Is it rude to bring over an entire meal when you're invited round to someone's house for tea?

[TeamStark]

Just wondering what opinions are.

We have invited four of DH's relatives round to our house for an informal gathering, to celebrate his birthday. We said in the invite that we would order take away - this is what we usually do when we ask people around to ours. We like having a nice take away once in awhile as a treat, saves us the trouble of cooking for several adults, not a big deal.

One of DH's family members has taken it upon herself to make homemade soup and stovies for "4-5 people", and is bringing it over tonight. She has also bought oatcakes, and a birthday cake for DH. We asked her for none of these. We were looking forward to ordering pizzas.

Rude? Sweetly overeager?

We will be accepting the food graciously, FWIW, especially since she's already gone and made it, but AIBU to feel a bit put-off that I invited her to my house and she's up and decided to do the feeding?

Said family member does this quite frequently, btw. Shows up at my kids' birthday celebrations with a cake in a box from Tesco, when I specifically tell her I will make a cake. And shows up with platters of tuna and egg sandwiches when I tell her I will order/make/serve a dinner.

Is soup & stovies a thing then?

Not together in one pot diddle as a starter and main. I don't know if that's what you meant

No, I figured they were served seperately, just seems an odd combination to me.

Soup, followed by stew, which is like a thick soup!

So, a bit like soup & soup!

Scottish mothers of that generation are obsessed by soup. I was painstakingly taught by my Mum the recipes for all the classics - Scotch Broth, split pea and ham, cock a leekie and always looked forward to having some when I visited. Now she is dead mine never quite tastes the same and my DH has no emotional connection to soup whatsoever.

However it's a rubbish food for a stand-up or sit-in-the-living-room party!

As he's always on at his Maw to make stovies OP, does that mean you never make them? or does he do that thing where yours aren't as good as his mother's ( the bastard..)?

The thing my Mum loved most about her MIL was that she was a truly terrible cook

Am I the only person on this thread who thinks that the OP partly brought this on herself by announcing what the food was going to be in advance. When I invite family and friends round, I don't usually tell them what the menu is in advance. Mind you, the MIL would probably bring something anyway. Maybe next time ask her to bring something specific that goes with whatever else you are thinking of having?

Maybe soup followed by stovies is traditional because the soup is made of vegetables and it turns into a sort of balanced meal altogether.

Sounds to me like the MIL does not like takeaways and, taking that much food to the party, was her passive aggressive way of showing that dislike and getting her own way in what was eaten.

This is controlling behaviour.
I would say "thank you, cake will be lovely for pudding after our takeaway pizza."

Stovies should be made with square sausage. None of your corned or roast beef nonsense .

Why is it called stories? That suggests a plural of something. It's an odd word to describe a bowl of gloop 🤔

Stovies. I really hate autocorrect.

Stovies need re-designing.
They should clearly be a kind of scone/ bread/ bun/ crumpetty sort of treat.

And yy thatsnotmyrabbit

So rude, my MIL does this type of stuff too. But a pp suggested ordering pizza and having MIL's stuff out too so people can take what they want, which is a good idea and keeps the peace. Definitely get DH to have a word about it for the future though. The birthday cake thing is waaay over the line.

Oh God, my mother does this!!! And I am soooo ruuuuude and ungrateful being put out when she turns up at events I am catering with several dishes. And rolls of clingfilm. And extra chairs. Unasked.
And yep, she made a birthday cake for DCs 1st birthday after I said I was making one, then sulked for years when I put it away in a tin and nobody ate it...and breathe..!!!!
Yanbu. At all.

If someone invited me round for tea and offered me takeaway pizza I would be most miffed.

And very pleased if someone else had thought to bring some actual food that I would eat.

[pretentious food ponce smiley]

I think it's fine to serve takeaway pizza, as it was clearly stated on the invitation. If anyone didn't want to come round for pizza, they should have declined, not told the host they'd be bringing the food!

Liara there is a word and it's no.I can't make it,its easy to say.Just stay home.After all the food was known in advance,not like it was sprung on you.

Poncey smiley face doesn't give you the exscuse of being rude

Ah so stovies is scouse...
Have never heard of stovies but am from Liverpool so anything remotely meat stew veg based can be scouse.
I would rather have the pizza...

My MIL regularly shows up to parties at my house with a birthday cake, the last one she came around 2 days before, I told her I was waiting in for Ocado to come and that I was making a cake for the birthday we were celebrating, she asked me a lot about it so it was well established this cake was a big deal, she showed up with another cake and said to everyone "well you have to have a cake for a birthday party don't you?" I pushed it to one side and put candles in the one I had made, she did cats bum mouth, heard her discussing with someone in the kitchen later "if I knew she was making the cake I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of baking one"

Some people are just overbearing and like to appear like they are doing all the work

Same MIL often brings her own packed lunch to dinner parties which is totally bizzare

"if I knew she was making the cake I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of baking one"

Bet you wished you'd gone in & said "I told you two days ago when you were here and interrogated me about it!"

I know some people are OK with others taking a cake when they have already made/supplied one, but generally, you only take food if asked to, don't you?

Well I appeared in the kitchen just as she said it and she didn't look up and see me until it had been said, I just looked her in the eye and smiled, she knew exactly what she had done and I just felt sorry for her

I also agreed that it's weird and controlling - but then, we are going to see PILs this weekend and bringing the lunch. Simply because MIL is the worst cook ever. Really. We are seriously dreading eating there.

So we're taking the lunch, dressed up as 'less stress for her' and we are actually looking forward to spending time there.