Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

The surname I was given at birth was that of both my parents. That one of the parents was born with the name and the other had chosen to take it is a matter of their history rather than mine.

We did go through the "giving away" bit when I got married but as far as we were all concerned it was just part of the pantomime. There's no way my Dad would have given me to XH if he had a choice about it. He didn't buy into the God stuff either, but he went along with it all because it made me happy. In quite a lot of ways he was the Right Sort of father. In others, let us just say he was a product of his era.

All those of you referring to your maiden name as your own know it is your father's right.

The reason why this is bollocks has been explained several times already but what the hell, it's a bank holiday.

First of all, not all of us have our father's surnames. Second of all, if a woman's surname isn't her own because her father had it before her, then it doesn't belong to her father either because his father probably had it before him. Basically, you choose a rule and you apply it to both me and my dad. Either a surname belongs to the person who was given it by their parents, in which case my surname is equally mine and my father's. Or my surname isn't mine because it was my father's first, but in that case it isn't his either because it was his father's before him, and his before him, and his before him... and so it's nobody's except the probably but not necessarily male ancestor who had it first.

fvboyle the more I hear about Quakers' beliefs the more I have to respect them! Wow, presuming it was founded in 1800s (please correct if wrong) it shows such an enlightened approach. Wow!

I think floggingmolly has come round to making the OP's point for her now (inadvertantly I'd guess). The OP and many other posters have made a choice name-wise which for some reason seems to cause mega confusion in TPBs (that has to become a standard Mumsnet acronym, surely) and other prehistoric thinkers. The point is that it shouldn't surely be surprising to anyone in this day and age to find a husband and wife who do not necessarily use the same surname. And yet here we are with people going all thingy about it. "But why wouldn't you change your name?" "Well, why would you?" "But why wouldn't you?" You don't have to have a reason why not, although most do have reasons which are perfectly, er, reasonable to them. Personal, professional, feminist, practical, all sorts of reasons. You don't have to change your name on marriage and many don't. Institutions need to used to it - and while they're at it, change their ruddy databases to allow for it! Where marital status matters they can just ask. Where previous names are relevant, eg passports or DBS checks, well, anyone may have changed their name whether married or not, so again, just ask (as indeed they do). It's not really difficult. And "Ms" is really, really not more confusing than Miss/Mrs. "What is your title?" "Ms." See how simple that was? There is nothing to not understand

... need to get used to it, d'oh.

Since when did getting married equate to giving up your identity? Such angst about so little

My mum married in the 1960s. She went from being Miss Ann Jones to being Mrs John Smith. There really couldn't be any clearer indication that she was a part of her husband and just an add on to him. Whereas my father's name and status did not change at all. Now, some people may be fine with this. I'm not. My surname is just that. Yes, it came down from my father and his father in turn. But I was born with it, as was my brother. It's my identity and I'll keep it.

I have kept my maiden name, we've been married 25 years. It really hasn't been that big an issue. I do though live in an area where lots of women kept their name, or use it still for professional purposes.

Biggest advantage: when someone asks for Mrs Hisname on the phone, it confirms they are a cold caller.

A woman's name is her father's name but man's name is his own name.

Once a child has been given a name and registered, that name is their own, regardless of where it came from.

i unofficially assume my dh's name eg at school/surgery/dentist/ online shopping but my passport/driving licence are in my maiden name.

it does confuse people but i dont want to change it just yet - i also confuse myself when booking flights!x

sorry about the "x", i forgot was was on mn and not talking to a friend.

I've been married 15 years (own surname kept) and never once had a cold caller ask for Mrs DHsurname, it's just my friends and relatives that do it.

I am Ms myname. I don't experience problems. Literally the only people who've had a problem are a junior bod at HMRC who insisted that it is illegal to retain your maiden name and my mum who insists on addressing post to Mrs DHname.

No one has told me that I am not married because I use Ms. I feel it is the most accurate term. I am not Miss myname as I am married and I am not Mrs myname as I am not married to Mr myname.

I read something this week about women keeping their maiden names. Apparently c.45% do so these days.

I've given up asking women for a title if I am entering their details anywhere

men are all Mr, so therefore women are all Ms.

I ask "can I take your details for your record.....?" If they say I am Miss/Mrs Sally NeedsNew Glasses then I tick that box, if they say I am Sally NeedsNewGlasses they get Ms.

When I married first time around in 1986 and tried to keep my maiden name I had to produce my marriage certificate every time I wanted to withdraw money from our joint Midland Bank account. I got so fed up I eventually change to MrsExtwat for ease of banking. Second time around it's been much simpler although school still insist on me being Mrsmaidenname not Ms as I have repeatedly filled in on data sheets.

oh and personally I tagged his surname on the end and will select Ms if there is an option required.

Got married 20 years ago and kept my own name for everything, bank, mortgage, tax, driving licence, passport, everything. The only people who don't accept it are PILs, who avoid the issue by addressing Christmas cards or letters to Husband First Name and Reg. Personal mail from them to me is addressed to Reg. Never once have they written RegTheMonkey.

Well can someone answer: WERE adult unmarried sons still the PROPERTY of their father in the same way their sisters were? Ie is the sons surname his own name or his fathers name?

mummytime my DH is terrible at forgetting to tick the box on forms stopping them from selling our details. So any call asking for Mrs Hisname is a dead giveaway. Very easy to say 'no one of that name lives here'

I understand wanting to keep your name, I did the same. I wanted to maintain my identity and also because of my daughter who was an only child at the time.

I once had to get an energy performance certificate for my flat and the receptionist lady who took my details refused to accept Ms as my title. After about ten minutes of discussing how my marital status was relevant to my property's energy requirements, I gave up and used another agency instead. What a ludicrous state of affairs we're in...

Titles are usually used to show respect.
or to exercise control

I do not use one in ANY correspondence I send out
and thus most of my competent business contacts have learned to leave that box blank in their database
My name is Talk my last name is Peace
I am good at my job
I do not need any further title

Rapunzel it really doesn't matter whether sons and daughters WERE property of their fathers, seeing as we're not making decisions in the 19th century. We're making decisions in the 21st century, so what the fuck does it matter to you what I call myself?

I'm sticking with the name that I was given at birth. As do most men without even thinking about it. And I'm using Ms as I have since I was 16/17.

I don't have the same surname as my children and it's never once been an issue - never questioned whatsoever. There is no need for families to share a name unless they want to.

I've been married for 4 years. Didn't take DH's name, kept my own and used Ms (incidentally I have used Ms since the start of my career even when unmarried). No one had ever querried my marital status when I say we're married but I've got my own name. Moreover, the majority of my female married colleague have also kept their own names.

I now have two DC and this year have decided to bite the bullet and lob DH's name on the end of mine double barrel style.

I'm curious if perhaps you live somewhere rural where people aren't as used to women not changing their names upon marriage.

I now have two DC and this year have decided to bite the bullet and lob DH's name on the end of mine double barrel style.

Out of interest, why?