Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not eat at a restaurant

204 replies

YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:07

I am starting a meal replacement diet as of Friday but I have a few social occasions lined up. I really have two AIBUs:

  1. WIBU to politely decline to eat but drink mineral water and just join in the chat?
  1. AIBU to expect friends to support me and not keep telling me I could have this or try that and lecture me about it not being healthy and eat fruit?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:30

Er yes ...

OP posts:
lorelei9here · 30/03/2016 23:30

OP with book club in particular, it's regular and you're an organiser so they shouldn't mind whatever you decide. Honestly the YABUs here are havinf their own issues, some of them have said as much.

Btw we have a nice weight loss thread if you want to chat, we've even got Cabin Pressure jokes., bear with and I'll link it...

BitchyComment · 30/03/2016 23:31

  1. YANBU
    I wouldn't care at all if someone else didn't eat as long as it wasn't a problem for the restaurant.

  2. YANBU

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:31

Ooh thanks Lorelei :)

OP posts:
SpringerS · 30/03/2016 23:32

Could you all not go to a cafe after the book club rather than a restaurant? If you were at a cafe and some people had a sandwich, some people had coffee with or without cake and someone just had a few glasses of water, I think that wouldn't be so noticeable. It's during the formality of a meal that the not eating would be extremely odd. During the ordering, the starter, the main course, the dessert and maybe even the tea/coffee course, it would be everyone else doing one thing and you standing out like a sore thumb with your glass of water. In a cafe where everyone is doing something a bit different and there is no expectation for you all to do the same thing at the same time, not eating wouldn't be too weird or unexpected.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:33

Generally doesn't finish until 8:30'ish, the restaurant is over the road. Anyway no worries. Thanks.

OP posts:
Jollielolly · 30/03/2016 23:33

Because of the diet?

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:34

No of course not, I haven't even started it yet.

OP posts:
SausagesAndLaughter · 30/03/2016 23:34

If they are decent friends, then they should be courteous enough to leave you to it and there won't be a problem.

The only thing is, will you really be comfortable sitting with a glass of water while everyone else tucks in to their meals? I've been in that situation before (I couldn't afford a meal), and believe me it's incredibly boring and awkward. Still, if you're happy then there's absolutely nothing stopping you.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:35

I'd be fine with it but willing to accept others might not be.

OP posts:
cricketqueen · 30/03/2016 23:36

I wouldn't care if you weren't eating for a couple of weeks but then I would probably start to get concerned. How long are we talking here, weeks or months. Surely it isn't healthy to only have meal replacement for too long.
If it's going to be for an extended period I would suggest explaining it in advance so people don't start worrying about you.

BillBrysonsBeard · 30/03/2016 23:37

I wouldn't go to the meal OP. I've done meal replacement and people are so judgey about it and like to ask lots of questions with disapproving looks. It puts the spotlight on you and you might feel embarrassed. I know the feeling because I always felt I wasn't affecting anyone, I just wanted to slip under the radar and get on with it without it being an issue. But people won't let you! Plus you will probably feel awkward when everyone is tucking in. Just socialise elsewhere at another time and allow yourself to get on with your plan in peace. Good luck!

MaudGonneMad · 30/03/2016 23:38

I think as a one-off it would be fine, but it sounds like you plan to do this for quite a while. The diet sounds a bit unsustainable in the long term IMO.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 23:38

Thank you Bill :)

OP posts:
bettyberry · 30/03/2016 23:43

So you are going on a meal replacement diet with no actual food but then expect to return to a 'normal' diet once you reach the target weight?

you also want to sit in a restaurant and not eat because you will be on the diet?

Firstly. I think your relationship with food is bizarre and unhealthy.

secondly what system are you using? how many shakes and bars per day. If you had 3 shakes and 3 snack bars you could be taking in as little as 900cals a day. Way under the recommended lower limit for dieting.

Rethink the diet. Home made mixed veggie soup will be better than shakes. A min 5 veggie salad will be better than a snack bar. You need to change your eating habits to lose weight not ignore them/cover them with a shake only diet.

As to your original question. Yes, YABU to want to sit in a restaurant whilst others eat. Eating is a social thing and to sit there and not eat is normalising unhealthy food relationship and will make everyone feel awkward. They will feel bad that you are not eating, they wont feel comfortable to eat etc

should people support you? yes, absolutely but your friends also have a place to point out your diet choice is unhealthy because shakes only... its not a good option long term and there are far better dieting options available to you.

angielou123 · 30/03/2016 23:45

I think you should go and just have what you like. If they are your friends they will understand. You shouldn't have to miss out.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 30/03/2016 23:45

I'm using diet now op which is half the price of Cambridge and the shakes and bars are much tastier just means you weigh yourself rather than a consultant. You also use skimmed milk in your shakes. and have an allowance of milk for three a day so I make a cup of tea with one of the bars and it feels like a treat.

80sMum · 30/03/2016 23:46

OP, YANBU.

Now, if you were not eating because you couldn't afford to, that definitely would make me feel uncomfortable about eating in front of you and I would feel obliged to buy you a meal.

But it wouldn't bother me at all if someone in a group I was out with didn't eat anything because of being committed to a particular diet.

kavvLar · 30/03/2016 23:47

DH has to sit in restaurants without eating - allergies. No-one has ever given the smallest of tosses, restaurant included. He has a beer and everyone catches up. Do what you have to do OP.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/03/2016 23:47

As this thread proves; opinions are divided.

None of us know your friends so we can't judge their possible reactions but I wouldn't risk it. Especially not every single week.

No food at all until you reach target sounds really unhealthy and unsustainable!

I would like to suggest, in the nicest possible way, that you not be as rude when discussing it with your friends. I think you've been unnecessarily short with posters here, who are only giving the opinions you asked for.

Seems to me that the only posters being deliberately insulting are the ones very much in the go for it camp. And most of them seem to have the same food issues as you...

Nanny0gg · 30/03/2016 23:49

If it's Lighter Life then you go completely replacement to start with.

After a while you introduce one meal a day (protein/salad/veg)

Then you slowly introduce different food groups back into your diet until you're back to 'normal'.

I know many people don't approve but the OP is an adult and if she feels this is the only thing that will work for her then she should be allowed to get on with it.

When my friend did it, she joined us at the end of the meal for coffee. How close are you to the rest of the group? If not very, then they probably will feel awkward.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 30/03/2016 23:50

Also op you can have coke zero and it won't affect your diet or ketosis as it has no citric acid like diet coke. So, if the restaurant sells it you could have that as a treat.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/03/2016 23:51

Exasperated what are you on?

I have vaguely heard of these things but never knew how restrictive they were. It seems mad!

MajesticWhine · 30/03/2016 23:52

I would not feel uncomfortable if someone did this. If it was me, I would rather have a salad on those occasions but I get that this is not your preference so yes it's fine. I'm surprised so many people think it's an issue.