Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

Never changed my name on marriage and daughter has my name. Husband not emasculated by this. His sisters are both divorced but didn't want to go back to maiden names because they felt they were moving forward not back. Their solution was to adopt maternal Dgm name as someone they had admired.

On a mortgage application they ask for title, name and marital status as separate, discrete questions. No need to ask for more info and if they are asking it's because they're ignorant/nosy bugger.

If I ever get that quizzical look the hard of imagination get sometimes I just reply with a firm "yes that's right".

I didn't change my name when I married. But we've been married 10 years with 3 children. Sometimes its just easier to agree when they call me by my husbands name. Legally my name is still the same but for things like school where the teacher either goes by the childs surname or calls me X's mum or at the doctor for a childs appointment I don't set out to differentiate my name as my maiden name. They don't really care tbh they just want to know your name and how to address you. Mortgage, license and bills etc are all in my maiden name. I have never heard of someone putting Mrs in front of their maiden name though? That to me would imply that your maiden name is your married name. If its something to do with the kids or an emergency A&E situation it doesn't really bother me what they call me. I've only ever been asked about my marital status when I am filling in documents where everyone is being asked the same question. I automatically fill in Ms but Ive never come across a time where I've been asked if I am Ms or Mrs, most people just ask for your first name so they know how to address you.

Dentist and hospital I can't really see the problem. "Hello, I'm Hisname's wife". "Hello Mrs Hisname". Nobody is going to ask for proof of your name in these situations; mildly irritating but just go along with it.

If you're regularly encountering situations where it's quite important to acknowledge you're married ; you'll have to accept that calling yourself Ms. Yoursurname isn't consistent with that

What a crock. It's not a universal concept anyway. If the world can cope with various cultures using a variety of names derived from several sources to arrive at their own, it can cope with a woman saying "This is my name, and we are married".

I am Ms Myname as well. I have been ever since I was about 14, so I didn't bother changing my title or surname when I got married and I've never encountered confusion because of it. I live in London though, and most friends/official authorities have contact with a wide range of cultures who don't change names at all on marriage, so there is less of an expectation here that a woman would change her name or title.

I told DH he was welcome to do all the administrative paperwork for me if it bothered him.

Surprisingly, he declined.

I have never come across anyone who is confused by the use of 'ms' or anyone who hasn't taken their dhs surname.

It's not important to change your title. It's a choice. Choosing not to is a valid choice and so is choosing too.

It's up to you.

OP, I use Myname. I've never really had anyone challenge my marital status. I also don't usually have to deal with standard titles, but if I do, I choose Ms.

It's very normal amongst my friends for people to keep their names on marriage.

I suppose the original premise behind changing your name was to indicate that you'd all become one family.

I have to admit I do find it odd when women who've kept their own name insist on the kids also having "her" name. It's doing the exact thing they think they're reselling against in reverse.

I'm like you OP, I didn't become Mrs Hisname and remained Ms Myname. I have used the term Ms since my late teens, never Miss.

I've not noticed ever experiencing any problems though. It has been easy enough to say that we're married but I've kept my surname. Very rarely I will use Mrs Hisname for myself, but only when I want to be clearly identified as part of the married couple.

DH and I are different ethnicities though, I wonder if that helps with people accepting me keeping my own name (when meeting new people face to face)? My surname is fairly indicative of my heritage.

Kids have his surname though, they have a few middle names and I didn't want to burden them with an additional surname.

Receptionist: sorry we can only accept an application from the patient's next of kin.
You: That's not a problem because as his wife I am his next of kin.
Receptionist:
You:

rebelling, that would be...

I'm the same and I have never experienced any issues.

YANBU, but I don't see why it is 'depressing' if women decide to change their names, as long as they haven't been forced into it.

Given that most of our maiden names are our father's surname anyway...

I suppose the original premise behind changing your name was to indicate that you'd all become one family
Sure. And that's a shorthand for being treated as next of kin etc.

But if you think about a hypothetical, if you come into A&E with a desperately ill spouse and declare you're next of kin, why would they believe you because you share a surname. Why believe that anymore that you declaring you are married?

Maybe we need to be carrying marriage certificates around?

that/than

It's not odd at all.

I kept my own name when we got married 15 years ago.

I am Ms myname and it has only caused confusion among elderly relatives (but I haven't had to prove next of kinship). I reckon if you spend a few minutes explaining to the dullards people who don't understand you've saved somebody else a job the next time they come across a woman who doesn't make her marital status immediately obvious.

What do men do in situations where it's important to establish that they're married? Find out, and do that.

It shouldn't be beyond the wit of man and woman to get over the fact that Ms for women means the same as Mr does for men - they're adults who may or may not be married.

Oh and it's got knack all to do with being a divorcee, whatever people think.

My husband shares a surname with his brother's wife. They are unrelated by blood and she is clearly not his next of kin. If we were to accept that only someone with a shared name is next of kin this would mean that if my do turned up in A&E they would only talk to her and not me.

That's clearly nonsense.

Honestly it's like we've fallen in a worm hole to 1955 reading some of these posts.

OP, if it makes you feel any better I'm always stunned when someone doesn't do the Ms Original Name.

In terms of people like dentist querying it, I think they just need to get lives. Loads of people are married and don't share a name.

I suppose I'm questioning my decision a bit. It would have meant a lot to dh however he did laugh when I pointed out I could be like Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandez Versini or whatever her name is this week if we divorced. However I like my own name and just don't want to change, so I'd be doing it to fit in.

Moving what happened was the guy was doing the forms and we'd said that we were married, but I noticed he'd put into the marital status partner rather than spouse. I pointed out that we are in fact married which was when he said "oh are you Mrs Hisname then sorry I thought you said...", it was fine once I explained but I don't think he'd ever come across it.

Oh and it's got knack all to do with being a divorcee, whatever people think

or, for many, with being a 'rebel' .

I also use Ms. whenever necessary.

And whoever said it's what divorced women are called is just wrong.