Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

"You don't become your husband's possession when you get married!"
I don't understand this line of thinking at all. You no more become your husband's possession by taking his name that your children become your possessions because you give them yours. Although, of course, nobody actually has somebody else's name - whatever name they go by is their own.

I live in the US and I can't remember the last time I was asked for a title on any piece of paperwork or correspondence, which seems to me to be the far more sensible approach to the whole question. (Almost all women, by default, are referred to as Ms Lastname anyway, because that's the standard colloquial pronunciation of both Miss and Mrs.)

I don't know how many idiots you are talking to regularly, because its not at all confusing for most people. It's perfectly normal to be married yet be Ms Yourname. I've never met anyone who was confused by this at all, a simple sentence covers it all "yes we are married, no we don't have the same name"

Job done. Better question is: why would you get married if you can't agree about something so simple as what name you will have? And how long is he going to be upset about this?

I said to him to hangs his. Funnily enough he didn't like that idea.

I'd have no problem with name changing if men changed theirs equally to women. Or if anyone could explain to me a good reason why men shouldn't.

No problem at work.
No problem at dcs school
No problem with healthcare.
At church people assume I have same name as dcs.
A few relatives send cards in the wrong name.
That's it.

I'm a Mrs, I never really thought about not changing my name. If I was getting married now, I don't know if I would change it.

I would prefer to get rid of Miss and Mrs and just have Ms. One title for women, one for men.

I kept my name when I got married and someone actually said to me that I'm not 'properly married'. Erm....I'll think you'll find that I am.

If this is your biggest problem - count your blessings

I haven't changed my name to Mrs HisName because HisName is difficult to spell and pronounce in English. But so was Mrs MyName. So I changed my made-up name to Mrs MyNewPrettyName which is common and easy. There is sometimes a confusion over whether we're married and what our names are, but my life is so much easier now that I can just say what my name is without correcting people ten thousand time like I needed to with my old name.

I would be confused over Ms vs Mrs. I agree women shouldn't feel the need to declare whether they are married or not, everywhere they go, but if someone told me they are Ms PrettyName I would assume they are not married. So I guess if you choose to write Ms YourName then you have to be prepared to explain that you are married (if it's important). It's not necessarily fair or right, but it is what it is...

My dad came with me to set up my first ever bank account aged 17. He told me I should I chose the title "Ms" and never stray from it, as it there was not one single situation where someone knowing my marital status (or an idea of my approximate age) from my title would be helpful to me. Well done dad.

I married, kept my name, kept the Ms. Like you exh hated it - kept signing me up for ludicrous stuff like supermarket clubcards as "Mrs Exh". That kind of thing fucked me off, like he was trying to "claim me" as his own.

OP, YANBU, but the world is coming round to our way of thinking. You might have to explain a few times now but as time goes on it will be more commonplace so people won't feel the need to ask. Keep your name. More importantly (particularly if you're a working professional) keep the Ms.

^^
was meant to be
So I changed my name to a made-up Mrs MyNewPrettyName which is common and easy.

In my little friendship group 3 have taken DH name, one where both have double barrelled, and one where they are both DW name. Taking DH name is still most usual I find, but its just as common to not and to do 'something else'. I find your experience odd! But then most people are surprised that DH and I are married as they seem to expect cohabiting rather than married now.

I've been married for 25 years. Didn't change my name. Never been a problem. Never been questioned.

I don't know how many idiots you are talking to regularly, because its not at all confusing for most people. It's perfectly normal to be married yet be Ms Yourname. I've never met anyone who was confused by this at all, a simple sentence covers it all "yes we are married, no we don't have the same name"

Sums it up perfectly. I don't think I've met anyone who was baffled that I had a different surname to my husband.

Does it really matter? I use my maiden name, but sometimes people call me Mrs DHname. But they are not important. If I take DH to a hospital appointment it is simpler for the doctor to address me as Mrs DH. He has other things to be thinking about (DH!) than learning another name. We are there to address DH's issues, not for me to spend time making some point about not being a chattel. It's like being "DC's mum" at nursery. It makes things quicker, it idenitifies a relationship and is convenient for someone you are meeting briefly. In my own life and work and on official papers, I use my maiden name.

Wasn't a problem with mortgage applications etc. The thing that did rightfully hack me off was when they rang me up because I hadn't sent proof of DH's income in. The assumption that he earnt the money and not me was far more annoying than anyone getting het up about my surname.

Sylvia for me there was no discussion or agreement to make. I already had a name and that was that. Dh knew I felt that way.

After we got married I don't know whether he'd assumed I change my mind, or what, but he threw his toys out of the pram. I'm sad that he feels that way and that he can't see my point of view however it's clear he's not the only one who thinks it's daft.

He seems to have just accepted it now but these things have reinforced it to him.

Are you ling in the 1950's? Or Norfolk?

Bizarre.

Friends of mine had stupid problems getting a mortgage because the wife hadn't changed her name when they got married the year before. The Building Society wanted all sorts of further checks, apparently on the grounds that she might have undisclosed bank accounts in one or other name. It was pointed out that, even if she had changed her name, she could still have had accounts she had opened before she was married in the old name, but somehow that didn't worry them at all.

Dh is a nice guy but he isn't interested in feminism or politics, he's probably quite traditional and likes to conform.

When we got married he thought I'd need to sign the marriage certificate under my chosen new name.

Too noisy, you're always going to have to explain to people like Floggingmolly. Doesn't mean you shouldn't use whatever name you choose. I can't believe that there is still confusion over Ms. It's just the same as Mr. What's difficult about that?

I'm actually in a big diverse city, however we are moving somewhere slightly more small town, could explain it perhaps?

In the past being only the eldest daughter in the family was called " Miss", all the other daughters were referred to by their names only. After about the age of twenty five or so, if still unmarried you were considered a "spinster" and basically considered socially inferior, or to pitied. Married women were considered possessions of the husband by the law, until 1882.

This is why unmarried housekeepers and cooks for upper class families were given the honoury title of "Mrs" , they were upper servants so had to be respected. I believe the title of "Ms" came about when women started to enter the professional field and had to be afforded respect not related to their marriage status.

I've met lots of women who get irate about being addressed initially at being as "Ms" and hastily correct it. Most asian females do not change their names. Obviously the status problem is still around.

I really don't care what people call themselves, in the nicest possible way. My DH's surname, my father's surname, Mrs, Ms, whatever, who cares?

if someone told me they are Ms PrettyName I would assume they are not married.

Why would you assume that? That makes no sense. It's not 'Miss'.

Too noisy, I think there are two issues here.
First is the personal trouble people have with you keeping your father's (!) name, and
Two the patriarchy and their assumption that a married woman belongs to her husband and is "rebranded" as his property. This is the feminist fight.

For day to day calls and arrangenments, use the word "husband" constantly, and fill out forms yourself. Keep an eagle eye on those who are filling them out. Complain to their managers if the staff are ticking boxes without checking the facts. Recommend to their managers they train their staff in the 21 st century!
Remind people that they are being very old fashioned of they think married people have to have the same name.

For next of kin arrangements make sure your name is on your husband's details, and you on his. Passport, drivers licence and ID.

Ms is the accecptable form of non labelling honourifics for all women over 18. The pp who said they're used for only divorceés is wrong.

Try saying your like to addressed as Professor, doctor, or lady if they won't take Ms.

Have a chat with your DH about having a mryourname tatoo, and see how it sits for him

I'm Ms Myname. My husband would have preferred me to take his name but it was my choice and I ignore any minor grumbling or legpulling from him. Our son has husband's name. Yes it confuses people sometimes but honestly, it takes a few moments to correct them and if someone finds it odd, that's their issue not mine. After 11 years MIL still addresses Christmas cards to me as Mrs Hisname or Mrs Myname-Hisname and feigns ignorance/confusion, I live with this for the sake of family peace :-) Anyone else I politely correct if I am going to see them again; if not eg medical appointments for DS, I answer to Mrs Hisname for convenience.

Oh and I've been Ms since I was 18 and never changed that. I've noticed people in their 20s these days (hark at me, the old person!) tend to use Miss more and more people seem to change their name than was normal among my friends 10/15 years ago but it's a very personal choice and entirely up to you, OP.