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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel DD birthday party?

336 replies

TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 07:15

DD is turning 4 and we have a party booked for her in two weeks time .

I handed out invites directly to parents 3 weeks ago with an RSVP date of TODAY!

I have not had a single RSVP. Not one . Angry

It's school holidays here and I do not know the parents well enough to chase them up or have phone numbers etc .

The balance of the party is due today ; it's £140. I have already paid a £20 deposit which I will lose .

If I cancel after paying the balance I will lose the lot .

Would you cancel? I could use the money to take DD away for the weekend instead.

I am worried though that a load of people will turn up at the party and we won't be there Blush

I need to decide today ! Help!

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 26/03/2016 19:51

Can I just ask where you are in the world that you have a three-year old at school? Or are you talking about pre-school?

In parts of Wales it's normal for 3 year olds to be full time in a school nursery class.

PunkrockerGirl · 26/03/2016 20:31

If you force RSVP's too early I find you just get a high drop out rate when people find they can't actually make it

So people rsvp and accept the invitation knowing that they'll drop out if something better crops up? Well please, just say no from the start and take your self importance somewhere else. I'd rather not spend hard earned cash on the party deposit for the child of such an ill mannered, self absorbed parent. Word gets round and you'll end up wondering why your child no longer gets any invites Hmm

Are you the same with invites as an adult? If the invite is more than a week ahead, do you just accept on the off chance that nothing better will turn up and then cancel if it does?

IdealWeather · 26/03/2016 20:57

Tess if you receive an invite for a paty too early in your taste and from someone who isn't close so you can't actually tell whether you will be available or not, then I expect you to say NO to the invite and to not turn up to said party.

If you say YES knowing that if something else comes up (family stuff or anything else that you deem more important) youy will cancel, then you are just RUDE.

Some parents have done that to one of my dcs a few days before the party. It ended up with the party being cancelled (said parents knew it too!) all that because a little group of them found something 'more important to do'.
Well.... as far I am concerned, it says hell of a lot about the parents and their lack of respect for other people.. It did upset dc2 A LOT and tbh dc2 could not quite understand why they suddenly weren't coming. Maybe you should have been the one to have to run around to find something else for dc2 party with 2 days notice, reassure dc2 and support him etc...
That behaviour of cancelling of keeping your options opened and cancelling at the last minute because of 'important family activities' has repercutions that people like thoise parents never seem to quite grasp HmmHmm

RockUnit · 26/03/2016 21:28

kids party isn't the be all and end all to everyone invited.

It will obviously be important to the birthday child. Why should they be let down by people who are rude enough to cancel? And wouldn't you expect consideration from anyone you invited to something?

IloveAntbuthateDec · 26/03/2016 23:34

Oh Jeez..... I cba to read all the posts. This is 4year olds party! Some will turn up. Others wont. That's normal at this age. All I can say is whenever I have organised birthday parties for my lot I request so many "yesses". If I don't get the required amount - that I am expected to pay for I will cancel. I hate birthday parties and refuse to have my kids disappointed because other parents don't see their day as special. Either parents want their kids to join us in birthday celebrations or they don't. I have learnt to be sneaky as to whether the party goes ahead or not - In the interest of my own child. I don't even tell them that a party has been arranged so if I have to cancel and take them on a "Special family outing" they are not disappointed.

MinecraftyMum · 27/03/2016 08:36

Actually, in the example proffered it was about the parents feeling that the children's social lives were of no value or worth compared to their having a freebie weekend away instead

Do me a favour Sleep Hmm Could you get more holier-than-thou?

My life (and dh's) generally revolves an awful lot around our kids 'social lives'. We facilitate taking them to every extra curricular class/outing/invite that we can. Their social lives knock spots off mine and dh's, generally...and i'm happy with that.

But a martyr I am fucking not. And yes, an unexpected freebie weekend away for dh and I would win over 5 year old Annabella's hour long soft play party with burger and chips. Bad luck Annabella. If the invite had come out so early that i'd already RSVP'd and the party was still weeks away, i'd be sending a very nice text to the parent to apologise and say we wouldn't be able to make it after all.

Nishky · 27/03/2016 09:55

Would the text include the phrase 'bad luck Annabella' then -and would you tell them the real reason?

MinecraftyMum · 27/03/2016 10:05

Of course the text wouldn't include that Hmm

And no, I see no need to explain any acceptance or decline of an invite - 'Sorry we can no longer make it' is enough.

youknowwhattodo · 27/03/2016 10:11

Thats a tough one...i remember dd 5th birthday party, invited around 20, 2 replied to day they could make it but 14 turned up. Luckily this was just a party at home but i think it is really ignorant when parents do not let you know.

OneLove10 · 27/03/2016 10:13

Is this thread still carrying onConfused

Nishky · 27/03/2016 10:19

That would piss a lot of people off though Minecraft-and it only takes a few people to do the same thing to have an effect on a party-it is rude and your efforts to validate it do not change that.

OneLove there is a hide button dear

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/03/2016 11:48

Op. Are you back at school after this Easter weekend or not till following week?

Any replies yet?

Do you live near school? Any chance you will bump into parks etc

RockUnit · 27/03/2016 13:27

'Sorry we can no longer make it' is enough.

I would find that rude I'm afraid.

MrsHathaway · 27/03/2016 21:26

I agree, RockUnit, if it doesn't come qualified by "we have to go to a family thing" or something. Can be vague, but most people with good manners only cancel for a solid reason and so will "prove" that their reason is solid.

If something like Cheltenham clashed with a party here, we'd be scrabbling round to find another way to get our DC to go, eg ringing round other parents in the class for a lift. I get the impression that particular event was for the parents only and not really for the children.

TeddTess · 28/03/2016 00:33

IdealWeather
this has obviously hit a raw nerve from your experiences
but i didn't say i would cancel at the last minute.

but i wouldn't rsvp 5 weeks in advance !

if the party giver chased for rsvps then i would decide yes or no. i wouldn't then cancel unless something significant came up, and that wouldn't be another party / better offer. but the likelihood of something coming up, ime, is not that unusual that far in advance hence why i don't like to rsvp until i know that we could definitely go.

LeaLeander · 28/03/2016 00:53

People who are cavalier about others' offered hospitality are lowlife, full stop.

Those of you - and you know who you are - can gyrate around as much as you like trying to justify your choices. But bottom line, have the honesty to decline immediately if you are not going to prioritize the invitations you receive over any subsequent better offers or ideas. Regardless of how many weeks in advance you are asked to make a commitment.

PollyPurple · 28/03/2016 01:11

Couldn't agree more!

I think 5+ weeks isn't so far in advance that you couldn't possibly respond to an invite. If it was so far ahead of anything, ever, you'd never say yes to anything!

chillybillybob · 02/04/2016 20:23

What did you do in the end op

Original poster
TheresHopeYet · 03/04/2016 21:07

Sorry for the delay in updating Blush

We went ahead with the party . I managed to speak to a few of the parents in the playground at school a few days before Smile

Some made excuses on the spot (believe me it was obvious!)Hmm

A couple of others said yes .

We had six turn up for the party from the 25 invited . Only two ended up being actual late RSVPs Angry

DD had a lovely time though as the two that did RSVP and turned up were her "bestest friends " Smile

Never , ever again though . Angry

OP posts:
Birthgeek · 03/04/2016 21:18

Glad she had a great time! A small group of besties is better than a large group with rude-O parents Grin

OhForTheLoveOfGin · 03/04/2016 21:28

Really glad to hear DD had a lovely time with her besties Grin

I have a similar aged DD and have learnt a lot from reading this thread. Sorry you've had to go through all this WineCake

Itinerary · 03/04/2016 21:40

Well done OP, glad your DD had a lovely time Smile

Angry on your behalf at all the rude people!

WineChocolate

AdrenalineFudge · 03/04/2016 21:50

I'm so glad your dd had a lovely time! And her best friends turned up! You and your little girl sound absolutely lovely!

lem73 · 03/04/2016 22:45

Really glad your DD enjoyed her day Smile. I hope you got the contact numbers of the parents of her 'bestest' friends for when you organise next years birthday!

Italiangreyhound · 03/04/2016 22:55

Thereshopeyet fabulous. Well done.

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