Is it rude to bring over an entire meal when you're invited round to someone's house for tea?

[TeamStark]

Just wondering what opinions are.

We have invited four of DH's relatives round to our house for an informal gathering, to celebrate his birthday. We said in the invite that we would order take away - this is what we usually do when we ask people around to ours. We like having a nice take away once in awhile as a treat, saves us the trouble of cooking for several adults, not a big deal.

One of DH's family members has taken it upon herself to make homemade soup and stovies for "4-5 people", and is bringing it over tonight. She has also bought oatcakes, and a birthday cake for DH. We asked her for none of these. We were looking forward to ordering pizzas.

Rude? Sweetly overeager?

We will be accepting the food graciously, FWIW, especially since she's already gone and made it, but AIBU to feel a bit put-off that I invited her to my house and she's up and decided to do the feeding?

Said family member does this quite frequently, btw. Shows up at my kids' birthday celebrations with a cake in a box from Tesco, when I specifically tell her I will make a cake. And shows up with platters of tuna and egg sandwiches when I tell her I will order/make/serve a dinner.

Oh, so has she done soup AND stews? Just thank her and stick it in the freezer.

She knows what's in the Stovies, NoSquirrels, and has wisely decided not to partake...

Oh - stovies I thought were a sort of pancake-thing to go with the soup. Not .... that^^. That does NOT look celebratory.

I think I would be calling up and asking her to please freeze soup & stovies, happy to have the borthday cake though, so sweet of her. Let's come to your house for the soup/stovies another day.

Stovies are a Scottish dish. Kind of like corned beef mixed with mashed potatoes. I'm not describing them very well. They are nice - a lot of my friends have served them as an after dinner (after booze) snack at their wedding receptions.

Flogginmolly you might be correct

NoSquirrels I will give that tip a shot in the future. If nothing else, to see what the result is!

Though, if she prefers stovies to pizza, serve her the stovies!

Yes. Now it does sound more controlling than sweet. She has to be in control of social situations even if she's just one guest of many.

Oh yes, she relayed all this info about the soup and stovies to my DH, her son. So, he is in the awkward position of turning down his DM. Who is very, very used to being The Mum.

'No mum, I really want pizza for my birthday and not soup! But thanks for the offer'

Anyone else thinks this woman sounds like Marie off everyone loves Raymond?

DH needs to be The One to say no.

Honestly, my DH would be Loudly Not Happy if his mother tried to substitute pizza for a mince & potato hash, so I would never have this particular problem

I sometimes bring my own food to meals- I'm into lifting and I don't like screwing my macros up with a takeaway or an unplanned meal unless it fits with my cheat day plan. I always tell the host in advance, bring it in Tupperware that takes a minute to bung in the microwave. Tbf, I usually bring a bit extra because some fecker will always ask for a bit of something or other, particularly the meat, which is the most important bit for me. I wouldn't be bringing food for every one or a birthday cake though, unless it was a protein brownie cake or something!

I think I'd graciously accept her offerings and order pizza too. Then people can eat what they prefer. If everyone eats her food you'll know they don't want pizza. If everyone opts for pizza then she'll get the message.

Personally I'd not fancy take away at all but I'd probably refuse the invite than cook, or at least ask if I could bring my own food (if I was really keen to celebrate with your dh).

I find that the people who are obsessed with bringing grub to every social event they attend are never the particularly skilled cooks!

Yeah it is completely a power thing.

You can't give in though. Let her be offended, she has created the situation in which she is offended so she only has herself to blame.

Order the pizza any way. Say thank you very much and put the food she brings away for tomorrow.

Oh, his mum! Def put her food out and order pizza.

Yep - its rude. Depends on what she's like usually as to whether its well-meaning or controlling?

My MIL is always trying to persuade us to make a big bowl of chilli whenever we entertain...every single time. Its weird but she doesn't mean anything by it, just thinks she knows best as she has years of entertaining experience. I just smile and nod and then make whatever i fancy instead

Well, to be fair, if I were one of the other guests I'd be pretty happy to hear there are other options too. Takeaway pizza doesn't sound great, especially if sth gross and greasy like Dominos.

Oh this does get me annoyed - it has happened several times recently where I have organised a dinner with friends and someone has turned up with a cake when I have already made a dessert - then having to watch them pull a cat's bum mouth when I serve my dessert first.

I just knew this would be the mil.

Why did you ask her.If she has form for this kind of thing.
I would still order the pizza.Let her have her own food.And you enjoy the takeaway.

And yeah, I'd order some pizzas and serve her food too so people can choose.

I love Marie!

Put the food she brings into the fridge and say thanks.

Carry on and order your pizza as planned.

If anything is said about her cooking, say that you were clear about pizza and that's what you're having.

Don't entertain any more conversation than this. If they take it on, state:

I said we were ordering pizza, you decided to ignore this fact and brought soup and stovies. I'll keep them for tomorrow, or you're welcome to take them back home with you.

If it continues- i made my decision

Yeah it will be hard to do first time around, but things won't change if you don't make them.

Do same for birthday cakes etc, give them to your h to give out at work etc or yourself, but don't use her cake unless as a back up for a large crowd.

Assuming this is your mil?

I thought stovies might be a sort of potato scone. It looks ok as a rustic comfort food, but I don't get how that goes with soup.

Rude. My step mother does this. It is all about power.
I'd order the pizza and not touch her offerings.