To think you should not comment when someone breaks wind

[ididNOTfart]

Very embarrassing, colleague said oh ugh someone's farted and looked at me! AIBU to think this was rude??

Oh FFS, the only time I ever cry laughing is over fart threads. I don't know what that says about me

The Burns poem is genius! Laughing so much here!

I don't know what it says about you Gin but let me know when you find out because it applies equally to me!

Anyone else voting for this one to go in Classics?

The neighbours lit a massive, smelly bonfire yesterday. And on a lovey warm day when people wanted to be outside! I shouted out "that's a smelly one".

Bonfires are going to be called garden farts from now on.

Just what I was thinking, maggienolia. Funniest thing I've read in years.

At ours it's normal to fart and then say, 'Get out and walk Donald', as in Donald Duck. Or my favourite is, I fart and say, 'More tea Vicar?' and DH always says, 'Nooo, but I wouldn't mind a drag on that joint'. Why? I have no idea! He says it in a Scottish accent too and I have no idea where it came from at all.

We regularly try to out fart each other. Onion bahjis, duck eggs and Guinness being my preferred ammunition!

In our house we say 'My God, that bloody ducks breath STINKS'

Tunnocks

Duck eggs is a new one on me. Worth a try for the entertainment value do you think?

In our family, we say 'By God, it's the ack-ack!'

Handed down from my Grandpa (who still says it best)

Another biscuit vicar
Speak up broon your in.
Twist.
Did you just toot?
That floorboard is squeaky

It's funny when older people fart because I find they just ignore it completely and carry on as if nothing has happened and no one heard it.

I had to quit this thread yesterday I was laughing so much, come back to finish it and the dog throwing up has got me going again!
I've told this on here before, but mine was many years ago when I went to church with a friend. Very sombre and serious until someone in the row (should that be pew ?) in front of us farted. It literally echoed around the church. Shortly after our snorts and sniggers also echoed around the church and as we left we were told not to return. I've never been barred from a pub before, but a church? Yep

Barred from church That's quite an achievemen.

Sympathies about the dog barf - one of mine is a poker too. It never really gets any easier does it Give me farts over puke any day of the week!

Here's the 'T' that's missing from achievement and my dog is a puker not a blasted poker!

My father described his father in law (my grandfather) as "the only person I know who crosses the room to fart next to me". Do you think this was grandfather scenting his territory? He was the most insanely jealous man.

Friends of mine who sadly were getting divorced, changed their minds. They later explained that they realised that leaving the only person that they could comfortably fart with was unthinkable....

This thread is too funny!

I do love this thread :)

I'm stalking DP so I can use one of the expressions :)

Yon Rabbi Burns "Ode Tae A Fart" wuz a wee masterpiece. Far did ye git that wun frae hen? Ye didnae handcraft ut yersel' did ye?

Yon Rabbi Burns

Was that his long lost Jewish cousin with flatulence issues?

Aye Jock, got it in wun.

Ds1 is a trainee quantity surveyor, and works in an office full of engineers. I was telling him about this thread, and he says that, if someone in the office needs to fart, office protocol is to walk over to a colleague's desk, fart there, grin and walk back to your own desk.

Where did I go wrong?

I love the idea of Rabbi Burns.

Well to be honest OnlyLovers I can't claim Rabbi Burns as my own, it's an old Scottish joke - there is nothing quite like Scottish humour, it's something to be really proud of.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ByZOK4b1Xh0

I had the very great luck to meet Billy Connolly when he used to just drop in to Grampian Television in Aberdeen and have lunch with us. What a smashing man, creasingly funny and always just one of the team. I'm so sorry that he's unwell too.

Ah well, it's still funny.

Yes, it's sad about Billy C.