see how happy I was with the weight loss.

If you are an all or nothing personality, it is much easier doing that or just having water than it is to order the salad and grilled salmon over the fish and chips, IYSWIM.

You can't just have something light if you're doing a proper VLCD; unless you have a tiny piece of chicken or something, you can boot yourself out of keto and it takes a few days to get back. Plus it can be that psychological tip over the edge.

So I would say: if you know them well, tell them and do what you need to do. It's so short term that they shouldn't hold it against you. If you don't know them that well, easier not to go at first as you get used to it. Good luck!

I've posted earlier explaining what total replacement entails for those who don't know. It is only for 12 week blocks.
People should have undergone a comprehensive medical assessment prior to connecting a plan.
Health risks from morbid obesity far outweigh those of being on this type of low calorie diet.

Kali I was very discreet in my sprinklage 👀 So it just looked like blackcurrant and soda

I'm going to an alcohol festival soon with a group of friends. I am pg and am teetotal anyway. I am going to see my friends and catch up. My friends do not care if I'm drinking the alcohol or not.

I would buy a salad or something equivalent (Not expensive, a started size maybe) and move the food around my plate and not eat it.

That way, at least, you are there, you aren't rude to the restaurant or the people around you. If someone questions it, you can say you aren't hungry at all at the moment but don't know why (or that with the new diet you are doing, you FINALLY aren't feeling hungry all the time, whatever works best).