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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that dh's employer seems to think we can magic childcare out of nowhere?

230 replies

m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:00

Dh's hours enable him to take our dc to school and I collect. Dh has been put on a training course so 2 days a month he has to be in our nearest city (2 hours journey in morning traffic) and he has to be there at 9am. I can't go in late and make up the hours as I need to pick up dc. Breakfast club is filled in September so no space for random days. No childminders with spaces as again they get booked up in September. Plus I don't really want my dc to have to have a change in their routine which is why dh and I organised it so we are the ones to take and collect but that aside, what exactly do they expect us to do?

OP posts:
dontrunwithscissors · 27/03/2016 22:47

The problem lies with your DH, not his work. Id be furious if my DH had done that--tell him to sort it out.

Original poster
m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:48

Can't start before 8am.
I know I'm being really negative and I'm not usually a negative person so I'm even annoying myself.

OP posts:
BettyBusStop · 27/03/2016 22:49

Do you get a break? Can you cut that down?

Lurkedforever1 · 27/03/2016 22:51

Can you find a childminder for after school and start early those two days? Or you drop off and then stay later on one of the days your dh can pick them up? Or just pay one of the parents you trust but don't feel able to ask a favour from? And meantime get their names down for childminders/ breakfast club for next month.

GroundHogLife · 27/03/2016 22:53

Why is this your problem? Your DH has had the change in work arrangements; it's his responsibility to sort out childcare.
Can't believe people are just expecting you to suck it up and accommodate him. No way I would be able to facilitate any change to my working day.

maddening · 27/03/2016 22:54

Husband could take Al on days you make up hours since it is his job that is causing this headache

Original poster
m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:54

Not furious with dh. He's been selected for the course rather than put his name down. He could refuse but then would stand no chance of promotion.
We'll sort something, I just have no idea what right now.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 27/03/2016 22:56

But what if the OP's employer doesn't allow her to come in late and make up the house at another time? Loads of employers don't allow that.

treaclesoda · 27/03/2016 22:57

Not make up the house, make up the hours...can't even blame autocorrect, just bad typing Blush

Original poster
m0therofdragons · 27/03/2016 22:57

No, I don't get a lunch break so I can finish work on time to collect dc. Dh taking annual leave so I can make up hours just means he has less leave to use to cover school holiday, which we tag team on.

OP posts:
NewLife4Me · 27/03/2016 22:59

I don't think it's dh employer in the wrong tbh, it's his job and obviously expected.
your dh should be the one sorting out childcare as his hours are changing.
YABU, sorry.

There are some good suggestions about a compromise here though.
Could you not cover it with annual leave, or a friend in return for you minding their dc.

StopLaughingDrRoss · 27/03/2016 23:01

Going against the grain here slightly but I don't see the issue with using a week of leave... you will still have quite a lot left and yes it sucks but it can be done.

Also, if your DH is being put forward for this training rather than asking, his boss obviously thinks highly of him and surely it will benefit his career?

I get why you're pissed, I do, but this is only two hours for two days a month and you can do it without messing with routines etc..

namechangedtoday15 · 27/03/2016 23:01

I'd be annoyed too but simply because I'd have to sort it out, not that I couldn't.

Options

  1. You take a week's annual leave - most working couples realise that you have to use leave for unexpected stuff like this
  2. You cover drop off and pick up those days, when your DH is back from the course he does drop off and collection for 2 days allowing you to make up your time
  3. Grandparents come on day 1 of the course. You do drop off so get to work late but they collect so you can make up your time. They stay over, do drop off on Day 2, you pick up as normal. Even if each set of grandparents only did that once, that's 2 of the 7 months covered.
  4. As others have suggested, you do drop off and make arrangements for after school.
  5. Can you take work home? Drop off and the collect as usual but make up tine working from home in the evening.

There are plenty of options, yes it's a pain to organise but you can sort something out in time.

daisymoo2 · 27/03/2016 23:02

It's frustrating but most jobs do need some degree of flexibility. You mentioned most of the mums at school don't work. Would none of them be willing to do a bit of cash in hand childcare for a couple ofhours those mornings? Do you have a regular babysitter with grandparents so far away? Could they do you a favour? It's a nuisance but if you put your mind to it I am sure you will come up with something. Accept you will have to pay though, 14 instances is too much as a favour from anyone.

AyeAmarok · 27/03/2016 23:03

Why has this been left to you to sort? This is your DH's problem to solve.

Weejiewarthog · 27/03/2016 23:05

Find a student looking for some extra cash on your local Facebook page. They are often not in first thing.

lborolass · 27/03/2016 23:06

If the course is over 7 months will some of the days fall in the school holidays?
If so you'd be using your holidays then anyway so it might not be as bad as having to take a week extra iyswim.

I sympathise, I assume that as you mention car seats it's not possible for someone to walk the children to school.

What about an advert in a local shop for someone to help on an ad hoc basis?

BackforGood · 27/03/2016 23:07

YABU to think that dh's employer is in any way concerned with how you arrange it.

It sounds as if offering him the opportunity to do this training is something advantageous for your dh's career?
Therefore, as a couple you sort something out to make it work.
There are a whole list of really constructive suggestions on here.
Yes, of course it's difficult when you have 3 little ones, but juggling childcare is what comes with being working parents. You've got plenty of notice, and now have a whole list of options to think about. I hope you can work something out.

OwlinaTree · 27/03/2016 23:08

Not every parent is going to need to take them in the car. Maybe a friend who walks to school could take them? You could offer to have her child on one of the school holiday days when you will be off?

Casperthefriendlyspook · 27/03/2016 23:08

This is his job, and sounds like an excellent opportunity for him. Between you, you need to find a solution.
I travel a lot for work- it's part of my role. My colleague, who has one child ( I have 2), keeps saying she can't travel because of her PFB. I'm fed up with it, because I have to arrange cover, no matter how difficult. If it's part of the role, you do it, and sort out the cover you need to. Or else, you look for a job which doesn't include these responsibilities.
Harsh but true.

MLGs · 27/03/2016 23:09

Shouldn't DH be sorting this out though?

AyeAmarok · 27/03/2016 23:10

More helpfully, given this should be your DH's problem, can you do shorter days on those 2 days a month so you can drop off and pick up those days, and then your DH does shorter days on two other days in the week so he can do both?

228agreenend · 27/03/2016 23:10

I don't see the problem with taking annual leave either. It seems the obvious and most practical option to,take. I don't really understand your reluctance to take it, as you would still have plenty of holiday left for your two summer holiday etc.

I also,don't understand why it's dh's problem to,solve. Surely in a relationship, you want to help and support each other. You already mention you don't mind him doing the course, so by taking annual leave, then you are supporting him in his job.

AyeAmarok · 27/03/2016 23:11

So you can make up the hours**

WeAllHaveWings · 27/03/2016 23:11

If it's not contractual and your dh could refuse then his employer is not being unreasonable. You as a couple need to decide if him doing the course is currently a priority for your family, if you both decide it is a priority over annual leave in summer etc then you deal with it. It's not his employers fault for offering him an opportunity.

Lots of parents prioritise time with their dc when they are young and slow down their career progression for a bit, others decide on one partners career being the priority for a while and the other person having a more flexible role. It's very difficult when do are young to have your cake and eat it without some compromising.

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