Is it rude to bring over an entire meal when you're invited round to someone's house for tea?

[TeamStark]

Just wondering what opinions are.

We have invited four of DH's relatives round to our house for an informal gathering, to celebrate his birthday. We said in the invite that we would order take away - this is what we usually do when we ask people around to ours. We like having a nice take away once in awhile as a treat, saves us the trouble of cooking for several adults, not a big deal.

One of DH's family members has taken it upon herself to make homemade soup and stovies for "4-5 people", and is bringing it over tonight. She has also bought oatcakes, and a birthday cake for DH. We asked her for none of these. We were looking forward to ordering pizzas.

Rude? Sweetly overeager?

We will be accepting the food graciously, FWIW, especially since she's already gone and made it, but AIBU to feel a bit put-off that I invited her to my house and she's up and decided to do the feeding?

Said family member does this quite frequently, btw. Shows up at my kids' birthday celebrations with a cake in a box from Tesco, when I specifically tell her I will make a cake. And shows up with platters of tuna and egg sandwiches when I tell her I will order/make/serve a dinner.

I hate stovies and the idea of stovies and soup as a celebratory meal yuck, yuck, yuck. I'd rather have my food unmasticated please.

In Scotland on New years day Stovies are the only food served in pubs as I discovered to my disgust a few years ago when we went out for a walk.

I would be very disappointed to have a takeaway pizza if I was invited over to a dinner, sorry.

It's teenage food. I wouldn't say of course, but I'd prefer the stovies.

I love stovies and soup. I hate takeaway pizza. I would love your relative.

It's an informal gathering for someone's birthday, not an actual dinner party. Pizza is fine.

fourage they were invited for takeaway pizza not 'to a dinner'

I would be extremely disappointed to have been invited for pizza only to discover that the menu was now different forms of savoury slops. Wet savoury food is just wrong.

Haven't read the full thread but what I'd do is order the pizzas as per the plan but also heat up the stories and serve both. Let people decide what they want. I bet there'd be loads of stovies left over and if she made a remark I'd say about people expecting pizza.

flogging- "It's an informal gathering for someone's birthday, not an actual dinner party. Pizza is fine."

You haven't met my family !!

rookiemere That must've been a long walk around all the pubs in Scotland then. Actually, traditional New Years day food is usually steak pie :)

Do they prefer Stovies, fourage?

My mum does this. Pees us all off when we are all looking forward to a takeaway. then we have to say its lovely. She then thinks she should always do this as we like her food

Really? you invite people round to eat takeaway pizza?

I'd much sooner have the stovies.

This has nothing to do with anything but there's a lot of people making stovies wrong.

My mum's stovies are made on a Monday after roast beef for Sunday lunch. A layer of onions, slices of potatoes, salt and pepper. Add any left over pickings from the roast. Repeat until pot is over half full. Pour over roast beef gravy until it is level with top layer of potatoes. Cook until mushy, or just done. They are amazing.

I would chose stovies over pizza any day.

No corned beef!

Even Dustin Hoffman likes stovies...

I have never met anyone in real life who doesn't like pizza.
also why did so many of us thibk stovies were savoury scone type things? What were we thinking of? Don't say stotties, I come from the land of stotties

OP we will if course need an update of whether all the soup and stovies got eaten or if pizza was more popular?!

I would prefer neither.

A family birthday in our family calls for some celebration food.

I hate stovies. My Dad insists on making them and they taste like something the French would make but with the nice stuff; cream, cheese, fresh veg, removed. Bleugh.

In our house we make oldie food for the older generation and order pizza and other takeaway food for the younger generation. We all pick and choose what we want. I don't see the problem with the mil bringing some food, just serve it along side the pizza. I would only be pissed off if she had a hissy fit about you ordering pizza. That's a bit odd.

I must admit I often turn up to friends' houses with carrier bags from waitrose as I can't go anywhere empty handed - but booze and chocolates/cakes/crisps/dips - not a main course!

Stovies look disgusting. Like a 10 day old dog food stew :(

I really really wanted comfort food tonight so I looked up stovies. Funnily enough nigella, hfw, nigelnslater, even delia didn't have a recipe...
But my Daily Mail cookbook (don't ask ) did. Although it does recommend a lavish garnish of parsley.
I shall report back a picture.

What do you consider celebration food, fourage? Genuine question

What's wrong with pizza for a birthday? I would eat it for mine! I love pizza. Never heard of stovies before (I too thought it was a pancake/bread product) but it looks rank and definitely doesn't seem like a celebratory meal!

I have a vegan friend. It's a relief when she brings her own food. I love trying it but it's not easy to cook for 10 meat eaters and a vegan.

I love Stovies mmmmmm....

However it is rude for your MIL to turn up with a load of food unprompted. If your DH was so keen to eat them, then why hasn't she done a special invite round to hers for it?

As is usually the case you have a DH problem, not a MIL problem!