Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

I'm amazed this is ever an issue for you.

Me and DP are not married. We have been together nearly 20 yrs and have 2 children. The children have his surname - I didn't mind this as I got be pregnant etc and enjoy a nice long year off with my children on maternity leave - so it was nice for him to have this connection with them. It doesn't bother me at all what surname they have.

It's never been an issue anywhere - no one ever doubts I'm my DC's parent or ever asks questions about it. It's never been an issue with schools or doctors or anything. I thought it was quite normal nowadays. We also applied for a mortgage together - no one cared that we aren't married and have different names

I think we should just get rid of mr, mrs, ms etc and just be our names

Centigrade 'It is just more dignified' doesn't wash I'm afraid. You don't get to tell people they are ignorant of something and then explain what it is they are ignorant of with your (prehistoric) opinion.

WHAT is dignified about it? Showing that a woman has achieved her true purpose by marrying?

I started using Ms MyName when I started work over 25 years ago. In those pre-email days all formal communication was addressed to Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms Surname. I didn't feel the need for anyone to know my marital status.

When I got married I continued to be Ms MyName, as it was a perfectly good name, it's how I was known professionally, and I couldn't be bothered to run two sets of names in work and private life. DH couldn't care less. Indeed, sometimes he has been addressed as Mr MyName. That doesn't bother him either.

When DCs were born they took DH's name. We didn't give it any thought at all. Maybe we should have.

The only people who have ever been bothered about me being Ms MyName are DCs - DC1 was asked several times by school friends whether DH and I are divorced. It's disappointing to me that the younger generation (sorry, I know that sounds patronising) make these assumptions, and can't get their heads around women keeping their name.

DC1 is through that stage, and now tells anyone who will listen that his Mum is a strong independent woman

I'm bemused by this thread. Not the OP, the thread.

I was married to a man. He used 'Mr'. No one ever said 'Well, if you keep using "Mr", it's no wonder people question whether you're married.' No one ever said 'Oh, but "Mr" is what you use when you are divorced.'

He was just allowed to keep the same title and surname he'd always used.

Why on earth shouldn't anyone else?

I've been 'Ms De Montbaston' for donkeys' years. I don't see why I should change, and it's bloody rude of anyone to make assumptions about my marital status based on it.

Surely, if someone is intelligent enough to grasp that argument when it relates to 'Mr Smith', they can manage to extend brainpower to its limits and understand that 'Ms OPsName' might appreciate the same courtesy?

I've always been Ms (never married). I don't think it's unusual for a married woman to keep using her own surname either; my Mum does and it's never caused any issues. Bit baffled that some people think it's worthy of (negative) comment.

People tend to assume I'm Mrs DS' surname (which I'm not and never have been). I suspect this is down to my age and because I look "respectable".

Funny story - on the phone to a tradesman getting a quote for some work on my house. He asked for my and title, to which I replied" Ms Flippinada". He sounded surprised by this and said "Oh, I thought you were a Mrs", I said no, definitely "Ms". His response? "Oh, but you sound really nice..".

Wow centigrade. This is like when people derail a thread by saying "you're speling and grammer needs work".

I'm a 45 yo professional, been married 15years. I've always been Ms MyName. Mrs MyName is my mother (or the woman who caused the abdication in the 1930s).

I don't like DHs name, but don't mind when I'm referred to as Mrs HisName (usually in post from MIL).

This has never caused an issue. DCs are both X and Y HisName. Poor boys - you get teased for a name like that.

I wouldn't change my name if DP and I got married - his surname is very short, and so is my first name, so it would seem a bit odd, and my surname is a connection to my dad, who died when I was quite young. Coincidentally, DP's surname is a family name on my mum's side, so I'd take it as a (second) middle name, but continue to be Ms Mysurname. I think it's great that women have the choice, tbh.

Clearly we should resort to calling all unmarried men "Master", rather than only using it for babies in the NHS and certain children's bank accounts.
And refuse to call a man Mr until he has shown a marriage certificate.

That should sort it. Within a few decades.

You can be Ms. all you want; but it's a little disingenuous of op to deliberately draw a veil over whether she's in fact married or not (completely her own affair) and then wonder why all these people I can't believe so many people actually give a shit, tbh cannot instantly recognise the fact that she is married, and have to actually ask.
All sounds a little bit tedious to me.

goodness me the thread moved on while I was slowly typing

older unmarried, divorced or long-term separated sorry, none of those (although it does depend on the definition of "older" I suppose)

when someone is not sure whether a lady is married or not I'm genuinely curious - when is it relevant to know whether a woman is married or not?

Tell me about it, flogging.

My next door neighbour, would you believe, still uses 'Mr' and he's married! The idea!

What do you suggest I say to him to make him toe the line?

No. The point is she says she's married and they don't believe her.

They would believe a man.

I must be frightfully undignified, never having been married.

It's really only important if you're the kind of woman who dimness your value and self worth in relation to men.

Not having a pop at people who are married and choose to use their husbands surname because they want to; I am however having a pop at people who think you should use because

I'm not bothered if we get cards addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisname, I'm not going to get upset over it it's fine.

It's more being questioned on it that leave me a little miffed.

I have taken my husbands surname as I prefer it to my maiden name and like to share the same name as the DC. I do like the idea of creating a new name and both taking that on marriage, as otherwise by name I suppose you are either your husband's or father's property.

A couple of my frieds upon marriage changed both of their surnames to a new name. He had to do it by deed poll though.

I'm not clear where being dignified comes into any of this :)

*defines, not dimness. The curse of autocorrect strikes again!

I have not found this a problem. My name has a title which isn't related to marital status (Dr ) and I kept my own name. If there's no Dr option, I put 'Ms'.

My surname is different to my children's as well, I just put 'mum to X' on everything.

Easy!

Exactly. I said I'm Ms Myname and my husband is Me Hisname. They then put single in the box, or ask if they got my name right as I said that we were married.

No one would question my husband with his neutral title and all.

If your husband is bothered about you not having the same name, why doesn't he change his to yours?

Keep the Ms, though

My sil kept her maiden name when she married. She got fed up with the confusion and having to explain, so ended up taking her husbands name.