Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

Took dh to a&e

Converstation went

'What's his name?'

And what's your name?

What's your relationship?

End of.

Dad for the same questions when he took me and I have the same surname as him.

I added DH's surname to mine when we got married. Not hyphenated, just two separate surnames. The kids have his surname but my maiden name is tucked away as their second middle name. I use Mrs. My maiden name is long and Eastern European and I didn't want to swish over my heritage with his short and very English surname.

This is routinely ignored by everyone else, and in fact I usually just use his surname when booking/ordering things as it's easier than spelling out my maiden name.

DH wasn't happy, though, it was quite a sore point for a few years. Whatevs. It's MY name.

Where do you live that a mortgage advisor had not heard of a woman keeping her own name? Trumptington?!

He should be asking the questions exactly as written on the form and not making assumptions if he wants to retain his job/fca licence to give advice.

Depressing how many people still operate on old fashioned sexist assumptions. It's not a problem explaining that you're married if relevant, it's the double-take or questioning what you've already told them. (Oh so you're not married then? Yes I am, I just told you that.)

For those posters who still don't understand Ms, no it doesn't say anything about your marital status, that's rather the point. I've been Ms K since I was about 13, I'm now married and am still Ms K. Dr K if people are being patronising at me.

Toonoisy - honestly these people who have never come across it - just tell them that's what happening.

I'm almost not sure I believe them and wonder if they are making a point or something. Was the guy doing the forms 17 or something? Actually I think you'd need to be about 12 before not having come across it.

I'm amazed at your experiences. At least half of my friends and family keep their unmarried names. It's hardly unusual.

No, of course you're not incredibly odd. Your experiences are baffling.

He has come across it. He was just flexing his keep-you-in-your-place muscles. I'm not joking either.

I don't see any problem with what you have done, OP. I have done exactly the same thing. Also, I don't see why anyone should be surprised that a 'Ms' is married. That is the WHOLE POINT of Ms - avoiding the whole Miss or Mrs label that forces one to announce one's marital status. All men are Mr irrespective of their marital status. Ms is supposed to be the equivalent of that.

Yy plantsitter.

I'm afraid my tolerance for such fuckwittery is low and so is my capacity for embarrassment. I'm likely to have insisted on checking the rest of the application to "make sure you haven't made any other mistakes/written your own answers in/ignored what I said".

But my mortgage advisor was a witness at my marriage and she kept her own name.
She's also shit hot at her job and would never make a stupid assumption.

I haven't changed my name to my husband's surname and I use Ms.

I haven't ever had a problem with it, if people ask I explain.

I think we had to provide a marriage certificate when doing the mortgage but I assumed that was standard.

To use Ms when you are married - is plainly ridiculous and ignorant on your part.
And just because there other equally ignorant people agreeing with you doesn't make it right.

I think you do not understand proper forms of address and how they are used. Perhaps some more research on your part?

Ms is used for an older unmarried, divorced or long-term separated or plainly when someone is not sure whether a lady is married or not.

The proper thing to do is to use Mrs yourname. However you want to vilify me for it - it is just more dignified. But dignity is not though of highly these days.

My mother also never changed to my dad's name, but she was always referred to as Mrs -her name. Sometimes she called herself 'Mrs dadname' in certain circumstances that would lend themselves to it. You have to be flexible with how other people address you.

I was happy to change my name and DH said it was up to me.

I think you do not understand proper forms of address and how they are used. Perhaps some more research on your part?

Perhaps you should take your own advice.

I have my own name which is different from my DCs' names and their father's name.

I have never, ever had any comments or questions about it - in over 20 yrs.

The school sometimes used to call me Mrs DC surname - which I responded to. Anyone dealing with me when they met DP might call him Mr MyName - which didn't bother him.

Anything official and we used our own names - never a problem and we really never gave it a second thought.

Honestly this has come up. It's not a huge issue but it's happened. Actually it's happened every time I've booked a house viewing. Purplebricks doesn't even give the option for Ms.

Ms is neutral btw not for divorcees.

The very fact women are assumed to need a title for single, married and divorced reinforces how I feel.

Remind me someone, what is the purpose for these various different titles for women?

PS - I am actually Ms officially which is for all females over 18 if they so choose.

To use Ms when you are married - is plainly ridiculous

No it isn't and who do you think you are to tell other people their own name?

What arrogance. Unless of course you've just arrived from 1955 in which case you may wish to familiarise yourself with the modern world

I've been married 12 years and kept my name, never had any issues with mortgages or childcare or whatever

I'm not really fussed what title gets appended, I select Ms where available but sometimes people put Mrs which might look a little strange on correspondence "Mr DH and Mrs Elements". In fact, it's Dr (but I generally only use that professionally).

I didn't change my name for either of my marriages, I am Ms Myname - which is also not my fathers name

My kids have their fathers name and my husband has his own name.

So we currently have a household with 3 separate surnames

It's not a problem

I use Ms Myname because I don't think my marital status is everybody's business.
So I accept that when it is important, I have to say we are married.
No different from my dh who has to explain explicitly that he is married.

centigrade you're clearly talking bollocks,

This is what Debretts has to say about it:

www.debretts.com/forms-address/titles/untitled-women-0

centigrade451 - this logic is so out of date it is not true!

The titles used to be so men would know which women were "owned" and therefore off limits. It did not apply to men who were not owned whether married or single.

You could therefore pay court to Miss Smith but not to Mrs Smith - and it was always clear from the firt introduction which was which.

I'm mrs. My name. It's never cursed any friction with do and he totally understands and is proud of me keeping my name. It's a shame your do doesn't get it but I think you're right and you should stick to your guns! Never done my kids any harm at all. Now and then people are confused by it, for some weird reason. Slightly annoying but not a big deal.

Cursed?! Caused!

On the contrary, centigrade, I think your post is ridiculous!

Is it 'plain ridiculous' for men to be Mr whether they're married or not?

The proper thing to do is to use Mrs yourname. However you want to vilify me for it - it is just more dignified. But dignity is not though of highly these days.

How does 'being dignified' have anything to do with being married?