To be annoyed that dh's employer seems to think we can magic childcare out of nowhere?

[m0therofdragons]

Dh's hours enable him to take our dc to school and I collect. Dh has been put on a training course so 2 days a month he has to be in our nearest city (2 hours journey in morning traffic) and he has to be there at 9am. I can't go in late and make up the hours as I need to pick up dc. Breakfast club is filled in September so no space for random days. No childminders with spaces as again they get booked up in September. Plus I don't really want my dc to have to have a change in their routine which is why dh and I organised it so we are the ones to take and collect but that aside, what exactly do they expect us to do?

Owlina we are also a 45 min walk from our nearest school, yes of course others live closer, we pass their houses on the way in but a rural village school can have families dotted about all over. If we needed a lift someone would have to drive out to us. It's not odd at all.

I would ask around though, dcs have been driven in by elderly neighbour before, it doesn't just have to be another parent.

I've messaged you, I work for sitters, the babysitting agency, and they can help you in a situation like this. I'm not offering my services or advertising, but they are nationwide and could hopefully be a realistic solution!!

This is one of those threads which has changed course. Ie. It started off with op moaning about dh's employer putting him on a training course, and them picking up the consequences. Ie. Childcare, to people turning it around to offering various options op could use to solve this problem.

There has been very few posts acknowledging how difficult finding childcare can be, which I guess was the op's original intention, but lots of posts giving constructive suggestions.

I was a single parent for years paying extortionate child care costs while she was a baby and then she started school and the real nightmare started. They had 8 weeks of 8.45 to 12.00 at school when they first started. I had to speak to my employer and then worked with another mum where we alternated drop off and pick ups. I was dropping my DD off to her at 7am for breakfast and then getting to work at 8 so I could finish at 11.30 to get back to school to pick up DD and her DS. On the other days she would drop her DS off to me at 7.30 and I'd take them to school and get to work at 9.45 and finish at 6. So we were run ragged for two months with the kids living in each others houses and having dinners and baths wherever they were.

That was the only option. I guess we were lucky we had DC in the same year and lived near each other. But there is always help available from other parents. I've done drop off and pick up for another mum for 18 months because school allocation put her DC in three different schools so she literally couldn't do it all. In return when I was in hospital and then bedridden for weeks and not able to drive for a few months she returned the favour while getting another mum to do the DC at another school.

You just manage. Or give up work.

If it's two days once a month the week it happens in can you work extended hours the other three days? Leave a couple of hours late and then the other two days you can have a bit of flexi time. It's not ideal but if you explain to your boss hopefully they should understand.

I feel your pain. Dh often has to go abroad for a couple of weeks with minimal notice and I work shifts inc nights. It can be a total nightmare.

These threads always turn out weird. I wouldn't fancy handing my small children over to any random stranger who happens to be passing, to take them to school.

I can see why the OP is pissed off - her h is supposed to work certain hours and now his employer is expecting something different. I don't get the impression that they ran it past the h first, just entered his name in for training. In turn the h has somehow made this his wife's problem to solve!

I especially live the comment upthread about how it shouldn't be a problem to find childcare from one of the other mums, given that most of them don't woh . Most sahp are at home to make their own families lives easier, not to provide child care for working parents. I just love the assumption that they have nothing else to do and will willingly step in to bail out other people's childcare issues.
They may or may not help out but it cannot be assumed just because they are home.

I feel for you op as it is tru that many don't understand how difficult it is when you don't have family nearby or good childcare available or flexible employers and make particularly unhelpful comments like "just do X" like it's that easy and simple.

The only option that does seem even possible for you is to ask a couple of parents. Mug will be a logistical nightmare and I think offering to pay would be reasonable but seems your best bet.

Of course what's funny is people come on here shouting "ask another parent - simples" and then when you get someone posting about how another parent has asked for help with school run and don't feel they can say no everyone wades in about how cheeky they are to ask and they've put the op in a difficult position.

Can't sodding win. Sorry op, I can't offer practical advise, but unlike many I can see completely what an impossible situation this puts you in andnyounhave my sympathy.

It reminds me of when people on minimum wage zero hour contact living as a family of 4 in a two be flat are told get a nanny or au pair 🤔

OP, this won't be the first time this happens, you'll need a range of strategies to make it work. We have almost exactly the same set up, multiple kids and this type of situation happens a lot. We do have a breakfast club which does help sometimes but we have done all of:

• one of us work at home to do the others ones drop off or collect and make up hours in the evening
• Me work longer hours in the holidays when dh is using his holiday to cover as I'm the one that does short days
• Use clubs in the holidays - I'm astounded the clubs near you won't take school age dc, ours wouldn't take a 4 year old preschooler but would take a 4 year old at school, it is worth checking that.
• Ask relatives and friends to help out. I look after someone else's dc once a week after school and I have asked them at short notice to collect when I've had to stay late at work, I have similar arrangements but more ad hoc arrangements with other friends.
• Use leave.
• One of us moved jobs to be near the school (a bit extreme I know, but gives a lot of flexibility).

This does sound an ideal situation to use parental leave, as others have said get an unpaid week in the summer to give you a bit more slack.

Good luck, your dh's employes is NBU, this is a normal thing to expect you to accomodate. You are lucky they allow a late start for him and you have an early start every day. Not many years ago you would both have had to start at 9 or not have a job.

ohgod I suggested she could ask a parent who lives within walking distance to take the children. The op's response was she lives a 45 mins walk from the school. I still fail to see why that means she can't ask a parent who lives close to take them. Surely not everybody lives a 45 min walk from this school?

OP's H should solve this problem.

I don't find it implausible when the OP says that she doesn't know anyone within walking distance of the school. I can think of at least three primary schools within ten miles of where I live that are so rural that maybe only one or two families live within walking distance. If you don't personally know those one or two families then you wouldn't know anyone within walking distance. It seems far fetched but it's not necessarily.

I think nearly everyone was trying to offer helpful suggestions because they do face the same problems. I daresay the op's husband's boss has children. I don't think anyone expects you to 'magic' childcare but if you are employed to do a job you have to do it and sometimes it is at a cost to family life. In op's case it is only for two days a month. You are fortunate if your job is flexible.

If you're a parent and work childcare issues always come up. Even with family support or a childminder things happen eg my mother used to help out then she became ill, my childminder went on annual leave during a busy working week, my nanny gave me three days notice that she was leaving. It's a nightmare and I am sure all working parents agree.

At my place of work, most of my colleagues are parents and eight of us are single parents. People do understand.

I don't suppose his work even considered it might be an issue, why would they unless he told them so and even then it isn't really their concern. The op's normal arrangement is quite unusual ime, unless parents are self employed and can determine their own hours.

Yes, ultimately the question was 'AIBU to be annoyed that dh's employer seems to think we can magic childcare out of nowhere?' and the answer has largely just been a simple 'yes', because posters don't think the employer thinks anything of the kind.

Most people, me included, gave perfectly reasonable suggestions which was met with "waaaaaah none of you understand!"

I read all OP's post & still don't understand why it's so difficult for her to use about a week of her annual leave. About 10 days/yr I use up my leave when DH has to go on work trips. (shrug). I am grateful to have such a huge amount of leave (4+ weeks).

I understood the problem is not in using the annual leave per so but if it's used for the course it's not available for the school holidays so only moves the problem rather than solves it.

I don't understand why people suggest working from home as a solution, I don't think the OP has said what her job is but maybe she works in a shop, is a doctor, a teacher, a lorry driver, only a tiny number of people have jobs were you can work from home at the drop of a hat

Does unpaid parental leave still exist?

I've not RTFT so apologies if suggested already but could you take two hours hols on the mornings or one hours hols and work through your lunch?

That's not the only suggestions made at all.

I think parental leave can be applied for , assuming the youngest are still under 5 at the time, or a flexible working request.

I don't think the OP did say 'waaah' none of you understand. I think she was frustrated that people kept saying 'use a childminder' when she had already explained that she had tried to find one but couldn't. Or 'use grandparents' when she had already explained why that wasn't possible.

I think there were loads of good practical suggestions, but it is still entirely possible that none of them actually work for the OP. Loads of people can't work flexibly or make up hours at a later date for example. But the suggestion kept being made as if it was unthinkable that it wouldn't be an option.

We'll, actually, she did say 'you don't understand' but it looked like it was out of frustration.