To be annoyed that dh's employer seems to think we can magic childcare out of nowhere?

[m0therofdragons]

Dh's hours enable him to take our dc to school and I collect. Dh has been put on a training course so 2 days a month he has to be in our nearest city (2 hours journey in morning traffic) and he has to be there at 9am. I can't go in late and make up the hours as I need to pick up dc. Breakfast club is filled in September so no space for random days. No childminders with spaces as again they get booked up in September. Plus I don't really want my dc to have to have a change in their routine which is why dh and I organised it so we are the ones to take and collect but that aside, what exactly do they expect us to do?

Go onto Childcare.co.uk or sitters.co.uk - you will almost certainly be able to find something through either of these.

Or rather, your husband should go onto childcare.co.uk or sitters.co.uk, I should have said.

All parents have this problem.

My solution was to give up employment. My OH works long hours and is often away on business, sometimes for weeks. I have no family support.
I could not have worked full time.

Could dh drop the dc off with someone who lives local to the school on his way?

It is difficult. Its one of the reasons I don't work at the moment to be honest - that's not a dig at you for working - but so many, particularly on here, say "I just cant understand people who don't go to work once their kids are at school" - is if it's somehow easier once they are at school than when they are younger and can go to nursery 8-6 5 days a week including school holidays. That is much easier than covering after school and holiday hours!

Our school has 2 childminders that do pick up and drop off to it, and are fully booked always with waiting lists. No breakfast club, some after school clubs which run for an hour and which you have no guarantee of getting your child into - some are more popular than others so they will draw names from a hat to decide who goes.

There are some holiday clubs around here but hard to get into and pretty expensive so you'd have to be super organised and have the money set aside.

We have no nearby grandparents, one lot are 7 hours away and the other lot are literally on the other side of the world.

So I don't work, which is fine really, it makes for a much more relaxed family life, homework is done, no juggling, but you do get asked for a lot of favours from the parents who do work. Which is fine really, I try to help when I can.

But it's all a big faff really.

Of course other people know. Try being a single parent working FT

I do know how hard it is and that's why I really think you need to find someone locally who can cover for you as necessary. It would be a huge weight off your mind. Believe me. I also live in a village with very limited childcare options. No-one is going to come knocking on your door. You need to get out there and speak to people, advertise for some help. If you are unwilling to unable to do that, what I would do would be to discuss reducing my hours at work to build in some degree of flexibility as what you have is not sustainable, even more so if DH gets promotion and with it more responsibility etc. Could you continue working 8-2 each day but only be contracted for 29 hours? That way every week you bank one hour of time for emergencies and unforeseen events, allowing you a little flexibility in your otherwise strict schedule.

I think YABU in asserting that other people do not understand the problem. I am very surprised you have got to the stage of having 3 school age DC before it has become an issue. It will only get worse once they are at different schools with different interests and needs. I even need a back up plan as a SAHM and DH and I need to negotiate.

I'm leaving this thread now. Some have given helpful ideas and other empathised so thank you. I just needed to vent.

It is also clear some people don't read and just get angry about things. I hate the "you chose to have 3 kids" argument as actually no I didn't. I planned 2 and second pregnancy was twins. I love my dc but it doesn't stop it being a logistical nightmare.

No op, you're the one with no idea how hard it is. Your problem of no parent available for school pick up for 2 days a month is a problem many of us face every single day throughout our kids lives. Which is why people are coming up with ideas to help, not because you are unique.

In one sense you're right though, as a lp miles from a town, with no support when dd was little, and a ft job that doesn't allow me to do either drop off or pick up, I have no idea how easy it is for someone in your position to just use some annual leave.

Motherofdragons you are being v u.

My sister is a lone parent to 2 kids and a teacher. What she's done is arrange childcare. It's not rocket science.

She's a teacher that should say. She's not a parent to one

I'm not sure anyone actually got angry about how you haven't organised child care. If anything, people were sympathetic and saying 'me too and this is how I/we sorted it'. We both work ft and we have 2 kids. I travel quite a lot. We have afterschool care in place. And where that doesn't work, we have friends who help out. We've helped out friends too. We have friends who are teachers and have parents evening (sometimes happening at the same time, in different schools) and we've helped to pick their kids up and fed them dinner. Other times they do the same, particularly during school holidays (although now that both are in school, they both go to holiday camps).

People will offer when you ask for help. That's what most of the posters here have suggested. Send out an SOS to your friends and neighbours. If that doesn't work, then look into taking unpaid leave or annual leave.

Wallow in your self-pity if necessary. Then sort it.

It is a logistical nightmare, but not one unique to you. And you are fortunate that it is only 2 days a month for 7 months. I was a single full time working parent with no family or friends nearby and sorted before and after school, holiday, overnight business trip and sick day childcare on my own, every working day, for almost 7 years. I understand the need to vent - it is very annoying when childcare curveballs come up, especially when it is your husband's problem that you are having to solve - but a visit to sitters.co.uk will sort it. And you are lucky that for the rest of the month, you have it covered without expense, and your kids are lucky that you and your partner are both there for them.

What, no one who goes to this school lives close than 45 mins walk away?

Weird place for a school!

People have no idea! Most people do have an idea.

When my dd started school I had to put the woman behind me in the queue as my dd's emergency contact as we didn't know anyone at all in the whole hemisphere and they said she couldn't start if we didn't have an emergency contact other than her parents. Dd Was standing there in her uniform all excited so we just cracked on!

I'd have dh speak to school. They may be able to fit them in breakfast club if it is just twice a month or they may know someone who could help. Have you tried your childcare info service at your council. If not I'd take the annual leave and you will both have time to sort cover for the hols. If your little ones are still 4 you could book a nursery for them for a week or two. Your eldest may be old enough to go to pgl or similar if no local holiday childcare.

Babysitter with a driving lisence? Or is that too simple ? I too can't believe you have got to this stage never needing early morning child care before. I agree it is a pita and usually expensive but c'est la vie.

I don't think the OP's husband's employer is being unreasonable expecting him to attend training and I agree that they will have to work it out.

But sometimes it really is much more complicated than 'use annual leave' or 'book a childminder' or 'use holiday clubs', and it's not being deliberately inflexible to point that out. Some people really, genuinely do live and work in places where none of those are an option that is available.

MotherofDragons - you are clearly BVU. What you should do is this:
1/ give away one of your twins, because you should only have had 2 children to make things easier.
2/ move to a larger city so that you are within a much easier distance of a school that has easier access, and doesn't require cars
3/ at the same time, buy a much bigger house so that you can fit an au pair in
4/ in fact, while you're at it, move to the city where your DP is doing his training, so that he no longer has a 2h commute to it
5/ as you will have moved to a larger house in the city where the training is going to be, you will no longer need to worry about full breakfast clubs, full childminders or non-existent afterschool clubs.

Job done!

Could you not get a daytime babysitter for these emergency short term situations? Like an evening babysitter, but someone who is free in the day. I'm sure any decent babysitting agency would be able to supply one.

Come off it, Thumb; most people are being perfectly reasonable and are just responding to the OP saying she's annoyed with the employer, that she cannot bear for her children's routine to change, and that no one else can possibly understand childcare problems.

Yes, most are. Some just aren't reading all of the issues. And maybe I was trying to cheer the OP up with a bit of lighthearted humour.

Just came across as sniping at posters, who in the main are trying to be helpful.