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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel DD birthday party?

336 replies

TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 07:15

DD is turning 4 and we have a party booked for her in two weeks time .

I handed out invites directly to parents 3 weeks ago with an RSVP date of TODAY!

I have not had a single RSVP. Not one . Angry

It's school holidays here and I do not know the parents well enough to chase them up or have phone numbers etc .

The balance of the party is due today ; it's £140. I have already paid a £20 deposit which I will lose .

If I cancel after paying the balance I will lose the lot .

Would you cancel? I could use the money to take DD away for the weekend instead.

I am worried though that a load of people will turn up at the party and we won't be there Blush

I need to decide today ! Help!

OP posts:
Janecc · 24/03/2016 11:36

So what did you do op?

IdealWeather · 24/03/2016 11:38

Baboo my thoughts all the way!

I really can't understand why it seems so common not to RSVP a d how people seem to think it's better to pander to those people to avoid confrontation and just make do with whoever turns up.

Parky22 · 24/03/2016 11:52

I would go ahead with the party. But I hope you manage to sort it and you and Dd are happy

GlindatheFairy · 24/03/2016 11:55

Next time get people's contact details first and chase any non replies up a week or so before the party.

Theimpossiblegirl · 24/03/2016 12:08

I wouldn't cancel. People will be coming, they are just not very good at replying. They have probably just forgotten as it's still a few weeks away.

Politely remind a few when you get back to school if you can't do it sooner. You may see a few other mums at the park/any Easter events locally so could bring it up then.

MariaBN6 · 24/03/2016 12:43

Can you call school (kind a urgently) and ask if your DD's teacher can tell the class at the end of the day to tell their mummies to reply to the invite? I'd pass a note for every invitee to put into their book bags but guess it's short notice today being the last day of school... Also, just ask reception for advice, they might have dealt with this kind of issue before. Ours are really good for instance, and gave me a very good advice a couple of times.

Letustryagain · 24/03/2016 12:50

I always send out invites about 4 weeks in advance because there are three children who all have their birthdays within a day of each other in DD's class. I also check with the parents of the other two children, what their plans are so we don't clash. Luckily we all get on well (as do the children) so it's never a problem.

People wouldn't dare to not RSVP me, I would chase them around the playground. I'm not mad by the way, they just know that I'm ultra organised so they laugh and generally reply pretty quickly. In fact a lot of the parents have asked me to arrange and run their children's parties because I love it!! Smile

OP, in your position I would cancel BUT it seems like it's not unusual in other areas for people not to reply so I think you may just have to suck it up... It's a worrying time though, I just hope you get some acceptances before the day otherwise it will be a nail-biting wait on the day...

Stripyhoglets · 24/03/2016 12:55

I would cancel and just make sure you let them know it's cancelled with notes sent in to be handed out in class in the couple of days they are back at school b4 the party. Use the money for something else

Fpmd1710 · 24/03/2016 12:55

I'd cancel. Look at it from your DD's point of view; if she thinks the party isn't going ahead because you cancelled, it may leave her a bit miffedwith you, but it would be worse if you go ahead with party and people don't turn up, that would leave her feeling hurt and sad. A child of that age wouldn't fully understand that the parents didn't turn up, instead she'd likely take it personally, sat there waiting for her friends who don't show up.
I'd rather not risk wasting my money on something that people may not come to, but more importantly I'd rather not risk my child's feelings if she's sat alone waiting for people.

FVRM · 24/03/2016 12:56

I'd cancel. That's a lot of money to spend on a party if only a handful of people turn up.

lilywillywoo · 24/03/2016 13:02

Not RSVP ing drives me nuts! I can't see why people don't have the common courtesy to let you know whether they are intending on coming. It's usually a simple text or email, how long does that take to do?!? I always reply as soon as I know if DDs are able to go. It's usually just the one or two, have never had an entire party not reply. I'd be very tempted to cancel hate parties anyway

eddielizzard · 24/03/2016 13:06

i would go ahead. it's so far in advance people wouldn't think to rsvp so early. it's just bad timing really. nothing to do with you or your dd. when i get an invitation and it's a few weeks away i wait until closer to the time. i do try to take note of rsvp by dates but don't always get it right.

i'm sure quite a few are planning on going. when you ask the parents, do it with a smile and warmth. if you're cold and arsey they'll say no.

amarmai · 24/03/2016 13:10

as you gave the parents the invites , but they have not responded ,it seems better to cancel. Is there noone who can inform them for you ? Maybe email the teacher?

22sailors · 24/03/2016 13:11

I'd cancel and take your daughter away for the day. People are so rude, not replying is just not on, they may be busy but how long does it take to make a phone call to answer if for nothing else to be sure of how safe their children are going to be.

PollyPurple · 24/03/2016 13:16

This is a real difficult one.

Did you hand write the invites? Have you definitely put the correct contact details? I'm sure you have, just clutching at straws but can't understand why you haven't had even one reply. Seems very odd.

WhoaCadburys · 24/03/2016 13:19

Haven't read the thread so this may have been suggested, but would the school help in this instance? Maybe they could tell the children it has been cancelled (though of course your daughter will be there too - argh). Or maybe they could call in parents left in the school playground and ask one of them to spread the word?

lavenderdoilly · 24/03/2016 13:20

Is there anyone who could give you an IN to this lot? Someone who might have others' numbers. A door you could knock on with a friendly face on the other side of it. Some people are lazy rude thoughtless. If a mum in your situation knocked on my door I'd help.

Baboooshka · 24/03/2016 13:24

I wonder what the OP decided. It sounds like the venue needed to know yesterday and wouldn't give her any extra time.

Can we not set up some sort of Mumsnet super-app for these times when you're planning a party and everyone messes you around? It would automatically ping every local Mumsnetter and your event would be immediately flashmobbed by the very best sort of guests.

Can you call school and ask if your DD's teacher can tell the class at the end of the day to tell their mummies to reply to the invite?

Not going to say anything.
Not going to say anything.
Not going to PARENTS YOU MEAN PARENTS EITHER ONE IS CAPABLE OF SENDING A TEXT OR CHECKING THE CALENDAR SO WHY IS IT ALWAYS

I feel better. Sorry about that.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 24/03/2016 13:25

OP did you get the chance to double check that the RSVP details were correct, as per a PP's suggestion?

Not one single person replying would have me worrying I'd got my mobile number wrong.

midsummabreak · 24/03/2016 13:28

many parents do forget to RSVP & it's annoying when it happens. I have had the experience parents stating after the party that they forgot about the invitation on the fridge (and therefore did not bring their child & apologised after the party for not realising ), and some who I assumed weren't coming as they didn't get around to sending and RSVP, but then they did bring their child !!!!

midsummabreak · 24/03/2016 13:37

crap happens, I would cancel too. Not much you can do if totally no RSVPs received & no way of contacting parents to check over the holidays
maybe "giraffes" is correct, or maybe you put the wrong Month on the RSVP and date of party -there is possibly some other explanation for the whole group not answering one way or the other Usually not that many forgets to RSVP

midsummabreak · 24/03/2016 13:46

Hope you have a fun day out with your child
If some error is actually involved , maybe raincheck the party for a later date
I imagine there may be some simple reason why this happened Hope all goes well and let us know

iyamehooru · 24/03/2016 13:52

Cancel

If they turn up after buying a gift they might realise how rude they've been. You asked for a reply which means even if it's a no you need to know!

Original poster
TheresHopeYet · 24/03/2016 14:48

I'm late back to the thread Blush

Flowers for all the replies .

After much agonising , I decided to pay the rest of the balance and chase parents when we are back next week.

I've checked the invite which I scanned and printed copies of and the contact details are correct .

Ill update when I know more next week ! Smile

OP posts:
originalmavis · 24/03/2016 15:03

They will come! People just have no bloody manners these days!

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