To be annoyed that dh's employer seems to think we can magic childcare out of nowhere?

[m0therofdragons]

Dh's hours enable him to take our dc to school and I collect. Dh has been put on a training course so 2 days a month he has to be in our nearest city (2 hours journey in morning traffic) and he has to be there at 9am. I can't go in late and make up the hours as I need to pick up dc. Breakfast club is filled in September so no space for random days. No childminders with spaces as again they get booked up in September. Plus I don't really want my dc to have to have a change in their routine which is why dh and I organised it so we are the ones to take and collect but that aside, what exactly do they expect us to do?

Of course the childcare - and dealing with things changing - is a shared responsibility. But it's the OP (now gone) who's seemingly been investigating options for covering days/times her H normally does. And in the vast majority of cases women in relationships with men where both WoH make more work compromises and do more of the childcare than men, so it's not unreasonable to assume that OP is in that situation and is therefore justified in being pissed off about this.

But Duckdeamon the OP seemed to be pissed off not with her DH which might well make sense but with his employers which doesn't.

On the A/L in hours issue, when my current boss started, the first things she said was why the heck was I not getting my leave in hours, given the possible late drops/Nativity play/concerts/parents meetings etc are all in small bits. It was a revelation. I now feel much more like I can get to school things without feeling guilty, though as mentioned above, there is give and take, and the expectation that I don't just pinch half an hour here on the understanding I work extra there. It all gets noted now and we all know where we are metaphorically as well as literally - after all, if I nip out and there's a fire, they need to know who is onsite.

Of course other people know. Try being a single parent working FT

To be fair, that was me and I think I had it easier than friends with partners & family nearby.

My starting point was I had no one to rely on. I knew that I had to cover every hour I was out of the home which included trips away, early starts, late finishes etc. I did have a brilliant childminder, but I also had a network of friends, helpful teenagers and temp nannies to cover CM holidays. Everything had to be paid for - apart from friends although I would often return the favour by having their kids to sleepover at weekends crazy idea There was just no option to say "Can't be done".

For many of us, that's the reality. And yes - it all got much more difficult when they started school and after school clubs and rainbows and church choir....

Never ceases to amaze me how "impossible" others with husbands/families (even those at a distance) seem to find what LPs with absolutely no support network have to negotiate pretty much most of the time.

This situation has a gazillion options as solutions. But op has used out every single one.

If my company asked me to attend something for work that resulted in unavoidable expense, they'd cover it, sure I'd have to justify it and ask for it, but it would be my absolute last option.

Knowing what the absolute last option is gives you space to look at less painful/difficult ideas.