Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not eat at a restaurant

204 replies

YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:07

I am starting a meal replacement diet as of Friday but I have a few social occasions lined up. I really have two AIBUs:

  1. WIBU to politely decline to eat but drink mineral water and just join in the chat?
  1. AIBU to expect friends to support me and not keep telling me I could have this or try that and lecture me about it not being healthy and eat fruit?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Mumandmummer · 30/03/2016 22:52

It seems like you've already made your mind up. I would feel uncomfortable with someone sat there watching me eat my meal while they drank water, but I probably have my own issues. I go out to eat with friends to eat and enjoy the whole experience. Someone sat there with water would make me feel conscious of what I'd chosen etc etc. I wouldn't go in your situation.

ENormaSnob · 30/03/2016 22:52

I really dont think you should go.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:53

I'm not ignoring people at all Lying Shock

Why are you being so horrible to me? i am listening to you and engaging and explaining no I can't just have a salad.

I'm a bit surprised admittedly people would prefer me not to turn up at all than turn up and not eat but I'll run with the consensus but I did not expect such personal remarks so you're right about that I guess.

OP posts:
RedSoloCup · 30/03/2016 22:53

Well, you could state medical reasons 'special diet from doc' or you could find out what time they are eating and arrive just as they are finishing? I work in a restaurant and it's not at all uncommon for one person at a table to not be eating at all tbh, I never question why just check I have the right amount of meals to put through and if they say 'oh I'm not eating' not an issue!

lorelei9here · 30/03/2016 22:53

OP please don't feel bad
Some people are obsessed with what others eat and drink
I'm losing weight, I don't do booze and my friends still love me! It's all good.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:54

It's Cambridge sorry, missed that.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:55

And yes it's a big group I definitely wouldn't do so in a small group as I understand that could be uncomfortable

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 30/03/2016 22:58

Problem is - when everyone is actually eating and not talking, what are you going to do? There's no way conversation doesn't slow down massively once people are eating, and even then a lot of the convo moves on to the food. You'll have nothing to say and be staring at what others are eating or in to space, and that's what makes people uncomfortable.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/03/2016 22:58

I don't think I made a personal remark about you YouCould but about your dogged determination to do what you want regardless. You're entitled to do that of course but you did ask AIBU...?

I'm not new to the dieting game, I've been surrounded by easy going and fanatics and sometimes they're the same people just on a different diet.

I'm sorry if you think I'm being horrible to you, I didn't intentionally do that and I wish you well.

lorelei9here · 30/03/2016 22:59

OP if you decide you can't face telling the truth you could claim sudden indigestion

I wouldn't mind in a small group either. Really can't see what fuss is about.

Moanranger · 30/03/2016 23:00

I did a meal replacement diet for five months & went out occasionally. Contrary to what posters say, most people don't even notice. If need be, explain what you are doing - most will be supportive, the odd twat will " food push". Good luck - they are really effective but you have to be strict!

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:00

No Lying I haven't got a dogged determination at all, I asked and as I said above I have accepted the majority I do think some remarks were very 'over the top' and a little upsetting but I suppose posting on AIBU is a fight club regardless of that old tag being removed.

OP posts:
lorelei9here · 30/03/2016 23:01

Milk, really? Never notice a problem if not everyone is having starter or dessert. Talking still flows when people eat.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:02

Very true.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:04

And can I just point out I definitely don't want people looking so I can say ooh look I'm on a diet. It's really embarrassing. However there's a social occasion I partake in and after the occasion we generally have a meal in a local restaurant. Now yes I could just do the hobby and go straight home but I like my friends so it's nice to catch up. I honestly did not think the topic would elicit such strong responses.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 30/03/2016 23:06

Last time I had friends round there was one doing Slimming World, one gone vegan and one gone low-carb and teetotal.

I was the only one eating and drinking normally- and that's only because I now do intermittent fasting on weekdays.

Fucks given by anyone? Zero.

Jollielolly · 30/03/2016 23:06

OP, the reason you're defensive is that you've asked if you're BU, you've received a resounding yes, when you clearly don't think you're BU. In the nicest possible way, why bother asking if you've already decided the answer for yourself?

As others have said, ask your friends how they'll feel about it. If they don't mind then go and enjoy yourself.

ImNotThatGirl · 30/03/2016 23:07

Whatever you decide, please don't pretend you have a medical condition. It's not fun for those who actually do have a medical condition and would love to do something normal like eat a bowl of pasta with their friends.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 30/03/2016 23:07

I have noticed. It doesn't stop, but it definitely slows. I've been the person not eating. It is very difficult not to watch what others are eating, the alternative is staring in to space, you can't keep talking to people who are also trying to eat as they can't answer with their mouths full! Even in a large group, sat round a table you're restricted in who you can talk to without shouting down the table.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:09

Jollie you're wrong actually I'm defensive about being told I'm attention seeking awkward and make everyone feel awful Confused and it's so rude to tell me what I'm thinking and I won't lie that's really annoyed me.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 30/03/2016 23:09

I really don't think you should go to a meal out and drink mineral water while everyone else eats. It is just so awkward. It will make them reluctant to invite you in future as it's such a dampener on the occasion.

I think the previous poster's idea of ordering something like a salad is the way to go and then just eat some of it if you don't want to eat all of it. That will have negligible calories and won't affect your plan. Actually it will probably have less calories than the meal replacement stuff.

You can socialise with your friends without going out for meals, but going out for meals does involve, you know, that eating thing.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/03/2016 23:11

saucy everyone would have been eating something though. OP is talking about eating nothing.

The thing is, it's not really relevant what anyone here would be comfortable with. It's whether your friends would be ok with it.

Personally, I would think it was weird and awkward. If I'm spending money to go out and enjoy myself I don't want any awkward social issues surrounding it, IYSWIM.

That said, I would suggest a coffee/drink in the pub instead so everyone could be included and catered to.

I don't think it's attention seeking but I do think it has potential to make people uncomfortable and you've no right to do that to your friends (in the nicest possible way).

These diets are very extreme so I think committing to one requires changes and sacrifices and this might be one of them. Presumably this is a short term thing?

As an aside, I think you're feeling defensive has made you a little snippy in some responses, possibly understandably, and maybe oversensitive to what posters are actually saying?

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:12

Not really it's very annoying when people say 'you have decided to do X' as if it's an established fact when you've said nothing of the sort, then use it as a reason to have a go at you. Obviously I apologise if I'm snippy I'm in a lot of pain.

OP posts:
puglife15 · 30/03/2016 23:13

I guess the problem is what if others going to the meal were doing a similar diet or had another reason for not wanting to eat? You could end up with a whole table of people sipping tap water. For that reason alone I think you need to mention it in advance and ask the person organising it if it's OK too.

claraschu · 30/03/2016 23:13

I have no idea why people care what other people are eating. I think it is rude to comment on anyone else's food (or lack of it), and I would have no trouble talking to someone who wasn't eating while sitting at a restaurant. I don't think my friends would be the slightest bit bothered either.

Swipe left for the next trending thread