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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really worried about possibly renting privately again aged 35!!?

129 replies

MigraineMartie · 26/03/2016 19:34

Considering moving to the coast to be nearer to my mum ( currently 55 miles away )
Daughter starting school September so not much time to play with and obviously will have missed cut off dates however apparently schools not as over subscribed as here in surrey.
Only real issue is that we are renting this from HA, £1000 a month on an intermediate market rent but been here 4 years and as long as we pay the rent we will never have to leave.
Never rented with kids ( have 4 year old and baby ) but remember it pre kids and it was awful, landlords selling, upping the rent, ordering us not to paint etc etc.
Dreading the instability of it all but my heart wants to be closer to my mum and think better now than once kids are settled at school?

OP posts:

pyrowall · 26/03/2016 19:38

I've always privately rented - never owned - am now 37.
Never had an issue with landlords - negotiated a 3 yr lease with current place after one year.
Never found it unstable - have always moves when I wanted to

pyrowall · 26/03/2016 19:38

moved

limon · 26/03/2016 19:39

I've rented for the last six years and I'm 48 . About to buy again now. Don't panic, it's fine.

Babyroobs · 26/03/2016 19:40

Difficult decision. Will rents be much cheaper near to where your mum lives? Would there be any chance of securing a HA property in your new area?

Original poster

MigraineMartie · 26/03/2016 19:53

No chance of HA properties - they only have one new build development built 6 years ago and nobody has left they said so extremely unlikely they will anytime soon.
Rent will be similar to what we pay here so no different in that respect although husband will earn slightly less but will not have travelling costs to see mum so almost balances.
We had a bad time with landlords moving 4 times in as many years pre kids and it just scares me as we won't have the deposit and all the moving costs if it happens again. We will only have them this time as my mum will pay them for me but if we are asked to leave we are we are well and truly stuffed which is a massive worry with daughter starting school as although the council will have to help it could be miles away and a change of school etc

OP posts:

AndNowItsSeven · 26/03/2016 19:56

I would never given up a secure tenancy. Could you mum not move nearer to you?

BieneBiene · 26/03/2016 19:56

Could your mum move closer to you?

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2016 19:58

I wouldn't give up a secure tenancy either.

Also, do you know what the quality of schools is like there compared to Surrey?

LaPharisienne · 26/03/2016 20:00

I would be extremely wary of leaving secure accommodation - I rent privately in London and it is hard. However well you think you know/trust your landlord their circumstances can change and that's it - you're on the move again.

Someone told me once that moving is only second to death and divorce for stressful kid events.

Understand the dilemma though - good luck.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 26/03/2016 20:05

Oh god don't leave a secure tenancy for private renting. Just no. I'm 35 and renting and it's soul destroying.

StarlingMurmuration · 26/03/2016 20:09

I wouldn't. We've bought now, but in the previous 3 years, have had our rented home sold from under us twice, perfectly legally and amicably, but a complete pain in the arse. Especially with a child.

UterusUterusGhali · 26/03/2016 20:45

Have you looked on Homeswapper for something nearby?

Mysteryfla · 26/03/2016 20:47

Wouldn't give up a secure tenancy for 55 miles, just not worth it.

Baboooshka · 26/03/2016 20:48

It is tricky. I'm 35, have always rented privately, and was very complacent about that until having DC. Obviously, it's not all doom-and-gloom millions of families rent privately but the basic fact is that the power balance isn't in your favour. They sell: you move. As Starling said, it can all be totally legal and amicable, but it's still expense and disruption. Is your mum interested in moving to you?

Original poster

MigraineMartie · 26/03/2016 23:48

My mum can't move nearer to me as she's moved to retire by the seaside.
She's married so at the moment that's all well and good, the panic sets in when I think of my stepdad passing away ( he's 10 years older than her at 75 )
I just really don't want to disrupt the kids schooling by doing it later on but I do know how awful private renting felt when we were doing it, luckily without the kids back then so wasn't as difficult.
It just feels like a long bloody way and eliminates all the quick catch ups, it now requires a full day to make the most of it so can only happen once a week at the very most but generally once a fortnight.
We can't swap this house as it's affordable rental not social housing, you don't have the right to swap or anything unfortunately
Half of me thinks go into it renting just once as if asked to leave we wouldn't be lying saying we can't afford another deposit / fees etc so surely the council will have to assist but the other half thinks I can't do that to the kids.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 26/03/2016 23:59

I wouldn't even consider giving up a secure tenancy.

manicinsomniac · 27/03/2016 00:08

I've always rented and can't imagine ever being able to buy.

I really don't see any problem with renting at all, it's absolutely fine.

AndNowItsSeven · 27/03/2016 00:08

No the council wouldn't have to help you. It's a really bad idea. It sounds like your mum chose to move away from you?
55 miles is really not that far and you may find she would move back if sadly she was widowed.

EveryoneElsie · 27/03/2016 00:12

Ask the Council in that area. If you have to move to be near her then you may qualify for a council house. As she is older and you have kids it is considered a good reason to move.

If you claim CHB you may also have to apply to the office in the new area for permission to move there. They may have changed the rules to scrap that.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/03/2016 00:16

Do not give up your tenancy.

notquitehuman · 27/03/2016 00:19

It depends if you get lucky and find a landlord that'll let you stay for more than a year. We've moved 3 times in 3 years because our town is suddenly very in demand. In other areas, homes might not be so desirable so less chance you'll have to move regularly. It's a PITA as it gets so expensive.

I'd kill for a secure tenancy! Not sure I'd be willing to give that up if there was any other option.

GreenGoth89 · 27/03/2016 00:22

Get yourself on all the home swapping websites and the Facebook groups and swap. Do not give up a secure tenancy as you'll never get one again (it looks badly on a housing application form) and some places won't even put you on the register if you haven't been living there for 3 years (unless you're homeless, but leaving the place you have now would be seen as intensional homelessness in which case they wouldn't help). It's worth doing because I have had so many landlords throw me out for no fault of my own (including after a letter from shelter on my behalf to ask the landlord to stop entering without prior consent and to stop coming to the house unless necessary). Just don't chance it. Not with kids, it's too risky!

MattDillonsPants · 27/03/2016 00:22

How far away do you currently live from your Mum OP? She's only 65....hardly in her dotage and I think you're seeing issues before they arise in worrying about your stepdad dying.

He might crack on till he's 100! These things aren't predictable. Or are there other reasons for moving such as her area is nicer? What are the schools like in your Mum's area?

I'm 43 and have always rented. Hate it.

Original poster

MigraineMartie · 27/03/2016 00:41

I can't swap this , we are not in social housing, it's affordable housing owned by a housing trust.
Pretty similar to private renting however it's a 5 year renewable contract where they assess the rent, and as long as you haven't missed payments or caused a nuisance then you stay.
I've spoken to the council and they can't assist until I've lived in the area for 6 months and am homeless so have privately rented and then been given notice basically.
The schools are not as good to he honest but the secondaries are and I think happy kids will generally learn so I'm not overly worried by key stage 2 results right now

OP posts:

Peaceandloveeveryone · 27/03/2016 00:51

I wouldn't give up your tenancy, we have rented for the past ten years and had to move eight times. Just been given notice again as for the third time in a row, the landlord is selling. It's just so disruptive and expensive to keep moving.

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