Is it rude to bring over an entire meal when you're invited round to someone's house for tea?

[TeamStark]

Just wondering what opinions are.

We have invited four of DH's relatives round to our house for an informal gathering, to celebrate his birthday. We said in the invite that we would order take away - this is what we usually do when we ask people around to ours. We like having a nice take away once in awhile as a treat, saves us the trouble of cooking for several adults, not a big deal.

One of DH's family members has taken it upon herself to make homemade soup and stovies for "4-5 people", and is bringing it over tonight. She has also bought oatcakes, and a birthday cake for DH. We asked her for none of these. We were looking forward to ordering pizzas.

Rude? Sweetly overeager?

We will be accepting the food graciously, FWIW, especially since she's already gone and made it, but AIBU to feel a bit put-off that I invited her to my house and she's up and decided to do the feeding?

Said family member does this quite frequently, btw. Shows up at my kids' birthday celebrations with a cake in a box from Tesco, when I specifically tell her I will make a cake. And shows up with platters of tuna and egg sandwiches when I tell her I will order/make/serve a dinner.

Freeze the soup.

Keep the stovies in the fridge for DH only - Awe, isn't it lovely MIL has made them specially for DH, no one else can have any as they are his favourite and he's not to be deprived of his special birthday treat.

Then order pizza.

Yes, my MIL. And yes, my DH is totally a mummy's boy! That said, I'd be the first to hear about it if he didn't actually want to eat what she is bringing. I'll have to be sharper with foodie assignments in the future.

We will have a good night, with the whole crazy feast. Her stovies and soup are both nice. :)

And drink wine!!

She has probably been praised for her soup and stovies in the past and now thinks that everyone wants to eat them all the time .

Just order your pizza anyway and say "granma's brought some stovies if anyone wants to have some."

I think it is OK to bring an additional thing to someone's house when invited, but not to change the whole menu.

YANBU OP.

'I can't believe so many of you doesn't like a good home cooked meal.'

How do you know it's good? And that's not the point. The point was the guests were told it would be pizza.

I hate stovies.

I'd be gutted to be denied takeaway pizza in favour of soup and stovies. Yak.

Order pizza anyhow obvs

I want a pizza now..........

Ooh I'm torn. I love stovies, but I love pizza.

You could always put them on a topping for the pizza.
for tonight op,i think you are going to need it.

I love stovies, but I make them out of the day before's left overs. I thought everyone made their stovies out of left-overs. Sunday joint, Monday stovies. It's like turkey sandwiches on Boxing Day.

Does your MIL make her stovies from scratch?

Ah, that's lovely that his mum(my) has cooked what he wanted.

Which she could perhaps do anytime(?)

But decided to when the invitation said takeaway??

Well, leave them to it & everyone else can have takeaway!

I also thought that stovies must be some sort of lovely bread & was thinking how nice, soup & lovely bread whilst waiting for the takeaway!

I think there as many versions of stovies as there are families in Scotland! I'd be gutted to get that kind as I don't eat mince. But for the record, I'd say it was incredibly rude to accept an invitation and show up with the entire meal from soup to nuts. It's insulting to the host/hostess, as if saying what they were planning is not good enough.

Have both the pizza and the stovies on the table. It will be like a food Mexican standoff.

I know this wasn't the point of the thread but now I am craving stovies and I don't have any leftover meat to make them from (and last time I considered it there were a billion recipes online which was very confusing!).

I hope you find some way for DH to enjoy the stovies on his birthday whilst getting MIL to understand that it's a bit rude to do this and please not to do it in the future - good luck!

Putting it on the table will make it awkward for those with the more refined pizza palettes. Yes it's rude and your husband has been well trained by her. Those apron strings are a real bugger. Passive aggressive and whatever you do you will be seen as the bad guy. Why? Because you are the only one behaving like an adult and they will try and drag you down to their level. Sounds just like my mother and brother with their symbiotic relationship .

Can't he accept the stovies as a present & freeze to have some other time & have takeaway as planned?

And sorry if dh likes stovies soooo much why would he want to share?

Dear mil. Im keeping the stovies and serving the lovely soup as a starter because dh loves stovies sooo much he will be able to eat it for the next five nights while the kids are on school holidays. I am such a bad cook and wife that I cannot make stovies. I bow to your superior culinary skills and promise to do better in the future if you will let me keep my husband.

Do you pay for everyone's takeaway?

I like to have people over for food and go to a lot of effort and expense in my own home but I enjoy it (see name for clue).

If I go to someone else's home and they're serving food I'd offer to bring something and it would always be something that could just be put out as part of a spread so I'm not marching into their home/kitchen and demanding use of a pan/oven as that is fucking annoying.

I presume you'll have to supply bowls, spoons etc rather than just shove a load of pizza boxes in the bin?

She sounds like her heart is in the right place but she isn't think that you just want pizza and you maybe don't want to serve/eat soup. She can do that in her home.

Not sure how you tell her that though. Unless you just show her the way to the kitchen and let her crack on while you sit relaxing with

Sorry I think yabvvvvu but that's because I love stovies (I had them while visiting Aberdeen) and would throw myself at the feet of anyone who brought me them!

Generally tho it's odd behaviour yes

FFS - the op wants Pizza for her guests. Doesn't matter what we all feel about it or what we like to eat, the op is being made to accept something she doesn't want or need (this being for a "party" in her own home). How undermining is this, the husband needs to cut the bloody apron strings.

Eww to the 'stories' they look a punishment !

Stovies!

I've had stovies - they were delicious! I did try making my own chicken stovies, but they weren't as good.

Googe images is full of pics of stovies. The one I picked was the most appealing!

You're not kidding - why do so many of them look like pavement pizzas?

Stovies are proof that food can look dreadful and taste wonderful.

Perhaps the MIL knows that over invited members don't like takeaway pizza? I love pizza, but never eat takeaway.