To think the fussy eaters should pick the restaurant?

[BettyBusStop]

Need to book somewhere for a family meal. Not local to me.

It always goes the same way. Place suggested, fussy eaters moan. Or they ask if the organiser can contact the restaurant to ask if they'll do X, y or z instead. It's exhausting and we usually end up in one of two (not very good) places having a Luke warm roast chicken dinner. Last time was awful (been taken over) and we've all vowed not to return to that restaurant.

Not elderly, no special needs, no allergies, just fussy. Between the three of them they won't eat seafood, red meat, pork, anything with a sauce, anything foreign (except some pasta), no rice, no other grains, nothing spicy, no cheese that isn't cheddar, nothing that looks funny. Oh and one doesn't like veggie food - despite not liking seafood, red meat or pork.

I've suggested they have a chat and find somewhere they can all tolerate or that can accommodate their needs, and that isn't shit restaurant, and book it. Or, I'll book somewhere any they can find something on the bloody menu they can eat (even if it's just chips).

Apparently I'm being mean making them sort it. I think I'm being very reasonable And not at all unreasonable. (What I really want to say is fuck off to a Harvester and let the rest of us try the new Japanese place.)

And some of the suggestions of places to eat that please fussy eaters, are examples of crap food. If you go to a proper place where they cook things from scratch, they can make adjustments for you. Also surely anyone that does not like sauces can simply have a nice steak? Loads of places do that.

Maniac no one is genuinely a fussy eater completely out of choice, so that's a ridiculous statement. I don't go to meals so people don't have to cater to me, if they then get pissed off that I don't that's their lookout. But it's a double edged sword and I'm just making that point.

My "rule" for tolerating fussy eaters is quite simple.

If you are fussy or phobic and are seeking help, I'm with you all the way and I will fight your corner.

If you are fussy or phobic and expecting everyone else to accommodate you all the time you're not invited.

Maniac no one is genuinely a fussy eater completely out of choice, so that's a ridiculous statement.

Met them all, have you?

ManicInsomniac you sound very similar to my DH. Eating in large groups is a no go and even eating out just with me can be a nightmare. I have had to resign myself to never eating out and it's something I enjoy a lot.

DH won't/can't eat beef if it hasn't been prepared by me or him. Pork. Lamb. Fish (except fish fingers). 99% of vegetables. He will eat chicken (breast only), minced beef and that's about it. He dies like pasta and rice thankfully! It's just what goes in the sauce that's the problem.

Menu planning in our house is a nightmare and I have become very upset about it in the past as I rarely get to eat the things I enjoy because everything has to be tailored around DH.

Maniac if you want to disprove it go right ahead.

That's rather easy. I know fussy eaters, who are fussy out of choice.

What made them choose it though? There'll be a reason.

What I mean is, no one wakes up one day and purposely decides to make their own life difficult when it doesn't have to be. There's something behind it.

Is there a reason why they choose not to get help? If it's so severe that there's fuck all they can eat without gagging in more than 50% of local restaurants and its having a negative impact on their and other people's lives I'd say they need therapy.

milk I'm not sure if everyone would be open to it, or if everyone would benefit tbh. Plus you don't get many sessions on the NHS. It would depend on the reason behind the fussiness anyway.

YANBU. You're trying hard to find somewhere by the sounds of things.

I bet in countries where food is short there are zero fussy eaters.

Yes, I can imagine they would be few and far between, as adults. They probably don't survive childhood if much of what is on offer is like eating dung to them, as a small child.

This comes up in numerous threads, but my mum was "lucky" enough to have all 3 of her children be "fussy" eaters. She ran with her post war upbringing of not wasting anything and it didn't make a jot of difference. One of us came round as a young adult and the other 2 are still fairly limited in their dietary choices.

But are they prepared to try? Because of all the fussy eaters I know only one has. She's a lot better now than she was - not cured, but a lot better. And if they're not prepared to even try, why does everyone else have to accommodate them all the time?

There are many things that are expected of us that are culturally and socially "normal" and those of us who don't fit the "norm" get it sorted or fake it. Why should "fussy eating" be exempt from this?

I'm fussy in that I don't eat aubergines (allergic) and any chicken must be free range (ethical), other than that I eat most things but I don't eat at wetherspoons as the food is shit. Cheap but shit!!
I'd go for the Japanese as their good is normally great. I live near a really good Japanese restaurant and I love going there.

milk because we're all different? It's culturally and socially the norm to drink alcohol in this country but loads of us don't. I'm not that interested in food and I don't expect anyone to cater for me. Live and let live.

I've never eaten Japanese food actually, OP, did you go in the end and was it nice?

Living - and that's fine! You don't expect people to cater for you! But obviously the people OP is dealing with do (and they are not unique). That's when it becomes a problem for others and needs to be looked at.

Duh - posted too soon.

One of the differences with not drinking alcohol is that when people are sitting around chatting it's not obvious if your Coke is Coke on its own or vodka & Coke or whatever and you've got a drink like everyone else.

Sitting there with a glass of water when everyone else is eating is a much bigger step and more of a "look at me and my specialness" statement.

Plenty of restaurants I go to have a jug of water on the table and water glasses. It's pretty normal to drink water with a meal imo

Drinking water is normal. Not having anything to eat isn't.

We've got a short list of acceptable places for the ILs. Their requirements include bland, chewy and dry. We tried a nice gastro pub, and that was a fail on lighting. Sigh.

It's easier to let them stay in their comfortable zone than watch them miserably picking and whinging.

I can rarely face cooking for them as I find it hard to ruin good food to their tastes.

There may be some underlying texture issues there, but I suspect that the underlying issue is that they've been raised on a limited diet that wasn't well cooked, and are too conservative to risk trying anything new.

I think they should choose the restaurant as they know what they like and can ask questions of the restaurant themselves. it is just logical that they would do a better job of trawling through menus and spotting stuff they will be able to eat. Either that or they put up with the best you can do and find something to eat there.

I'm not fussy but have a lot of allergies and I would appreciate being asked to choose a place, and would do so with the tastes of others in mind. Those of us who have to be careful where we go usually know lots of places that will be OK for us and enjoyable for others too.

Is fussiness in eating just small mindedness? Like food bigotry? I am not talking about allergies etc.