To not eat at a restaurant

[YouCouldBreakMe]

I am starting a meal replacement diet as of Friday but I have a few social occasions lined up. I really have two AIBUs:

1. WIBU to politely decline to eat but drink mineral water and just join in the chat?

1. AIBU to expect friends to support me and not keep telling me I could have this or try that and lecture me about it not being healthy and eat fruit?

Thanks :)

good god there's some projecting going on.

OP, they are your friends. go to the restaurant. drink water, have fun. it's fine. honestly. the Socialising Police will not need to be involved.

OP, I think there's a lot of resentment towards you that's masked as concern about other guests.

Which is, of course, utter bullshit, because what you choose to do with your own body has absolutely no impact here unless the other guests choose to get their knickers in a twist about it.

I'm also annoyed by your post - because you're choosing a diet that ignores food, when it is plainly clear as day that we actually need to develop a healthy relationship with food (not bars or shakes) in order to exist with any degree of normality on this planet.

But - here's the thing: that's my issue, not yours. You can do what the hell you like. And so you should. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Let them contend with their three-course meals, and you contend with your soda water. Sorted.

Yes it is your issue isn't it

It wouldn't bother me if one of the group didn't eat.
If you don't want to explain yourself, tell them you're having a fasting blood test early the following morning.

OP - I'm on your side here. Yes, any annoyance is my issue. I'm pointing out that any annoyance you're getting from others is also their issue. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

I've no problem explaining in some ways it might be ruder to just go home after book club as am one of the organisers, it's difficult knowing what to do for the best.

Can I ask why you don't just explain it to your friends?

Say you need to do this diet at this time and suggest going for a drink instead of dinner? Even just this once, and that way if you turn down future invitations they'll at least know why.

Milk, I'm usually the one not eating more than one course and I can't say I've noticed anything awkward.

I'm with Saucy Jack (and wondering if she's a mate of mine from the set up described).

Sorry you're in pain OP.

I know gate but I still feel like I was being scolded like a naughty child. You could have posted your post without that third paragraph. Best hide the thread methinks.

That's rider though, making everyone change what we normally do because of me. I've no problem explaining it to friends, thanks for advice.

*ruder

Cross posting...if one of the events is book club I wonder if you'd be wise to go home for yourself? I mean, it's one thing to be in the presence of forbidden fruit because it's a mates birthday and another for a regular meet up?

(Now I have Armand van Helden AND Paul van Dyk songs in my head)

Can I ask the YABU's a question, I'm genuinely interested, if a friend couldn't eat for a medical reason, ie fasting bloods, chemo associated nausea etc, would you not want them to come out?
Really not trying to inflame the situation, I'd really like to know what you think, and why it would 'feel' different iyswim?

I think the very restrictive stage is only for a maximum of a couple of months, maybe you're much more social than me but that's not a particularly long time to avoid meals out or plan them in informal settings where people can choose to eat or not (eg cafe or pub food).

The thing is lorelei we have a book club every week and after discussing the book go to the same restaurant. I'm one of two organisers of the book club so either I go home (rude) insist we have a drink not food (making everyone pander to me - rude?) or sit in a restaurant and not eat (impossibly rude apparently!)

Feral I wouldn't want them to come out to a meal. There's plenty of other things you can do.

But going out to eat when you don't eat is just weird, isn't it?

You go out to dinner every single week after book club?

I don't think it's rude to say that you're on this diet and therefore you won't be joining them in the restaurant afterwards for the next x amount of weeks.

How long is it for?

lorelei- I've never been out with a group of people where everyone has had a starter or dessert. It's not out of the ordinary to only have a main course, but it is out of the ordinary to skip that as well. I do know people who ask for a starter as their main course, but as they're eating something it's more socially acceptable.

At the end of the day OP can do as she likes, but has to accept that it will raise eyebrows.

That wasn't my intention, OP. My shortness was actually directed at the judginess you were getting.

What, the diet? Until I reach target

I don't think mentioning it in advance would get an honest answer. If I was organising a dinner out and one person said they wouldn't be eating but would it be ok to still come, I'd say, 'oh of course come, it won't be weird, we'll just love seeing you.' But I'd be lying. In reality I'd be wishing you'd had the decency to not put me on the spot, along with the cop on to know that of course it would be weird. So weird, I'd be seriously considering not bothering to go myself as if I'm spending money on a restaurant I want to let my hair down and enjoy the experience. I wouldn't enjoy it with someone who wasn't eating at all. I'd feel too guilty to properly savour my food if it was good. Weirded out by someone I cared about doing something so unhealthy and in all likelihood futile in front of me. And actually quite mortified for us all in front of the serving staff.

So sorry but yes, I think yabu. Very, very much so.

Ah, I see what you mean. Third paragraph, not fourth. If you were feeling scolded, that wasn't my intention either, but I do feel strongly about foregoing food to lose weight.

So you don't eat at all until you're at target???

What is this diet?!

Cambridge, I did say that I think.

In a lot of pain......physical pain?