To think you should not comment when someone breaks wind

[ididNOTfart]

Very embarrassing, colleague said oh ugh someone's farted and looked at me! AIBU to think this was rude??

As recited endless times by DB:

"Beans, beans,
Good for your heart.
The more you eat,
The more you f I think we all know how this ends .

... The more you fart
The better you feel
So eat those beans
with every meal

I've giggled so much at this thread. Best start to a long weekend!

Not heard that one before, Sally!

Classic YO moment:

My brother is disgusting. He was once at wembley, so out in the open air, and dropping rancid beer farts with abandon. The woman in front swore loudly as she smelt them, and smacked her husband on the back of the head for being a "dirty bastard".

The wronged husband rubbed his head and complained aggrievedly - and truthfully - that it wasn't him. A few minutes later, he got another whack. When he denied it again, the wife looked around suspiciously and said loudly,

"Well. Whoever it is, they smell like a fucking farm."

This may be his proudest moment. Gross.

MyfavoriteClinton - you are my favourite MNer today - those are absolutely hilarious. The dog is staring at me, as I hoot with laughter!

I know a different version of Oliviastabler's rhyme:

To fart, to fart, itt is no crime,
It gives the stomach ease.
It warms the bed in wintertime,
And suffocates the fleas!

"Well. Whoever it is, they smell like a fucking farm."

Well that was a waste of my Dark Chocolate digestive biscuit which I now have to wipe from the screen!

Fucking hell some of these expressions are nothing short of genius .

Get the net carruthers we've found one!

That's got the horn now try the lights

Can you smell clutch?

Funny as fuck .

We always had :
speak up brown you're nearly through

duchess - he was also responsible for a man on the row in front of him complaining bitterly to easy jet staff about their terrible toilets...

Lucky for me that it's not genetic

Fart around me at your peril. I sit in the same seat at football every home game (season ticket holder in the 'posher' bit [well, its all relative]), and someone in the row in front keeps gassing us. We (my dd and I - dh and ds are not too bothered) suffered in silence for week after week, but after one particularly honky miasma when I was literally trying not to gag, I said very, very loudly in a very pissed off and disgusted voice "Of for God's sake, someone has shat their pants!!" .... Having scanned this thread perhaps I should have gone for witty rather than brash

However, I really don't care if I was rude - not nearly as rude as they were imo....and it seems to have had the desired effect, immediately there was some furtive shifting around uncomfortably and evasive eye contact, and we've had no awful stenches to contend with since. Job done

When does farting and burping become unacceptable in public?

With babies we do everything in our power to make them burp and fart to ease wind. Then we try to stop them from doing it

"they smell like a fucking farm."

Give me grassy ruminant farts over beer and burger farts any day!

scared

He sounds like a bit of a legend!

DH and DB are like a pair of prep school boys, guffawing at fart jokes, in fact FYI NeedACleverNN a fart that follows you is known as a disciple because it just won't be left behind. DB coined the phrase while out cycling!

IF THAT'S NOT OUT, CHANGE THE UMPIRE! [GRIN]

DP tells me that he once let one rip when wearing motorcycling gear. It went up the suit into his helmet and he nearly gassed himself. :)

Just laugh out loud and say "oops someone farted, not me". Surely you don't need to try and figure out who did it? Although the speculation is always interesting. Kids are great to be around (I currently work with them) they just say "eww smelly" or "someone farted" and giggle lots. Makes you think who cares really.

DH and I are laughing at "breaks wind". You're sooooo prim n propuh

'Guff walks' are always fun in the classroom.

You wander around desks silently wafting & enjoy the furious arguments that break out amongst the kids as a result.

Bizarrely, more often than not, one of them will own up to it.

That's not bizarre, crow. It just means they're all at it!

My DP swears he emptied a tube carriage with one of his farts once!

my daughter shouted out after a particular grusome fart... if that's the smoke , how big is the fire?

Rabbie Burns, Ode tae a fart?
ODE TAE A FART

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps an tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonna hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawed yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an stop the leakin air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae leak

But awe yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope ah huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw, whit the hell, it’s no ma worry

A’body roon aboot me choking
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusing glower
Alas! Too late he’just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
Ah feel welcome nae mair

Were e’re ye go, let yer wind gang free
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o wan wee farty!

R.S. Burns