To think you should not comment when someone breaks wind

[ididNOTfart]

Very embarrassing, colleague said oh ugh someone's farted and looked at me! AIBU to think this was rude??

I like the walking bits of my commute. It gets the bowels moving, so I'm pip-pip-pipping away as I stride along with purpose.

Another lentil zone here Duchess

Anybody cough and fart at the same time?

I rather think one should announce in ringing tones, in the manner of Maggie Smith in Downtown Abbey: "Someone has dropped their bait."

You do have the perfect username for a fart thread RidersOnTheStorm.

You do have the perfect username for a fart thread RidersOnTheStorm.

Another farter while coughing here.

'A bit more choke and she would have started'

Many thanks for this.

An as for the OP's protestations of innocence: she who denied it supplied it.

Well it's rude to frt in company but not everyone has great anal sphincter control so rude to comment also. Unpleasant all round.*

I love that in someone's world the word 'fart' is beyond the pale, but the anal sphincter control of strangers is a reasonable thing to publicly discuss

Sallyhasleftthebuilding I purposefully clench my sphincter when a cough/sneeze hits because you never know

Confident appeal from the Australians there

We have:
He's brought it. And he's dropped it.
I stepped on a duck.
You'll have to buy that now, you've ripped it.

We also use 'a string of sausages' to describe the chain of small farts you occasionally leave (in lieu of one massive one), one fart per step.

I am a child, obviously, as I always struggle not to laugh when someone farts in public. Or when DS farts at home - for a 9 year old, he can produce one heck of a noise for a hell of a long time!

DH and I don't tend to fart in front of each other, but we've not been married two years yet. I'm sure that'll change

a string of sausages Bloody hilarious!

The first time dh ever farted in the car while we were driving he said...

"can you smell clutch?"

I fell for it hook line and stinker.

I always claim my farts. I am a garter and proud!

My husband produces tremendously loud and musical guffs that are strangely odourless. Mine are silent, but akin to chemical warfare (and considerably worse since getting pregnant). I try to do mine away from company...

Our dog has farted something like four times in as many years, to our knowledge. He'll look appalled and quietly move away when my husband lets rip, which highlights the fact that, despite a tendency to roll in fox poo and lick his own genitals, he's more dignified than us in many ways.

YANBU

Clinton I am in the 'more tea vicar?' camp myself.

Years ago, when sitting O levels a girl in the crowded exam hall burped (or it may have been a fart, but I think it was a burp) seconds before we were to 'pick up our pencils' to begin.

Immediately someone shouted: 'more tea vicar?'

and she shouted back: 'no thanks, but I'll have a sticky bun!'

The whole hall erupted and the Exam had to be delayed by 15mins.

When DH and I were on our way home from our honeymoon, we had been travelling for 24 hours and were at Paris airport for the last leg home. There was the most awful smell and the Parisians on the transfer bus (who are far less stoic than we Brits) were all making "peugh!" sounds and holding their noses or wafting hands in front of their faces with a disgusted expression on their faces. I whispered to DH "was that you?" as I buried my face in his jumper to filter out the stench. "No!" he said, with horror. When we were home, he fessed up that the Paris Bus Fart had, in fact, been his own work.

Actual, genuine tears here :o

Funny, funny thread, MN at its best.

Whenever we go out for meals with family or friends, dd always 'whispers' 'don't let Mummy have chips or she'll be farting all day' which kind of ruins the occasion for me.

One of the best ones I did was when I was a teen.

Me, mum and dad in the living room. My nan arrived. I let off a silent but very violent one

Everyone blamed my dad who was notorious for letting them off.

He was protesting his innocence whilst I sat there with a straight face.

My nan eventually said "I'm going to have to leave it smells too bad"

My mum followed her out to see her off as she said it smelled too bad.

My dad flounced off sulking because he was being blamed

I pissed myself laughing and was eventually caught out because I couldn't stop

Misrule - that's a dutch oven

OMG!!!!! Thank you, MN!!! I have been sitting in my car crying (with stress and anxiety) at lunchtime, unable to eat a thing. Flicked on here and now I'm crying with laughter!!!! Thank you. You have literally saved me.

Bf had a tummy malady which made his farts sound like a duck. We would search for the mallard, where is that mallard, gosh the mallard is back etc.

He is contributing That's fixed the horn, now try the lights, to the list of possible responses.

variations on a theme:
More tea vicar? the rejoinder here is" No thanks, it makes me fart".
Don't rip it, I'll buy the yard (metre, for you metric types)
In Church or chapel, let it rattle.
Speak up Brown, you're through.
That floorboards come loose again.

Whisperit - have you posted on the wrong thread or is that your response to someone farting?