To be annoyed that dh's employer seems to think we can magic childcare out of nowhere?

[m0therofdragons]

Dh's hours enable him to take our dc to school and I collect. Dh has been put on a training course so 2 days a month he has to be in our nearest city (2 hours journey in morning traffic) and he has to be there at 9am. I can't go in late and make up the hours as I need to pick up dc. Breakfast club is filled in September so no space for random days. No childminders with spaces as again they get booked up in September. Plus I don't really want my dc to have to have a change in their routine which is why dh and I organised it so we are the ones to take and collect but that aside, what exactly do they expect us to do?

OP said "dtds won't be 5 until end of August" so probably qualifies to ask for unpaid leave, or her DH does.

I know it's sucky but having kids IS very inconvenient. I'm not sure how the training course could be run just to be convenient hours for OP's DH (& presumably almost no one else). So hopefully OP is just having a vent.

But why, unless the issue was talked over and agreed in advance, should OP have to change her work situation to accommodate her H's training?

To the PP who suggested Sitters agency: they are useless for this kind of situation because they won't commit to finding the same sitter even for two consecutive days.

Duck, I've always found them pretty good in that regard. Different experiences I guess.

I suggested sitters as did others

No you possibly won't get the same person but sure all 3 school age children could survive that

Only thing you will have to pay for 3hrs worth so £20/21 per day you use

Contact a nanny agency or look at cm in your area /near school

You could use your annual leave and then use a nanny in holidays tho will be more costly plus means you won't spend time doing fun things with them so better to use a nanny to cover drop off at school

Thousands of pathways juggle childcare and work every day without help from friends or gp. You have been lucky for both you and dh to do childcare between you

Now you need to get some but least you have dates so plenty of time rather then wake up in mornings and find children been sick /spots and can't go to school and you need to take time off

Parents not pathways bloody phone !!

He could refuse but then would stand no chance of promotion

For some (probably irrational) reason this stuck in my gullet.

Women are constantly missing out on promotion and career enhancing opportunities due to caring responsibilities. Promotion would be nice but when you have kids sometimes you just cant do it. It sucks but you cant have it all.

Not sure if its been suggested but stick an ad on gumtree and FB advertising for a baby sitter for those two mornings a fortnight. You'll get someone.

But he can do it; if op takes two hours per month off, either as leave or unpaid.
How onerous can that be? And as to why it has to be op and not her DH - he has been offered training which could lead to promotion and she hasn't.
I'd say exactly the same in reverse if she had.

It really depends how easy it would be for OP to take those 2 hours per month off. Her employer mightnt be able to accomodate it. If its ok with her boss then yes, i think she should. And the vice versa when she has to go on courses.

Just to clarify, my first comment was in the event of it not being possible to get childcare sorted. He would just have to pass on doing the course.

Sitters could potentially offer a different person for every single day OP and her H book. So for example 10 different sitters over the 10 dates needed in 5 months. A challenge in terms of communicating with the various sitters!

Since the school run involves driving there would also be likely car seat issues.

I bloody sitters would take provisional bookings for this kind of care, to be confirmed if they can offer the same or just a few sitters, but at present they don't.

Yes it's not ideal to have lots of different people but it's not the end of the world. They are school age children. Not babies or toddlers

It's a solution to the problem but seems op doesn't want to do it.

Someone said earlier if was the other way around mn would be enraged

my dw has got to do training for work. She normally takes the children to school. Now she can't and I'm at work so can't do it. If she can't find childcare then don't do the course

I would advertise for a babysitter locally. You may find someone who is retired who is happy to do a school run.

OP I hope you are still lurking. Yes it is a pain in the arse when your childcare system gets broken down for the first time. We chose a way of getting our DC to school that entirely depended on my being available, and for DH to do it means he has to take a day off (since his 2h commute would then preclude him going for half a day). It happens. You have at least got planned dates - it's the off school for illness at short notice that trips us up! (Or worse, me being ill. I've driven to school in a migraine-induced haze quite a few times).
I have got the numbers of several local agencies which do short and long term stopgap childcare. I always use holiday clubs so my A/L is there for emergencies. DH doesn't get A/L as he contracts - he can take a day but it's always unpaid so I take the hit as it's better for family finances. We have no family support (all are >100 miles away and elderly) and they don't understand sometimes why we can't just drop everything to go and stay with them. Saying we are saving our leave (aka my leave) for childcare makes them but there's a generation gap and so we just carry on. Is there any way you can ask to work from home on your DH's course dates?
That works for us - I have always got a folder of about a day's non-urgent (but needs doing) work that I can do remotely. Whatever you find as a solution, if you have to speak with your own manager, don't go to them with an 'I've got a problem' query. Go to them with an 'I've got a problem and I have this, this or that solution and was wondering if one of them is acceptable'. It will at least give you a point with which to start negotiating a solution which works for all of you. Good luck.

Is it normal to be able to take annual leave two hours at a time? I've never worked anywhere that would allow that. I've even worked somewhere that only allowed leave in blocks of a full week at a time, not individual days. I know having to take a week at a time is pretty unusual, but reading this thread is making me wonder if it's actually standard practice to be allowed to take it a few hours at a time?

Has anyone suggested you call your local FE college and speak to the Curriculum Leader for the Childcare/Early Years Foundation courses. There may be plenty of students eager to get some work experience and earn a little bit of money to have something like this on their CVs. Local 6th forms are also getting involved in these sorts of courses now.

If your employer can't be flexible on having leave in hours (I've had jobs in the past were it's a day or nothing), can you take the day then in the holidays look at either a holiday club (a local nursery does school holiday club as well), as you mentioned one set of grandparents who live a distance away, if they could visit for a week to cover holiday time.

Another option is to contact a local college that does either nursery nurse training or teacher training and see if there's a student who would like some practical experience either for the actual training days or the holidays. I trained as a nanny in the 1980s and worked for a family one day a week, I could drive at the time so did the morning school run before going to college, which started at 9:30. I also worked for another family in the holiday doing, one week Monday to Friday 8:00 to 18:00 as both parents worked 45 minutes from the family home.

I would suggest having a chat with any mums at your job and see what they have had re flexibility from your employer, sometimes people assume employers will act in a certain way and they are actually more flexible.

Also does your husbands employer have a HR policy or out of pocket expenses for training.

I work for a large national employer and they will cover out of pocket expenses up to £100 per week for training or trips away. People often don't know about these policies either.

Good luck in what ever solution you find,

www.gov.uk/parental-leave/overview
Have you tried Parental Leave? If not, have a look. It might work well for you. Good luck.

Not been mentioned so far, but I wonder if DH's late start is part of his contracted hours, or whether it is his employer being flexible as a good will gesture?

Because if the latter, it's normally understood that there needs to be flexibility on both sides. Or, put another way - DH gets to come in work late for 20 days a months, enabling him to do the school run - with the flip side being that he has to be in early and travel to a training course on the other 2.

Of course if DH is not prepared to be flexible on his side, he may well find the flexibility on the other side being withdrawn and then the family really will have difficulties!!

I was thinking about using parental leave, just looked into it. Unfortunately it has to be taken in week sized chunks. If his course had been 1 month in a chunk it would have been easier, but 2 days a month for 7 months is actually really awkward. I hope you sort it out.

Because if the latter, it's normally understood that there needs to be flexibility on both sides.

Absolutely - my employer has been extremely accommodating with me since we had children, including allowing working from home, flexi-time and compressed hours. For that reason, I feel I have to give a bit extra and accommodate anything outside of 'normal' duties (like meeting clients out-of-hours, going in on the odd weekend, etc.).

Those who are banging on about it being the husband's problem, hold your wheesht. The decisions made between them are none of your concern, and presumably the responsibility of finding resolution falls on both parents' shoulders. It's how family life tends to work.

OP, have you tried Gumtree? You'd be surprised at how many people out there are keen to earn an extra buck.

Indeed Dieu - anyone saying round here that it was a mother's job to reconcile her working hours with childcare would get fried to a crisp!

Joint responsibility, joint problem; theirs and not their employers' to solve.

Is it normal to be able to take annual leave two hours at a time?

It would usually be possible where I work (university staff).

Unfortunately [parental leave] has to be taken in week sized chunks. If his course had been 1 month in a chunk it would have been easier, but 2 days a month for 7 months is actually really awkward.

Ah, but parental leave would let them cover the school holidays, which I suppose is the nub of the problem, that taking 2 hrs/2days each wk for 7 months means 1 less week's cover elsewhere. One of them can take a week unpaid in late July or early August to make up for the week they need in meantime.