To think you should not comment when someone breaks wind

[ididNOTfart]

Very embarrassing, colleague said oh ugh someone's farted and looked at me! AIBU to think this was rude??

A confident appeal by the Australians there has made me giggle and giggle, as has That's fixed the horn, now try the lights.

Sadly no one really farts proudly in our house. I recently came back to our bedroom from the bathroom though and genuinely gagged and spluttered as I walked through a Hound of the Baskervilles-type miasma; DP had quietly let one off under the duvet, thinking I was going for a shower and banking on it having dissipated by the time I got back. Sadly for him I'd only been for a quick pee and it was still very much around.

Crying with laughter at this thread!

I once knew someone that had such rank farts, one particularly nasty one made his dog throw up!

Farts are a great source of entertainment in this house. My DD is proving to be just as proficient as the rest of us

rusure

maybe?? maybe I misheard and she said: 'no thanks, I'll have a sticky bum???'

I was only thinking the other day what a long time it had been since we had a great fart thread going. .

I think a good fart is better out than in, personally. We can always blame the dog in this house.

That said though, said dog got his own back the other night. I had fallen asleep on the sofa, just a few feet from where he was dozing in his basket. I woke up very suddenly to the stench of one of his "room clearers" whilst he apparently slept blissfully on.

If I fart ('if' - ha!) the dog wakes up, glares balefully at me, and stalks off.

It is a hound. They are particularly malodorous.

What does that say about me?

Oh my days - this has made me cry laughing!

There are several correct responses to a fart:

'Speak up caller, you're through'
"More tea, vicar?'
'A bit more choke and she would have started'
'A confident appeal by the Australians there'
'Keep shouting sir, we'll find you'

I'm weeping here!

Speaking of dogs, my little Jack Russell is very precious (her theme tune, if she could have one, would be I'm a Barbie Girl!) - farts rarely but when she does she jumps out of her skin with shock and disgust! It's the funniest thing especially if she's upright when it happens

I do love a good fart thread!

I'm firmly in the 'no farting in company camp' I actually get excited when my partner announces he is out for the evening at the thought of being able to fart copiously with gay abandon...

Whoever is squealing is concealing.

Clinton and rusure your posts just made me cry with laughter. DD was asleep on my chest and I've woken her up by shaking so much.

I have been known to let pupils take the blame for one of mine.

When I hear a particularly loud one from a pupil I usually respond with 'thank you, how do spell that?' or 'That's the most interesting thing you've said all lesson'.

I once taught a child who could fart on demand. Obvious when he was going to do it as he would pull his blazer over his face - I trained his mate to punch him on the arm whenever he saw him getting ready to let one rip...

No, not me but there were 3 of us so I either had to take the blame for horrible smell or embarrass colleague! I think you should just suffer in silence like I did when these things happen

I tried that. Suffering in silence - but not for long.

I was on a 5 hour flight recently and someone in the cabin was breaking wind constantly. It was awful. And because there were only 3 of us in the small cabin I knew who was doing it. I put up with it for a while but his attitude to it all got to me and it was very much a case of - oh well this happens at 37,000 feet so I'll just get on with it. Well no bloody way was it going to because what he really needed to to was go to the bathroom and not sit there making me ill. I fanned my menu card around a bit but he still kept at it and after one especially awful offering I stood up and asked the Stewardess, the next time she came into the cabin, if she had any air freshener because someone in the cabin had a problem with their bottom and enough was enough. She looked at me as if to say - I can't believe you've just stood up and said that but thank god you did cos we've nearly been sick as well.

So it was sorted, the cabin was sprayed with something and after about 15 minutes the bloke went to the bathroom. It wasn't before time.

My lot are cabin crew and flight deck crew. I know what flying does to your tummy so I usually dont bother if there is the odd smell . But that experience really was over the top and there's no way I was putting up with it. The guy was just being sheer lazy. He'd settled down to sleep just after take off and it was a case of I can't be bothered getting up to go to the loo so I'll just lie here and fart away for hours on end because its easier for me.

Don't be a fart martyr! Own up proudly to yours (mine make my mother cross, but my BIL piss himself laughing), but to each their own gaseous burden.

A fart martyr. Or is it a fartyr?

Of course the only thing to say BEFORE letting rip is, "Our survey said..."

Or after someone else has done a nice rattly one (usually DD) I sometimes say, "Hey, I needed that bubble wrap!"

Someone on MN recommended blaming it on "carpet frogs", on a previous thread. We adopted "carpet frogs" as the culprit for any audible trumps. Also "sofa frogs", "bed frogs" etc.

For a while our DC genuinely believed in the mythical carpet frog.

DM blames floorboards wherever she goes.

My deceased FinL taught OH:

Wherever you may be,
Always let your wind blow free,
Even if in church or chapel,
Go on, go on, let it rattle.

A Dutch oven is a slang term for lying in bed with another person and pulling the covers over the person's head while flatulating, thereby creating an unpleasant situation in an enclosed space.[16] This is done as a prank or by accident to one's sleeping partner.[17] The book The Alphabet of Manliness discusses the Dutch oven and a phenomenon it refers to as the "Dutch oven surprise", that "happens if you force it too hard".[

Sorry, meant to attach this.

I had to have a haemorrhoid operation many years ago. No one single medical or nursing person warned me that forever after I would be assailed by stealth farts.

Hold it in until you leave the room. Ha. Chance would be a fine thing.

I used to be friends with a chap who took great pride in the vileness of his farts. He once did one in my very small office and pinned me in the corner - but boy did he move fast when I projectile vomited on his shoes! Fucking idiot never tried that again. I still wonder what on earth he used to eat to make a stench like that - milk bottles maybe? Or compost?

We used to sing,

"Listen to this, too good to miss, da-da da-da da-daaaaah "

Someone on MN recommended blaming it on "carpet frogs", on a previous thread. We adopted "carpet frogs" as the culprit for any audible trumps. Also "sofa frogs", "bed frogs" etc.

For a while our DC genuinely believed in the mythical carpet frog.

ha ha, mine are always looking for the Hertfordshire Toad :)

This thread is making my cry with laughter!
DS did one in the car yesterday, and DH thought there was something wrong with the car it was so loud and long!
I used to be quite shy and reserved about farting, not any more, i just let them go!

Where 'ere you be let your wind blow free, be it church or chapel let it rattle!

Sir John Harington let rip in the presence of Elizabeth I and found it wise to absent himself from court for a long time. When he returned the Queen said Welcome, Sir John, we have forgot the fart!