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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not eat at a restaurant

204 replies

YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:07

I am starting a meal replacement diet as of Friday but I have a few social occasions lined up. I really have two AIBUs:

  1. WIBU to politely decline to eat but drink mineral water and just join in the chat?
  1. AIBU to expect friends to support me and not keep telling me I could have this or try that and lecture me about it not being healthy and eat fruit?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
CaptainMarvelDanvers · 30/03/2016 22:43

This meal replacement thing doesn't seem very sustainable.

It's not very sociable to go to a restaurant and just have mineral water. Could you not ask for a salad with no dressing or meat?

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2016 22:43

Sorry I meant to say, the majority thought she was BU too.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:43

Monkey WHAT bar? Not being rude but if we were going to a bar it wouldn't be a problem would it?

OP posts:
Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:44

I really don't want to break it Captain but thanks.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 30/03/2016 22:44

YANBU. Order lots of black coffee/herbal tea/whatevs so the restaurant gets the rent on your seat.

Assuming neither you nor your friends have massive issues with food, then it really isn't going to be so terrible for them to grasp that you're doing Cambridge (or whatever it is) right now.

Some slightly hysterical responses on here.

bakeoffcake · 30/03/2016 22:44

Going on a liquid only diet may be a very short term solution but please don't do it for weeks. You're whole digestive system will be shot!

A little meal every day will keep your system moving.

TwentyCupsOfTea · 30/03/2016 22:45

Honestly please don't do this diet. Healthy eating and excercise is the only way to go for a healthy body and peaceful mind. I don't care if I sound like an idiot I feel strongly sbout this.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:45

Don't worry about my system!

OP posts:
Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:45

You don't sound like an idiot but with respect that's not why I posted

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/03/2016 22:46

I understood what Monkey said; don't meet them in the restaurant where they will eat their meal - arrange to meet them after they've eaten, in a bar, where you can drink water or whatever.

I hope you're not this awkward with your friends.

Roygrace · 30/03/2016 22:46

Ignore everyone on here. Go to the restaurant. Drink and pay fir mineral water. Enjoy the time with friends. Tip well.

I do Greysheet and well rehearsed in this. Socialise with your friends without eating

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 30/03/2016 22:46

Well I think you need to have a discussion with your friends and ask them if they would like to rearrange meeting up to somewhere that doesn't involve food.

lorelei9here · 30/03/2016 22:47

I think it's fine, I wouldn't mind st all but I have weight struggles
My advice would be arrive later or accept the restaurant may have a minimum charge for you
I hate the way socialising revolves round eating out but in my case it's all post work central London stuff so people have to eat. I sometimes eat something in the office and don't eat,,like if it's a pub in which case it's easier.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2016 22:49

Roygrace what would be the point in the OP starting this thread and then ignoring everyone on here?

Blondie1984 · 30/03/2016 22:50

This sounds like Lighter Life.....

Have you thought about asking your friends if they would mind? Although I experienced this when my sister was on LL and it was really uncomfortable - for us diners and for her - so my gut instinct would be to not go....although I know that will be really sad for you

SmallBee · 30/03/2016 22:50

In this instance I think you'll need to accept that you can either be part of things OR keep to your diet. Almost everyone on the thread agrees YWBU to go to a restaurant and not eat.
Either join them for drinks after or arrange to see them in an environment where food isn't an activity.

Out of interest what is the diet called? Presumably this is a temporary measure and you'll go back to eating food at some point?

LotsOfShoes · 30/03/2016 22:50

Yabu. Restaurants are for eating. Part of the fun is eating together, that's why people go. You'll be awkward and rude.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 30/03/2016 22:50

Yabu. It is a meal out, an occasion, a chance to socialise and break bread. DO NOT go if you are going to sit there behind a glass of mineral water drawing attention to yourself and making it all about you.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/03/2016 22:50

So if your friends are really your friends, they won't say a word about it. What they will do is think (silently): 'this is completely unsustainable and not teaching you the skills you need to navigate this food-focused world'.

Diets like this are a quick fix, and you will lose weight. But once you go back to 'real life' it will go back on again. But that's not the question you asked...

lorelei9here · 30/03/2016 22:50

PS one of my mates was on a sachet timed thing on a 40th recently
None of us thought anything of it
There's no way you can avoid these occasions for the duration of these things and we wanted to see her, we don't care what eats, real friends won't object.

Good luck.

IHaveBrilloHair · 30/03/2016 22:51

I'm just glad I have lovely, understanding friends.
OP, please go, if the restaurant ask, just politely explain you have medical issues that mean you are unable to eat, if your friends go on at you, perhaps question if they are friends, but not at the night out!
I'm going on holiday with a friend soon, I will probably eat very little, but won't make a song and dance of it, and she won't either, because she is my friend.

NeverNic · 30/03/2016 22:51

In that case You Could Break Me - you should go. Just give your friends the heads up before that you're on the diet and would they mind you coming if you didn't eat. I get the point people make about the restaurant not making money, but in a large enough group it'll work itself out. (Though a tapas type place would work well here, because it'll be less obvious).
Personally though, I'd struggle so early in your diet but if you'll have fun and not find it too tough, then go and enjoy yourself.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/03/2016 22:51

Blimey... I can't believe that people really do this? So fixated on their restricted eating plans that they wouldn't think twice about making their friends uncomfortable and blindly refuse to make any allowances for their friends who might want to eat in comfort without the non-eater's eyes on their plates.

Do as you like, OP, it sounds very much as if you just wanted a rallying cry of YANBU... but you ARE. I expect you'll ignore the majority because it's just not want you want to hear now that you're doing something about your weight and nothing and nobody else matters.

I will leave you to it.

Original poster
YouCouldBreakMe · 30/03/2016 22:51

I really don't think I'm being awkward Lying but I have to be honest and say you have made me feel very defensive on this thread, and now you make a personal remark about me. I really don't understand what I've done or said that's so wrong, but an evening out involving a restaurant would not then involve going to a bar. Maybe we are all just awkward though.

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 30/03/2016 22:52
Confused I've been to a restaurant whilst on plan. I had a pint of soda water and sprinkled some water flavouring in and just sipped it. I was with my family who knew about my diet and were fine. They just wanted my company and really weren't that arsed if I ate or not. Are people really concerned with what everyone in a big group eats? I wouldn't have a clue what/if people eat. OP are they the kind of friends that you can speak to first? I agree that the first week or so is an absolute arse. You will feel a lot more confidant in a week or so, and also be in ketosis so you won't be sitting there chewing your fist Grin