DP and I have been together almost 5 years, we live together and got engaged last year. Very happy. All good.
This weekend his parents and sister and her husband are coming to stay for the whole bank holiday weekend and I am dreading it, mainly because of his sister.
It's really hard for me to say why, as it isn't like she's outwardly nasty. However, she is just incredibly self absorbed, she literally makes no effort to enquire about ANYONE else or their life. Just sits there and waits to be asked about hers and then happily sits, talking about herself.
It became apparent very quickly when I first met her and the rest of his family that she is absolutely adored and fawned over 24/7. She is the centre of the family's universe and everyone else is expected to make her the centre of theirs too.
I have known this woman for 5 years and I can honestly say that in that time she has barely spoken to me. She knows absolutely nothing about me nor is she interested. Which is fine, I don't expect people to have an avid interest in me or my life, however, I'm also not particularly interested in her or her life but when we're left alone in a room together or see each other at a family gathering/meal etc, it would be a bit awkward if we didn't speak. So, I make conversation with her, chat about anything and everything really, but mostly I ask her Q's about her DD, or her job, how's the house renovating going etc etc. Just general, everyday polite chit chat. Because, you know, that's what most 'normal' human beings do don't they?!
It's really difficult to explain, but events have been cancelled before, events that are quite big and have taken months of planning, because she's 'tired' and doesn't want to attend. So instead of just going ahead without her, the whole thing gets cancelled. Because the world doesn't turn unless she's there, when in actual fact, she doesn't really add much at all, just sits there murmuring 'hmm' 'umm' at conversations, until it (inevitably) turns to focus on her and then you can't shut her up.
18 months ago, DP got a promotion at work and we had to move a couple of hours drive away. This has kinda made things worse between her and I as instead of just seeing her for a couple of hours, I have to see her for a whole weekend or more. I find it exhausting.
SIL has invited herself down to stay 8 times in the last 18 months. This will be the 9th time and I really am dreading it.
For a start the mess- honestly, every single room is strewn with clothes, hers, her husbands and DDs. Their DD is now 2 and very cute, but obviously with small children/ toddlers comes mess. The kitchen walls and floor are covered in food after every meal. There is dirty nappys left in the kitchen bin (vom) that we don't know about until they start smelling. Last time they came SIL let DD play with play dough.....all over a cream carpet. Go figure. SIL asks for multiple cups of tea/ waters/ juices all day and afterwards, the rooms are strewn with dirty cups, mugs and glasses.
I wouldn't mind about any of the above if it was a guest that was occasional, I. E a TRUE guest. I enjoy looking after guests, but really, after all this time she can't even stick a cup in the dishwasher after it's been used?! I'm not her maid, but that's exactly how I feel.
I get married in September, my MOH is yet to receive an RSVP to my hen. SIL has barely spoken to me about the wedding. She has always treated me with such disdain, like I'm not a permanent fixture. I could understand it if pre me, DP was a player and had a different girl every week, but he only had a few other girl friends before me and they only lasted a year or so. He certainly didn't live with or propose to any of them.
I have 2 brothers, I haven't always been fond of their girlfriends, however you'd never have known, as whether I liked them or not I was still polite and friendly and made conversation where I could.
I guess it's been 5 years and most of the time, especially since we've moved away, I don't really give her a second thought. DP talks about her and tells me what she's been up to etc a lot and I just make the right noises. It is easy for me to just forget about her. But on weeks like this, where I am due to be in her company for 3-4 days at a time, I just feel really resentful and exhausted at the prospect of having to 'entertain' her as a guest. Why should I make the effort to make her welcome in my home when she can barely bring herself to acknowledge me? Well, in fact that's all she does.
It's strange, because we're actually very similar people. There is only 2 years age difference between us, we're both sociable types with lots of friends (sorry that sounds bleurgh I know!) we like the same music, both like to have a drink and a laugh. Yet, she's just never been arsed about getting to know me, at first it made me feel like crap, now it just makes me feel angry and resentful that I have to be all sweetness and light to her.
So.....WIBU to feign an illness and hide in the bedroom all weekend to avoid her and having to listen to no doubt everyone sitting there discussing only her and what she's been doing and what she feels for hours on end?! (Mostly joking about the feigning illness part!)
Has anyone else got a SIL that makes no effort or practically blanks them for no apparent reason? If so, how do you deal with it?