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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel DD birthday party?

336 replies

TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 07:15

DD is turning 4 and we have a party booked for her in two weeks time .

I handed out invites directly to parents 3 weeks ago with an RSVP date of TODAY!

I have not had a single RSVP. Not one . Angry

It's school holidays here and I do not know the parents well enough to chase them up or have phone numbers etc .

The balance of the party is due today ; it's £140. I have already paid a £20 deposit which I will lose .

If I cancel after paying the balance I will lose the lot .

Would you cancel? I could use the money to take DD away for the weekend instead.

I am worried though that a load of people will turn up at the party and we won't be there Blush

I need to decide today ! Help!

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 23/03/2016 07:48

You will find this is the norm I'm afraid, every year I find it hard to get my head round how people can be so rude but you do get used to it.
DS invited 35 children last year, I got 5 rsvps (from parents I see every day) and 30 turned up. I now tend to err on the side of parties where it doesn't matter too much about numbers, so it doesn't stress me out as much.

lem73 · 23/03/2016 07:50

Sorry Op. It must be disappointing for you. I'm trying to think of something positive to say but tbh I don't think I'd want my dcs in such an unfriendly school.

WipsGlitter · 23/03/2016 07:50

goldensquirrel if it's Beatrix Potter World be warned its (a) tiny and (b) basically a giant shop!

OP I've no advice - would DD be upset if it was cancelled?

voodoolooloo · 23/03/2016 07:56

People can be so thoughtless. I'd cancel but leave a message with the play area to let anyone who turns up know why you've done it.
I'd then use the money to go to the zoo or somewhere as a big treat.
Hope she has a lovely day Thanks

wiltingfast · 23/03/2016 07:58

OP the kids will almost certainly turn up. I think you have two issues, a party invite 5w in advance plus school holidays. it's just not on people's minds.

I sent out invites last Monday for a party and out of 30 only about half replied. Had to chase the rest yesterday and hey presto, 8 more attendees.

You should feel free to chase. Do you know any of the parents who might have more contact details?

Sorry it's so stressful. Sad I know the feeling. But it has always worked out for me in the end, people are just thoughtless, esp if it's not a fairly immediate event. Hope you sort it.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 23/03/2016 07:59

It's annoying. When I organised ds's 5th party the only quick responders were those who couldn't come. After two weeks I had three children coming, eight not coming and a whole load of unknowns. A bit depressing and it did leave me wondering if I should cancel or scale back the plans.
Most were just very slow to respond, the vast majority of replies were in the week before the party and I still had three turn up on the day having not replied.
In a few cases it's an oversight, I genuinely thought I had responded to one party invite, only for the Mum to ask me a week before if my son was coming. I can only assume I got distracted by a toddler at the crucial moment.
I think you have to decide which will upset you less - cancelling the party and the potential fall out from parents who did turn up after all or having the party and nobody or very few coming.
My instinct would be to cancel and do something else special for your daughter, but I really would leave the decision till as late in the day as possible. Could you ring up the venue and ask if they can let you decide tomorrow?

wiltingfast · 23/03/2016 08:00

PS my dd's party's this sat!

ExitPursuedByABear · 23/03/2016 08:00

That is so shit.

Definitely cancel and do something fun instead. You could always have a little tea party at a later date if any of the invitees express regrets.

MattDillonsPants · 23/03/2016 08:07

It's unfortunate that should you cancel and people turn up (which if you look back on threads on MN is a big possibility) then they will possibly be outraged that you didn't let them know...which while ridiculous since they have your number...could still happen.

People are very entitled...and very rude. In your shoes I would rack my brains to think of one name....or call the school office and tell them your situation and that you're cancelling asking them to please message DDs friends' parents to let them know.

DartmoorDoughnut · 23/03/2016 08:08

I'd wait until tomorrow to cancel if you can but other than that def cancel Flowers

DartmoorDoughnut · 23/03/2016 08:09

i.e phone the venue and ask for 24hrs grace

whois · 23/03/2016 08:11

This is a bit shit :-( Next time try and get the parents mobile numbers and names when you hand out the invites!

ExploraDora · 23/03/2016 08:13

I would cancel, sorry OP Sad. We sent out 10 invites for DD's party last week and 5 RSVPed Yes - 4 turned up. Of the 5 who didn't RSVP, none turned up. So I wouldn't rely on that.

Only1scoop · 23/03/2016 08:14

There are some inconsiderate folk about.

It's two mins to check calendar and send a text.

zoomtothespoon · 23/03/2016 08:16

Is cancel and take DD somewhere amazing for her party. Imagine no one turning up to her party ShockSad

Parents are rude not to RSVP given they've had 3 weeks to do so. If they turn up and there's no party it's their own fault for being so rude

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 23/03/2016 08:17

I am in the same situation! Four replies out of twenty five, I thought I.will take the five of them to a theme park and cancel the hall and bouncy castle if this is all that's coming, but I doubt it, I expect people have forgotten to reply. I posted on our school Facebook page - another five replies in one day! Then I stalked some of the profiles of these and by asking dd surnames etc and showing her profile pictures I was able to find the majority on Facebook and message them directly. Twenty are coming, just hadn't bothered to tell me!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/03/2016 08:17

You've had one reply - does she know the others - can you ring her and explain the situation?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/03/2016 08:18

Saw Not one - read as one

ExitPursuedByABear · 23/03/2016 08:18

I used to reply immediately as otherwise it is so easy to forget.

Are they back in school before the party? If so you can easily inform people then. And tell them why.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/03/2016 08:19

I've always had to send a chaser email to some parents every time I've organised a party. People just forget sometimes. As you've no contact details I'd take a note in to school and ask it to put in every book bag saying you need replies today or it will have to be cancelled as need to confirm numbers and pay today.

MattDillonsPants · 23/03/2016 08:19

I really think that in some schools a majority just don't reply because they're ignorant to either not know what RSVP means or they forget because they're self absorbed...then out of 30 non RSVP'rs you will have 20 that show and 10 that don't.

If you cancel then you may have a backlash....because that level of ignorance is the sort that will be livid they weren't informed.

Is it at soft play?

MattDillonsPants · 23/03/2016 08:20

Ghoul she can't. They've broken up already and she has no contact details.

I think she should maybe call the school office and ask them to send texts to people to cancel.

ThunderR0ad78 · 23/03/2016 08:20

I know it's the school hols but do you have an email address of the nursery school manager or similar who you could perhaps ask to send a chasing email / nudge for you?

Obviously they won't pass on individual numbers to you but they may consider dropping a few parents a line......

redhat · 23/03/2016 08:24

I'd probably cancel. If the party is in the school holidays then that's always difficult anyway because people go away on holiday.

One of DS's friend had a soft play party one year during the school holidays. Every child in the year was invited (28 children) and only 3 showed up. Combination of school holidays (Christmas) and bad weather (snow).

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/03/2016 08:25

Ah sorry I thought they were still in school today and tomorrow ( my two are!). I think all you can do is see if school office could chase them. Or speak to venue about not paying today. They may be sympathetic.